I Didn’t Even Know I Wanted It Until It Was On My Finger

I just spent an hour on hands and knees, scouring the floor for the diamond from my engagement ring. The big middle one, of course. Little side guys are still intact. I am pretty sure that I had it this morning, because i think i would have noticed the empty setting, or it would have caught on something.

I did laundry this morning and seem to recall feeling a pull on the ring. Noticed it missing not long after. Stood, gaping at my own finger, the missing diamond as shocking as if my whole finger had just been amputated.

Just unfolded, gently shook out, and refolded every piece of laundry I folded this morning. Had kids down on all fours searching for “shiny things.” Checked the soles of everyone’s shoes to make sure no one stepped on it and picked it up in their shoe.

Cried on the phone with my sister.

Called Todd to tell him. Got pretty choked up.

Basically, I am freaking out.

I am not vain. I don’t give a shit how many carats the thing is, how brilliant it is. I never even cared a whit about having a fucking shiny rock until Todd surprised me with one. But now it is one of my most prized possessions. I will never forget the night Todd gave it to me and asked me to spend my life with him, sweat pouring down his forehead, kneeling in front of me. I will never forget showing it to my Grandma Palmer, and her suddenly coming out of her Alzheimer’s fog, and with tears in her eyes, looking at me and gripping my hand hard in the way she always did, and whispering to me, “Cherish this.”

And now I have lost it, and I know it is stupid to feel bereft at the loss of a rock, but I am. I am heartbroken.

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20 comments

  • I’m sorry. I know how you feel. I lost my solitaire stone 2 summers ago– I think– while swimming. I was pretty devastated too. Looked everywhere but never found it. Ryan got me a replacement for our 10th but I don’t always wear it. Diamonds may last a lifetime but not in my possession–I’ve lost 3 in the past 2 years–engagement ring stone, an earring and a stone from my great grandmother’s wedding ring. I am always in a panic when diamonds are on me now, constantly checking my hand. Who wants to live like that?

    I guess lucky for me (and Ryan) our marriage isn’t just something I wear on my finger cause it would have been long gone.You may have lost the stone but not the symbol of you and Todd’s marriage / love. That isn’t something you can so easily misplace.

  • I know you are right. Todd said the same thing, basically. I am very sentimental, though, and very sad about it. starting to wonder if the pull I felt earlier was felt because the ring was already gone, and then it could just be anywhere.

  • Oh, Anne, that totally made me cry. I know exactly what you mean about not wanting it, until… I really hope you find it. I have Dan’s grandmother’s diamond and love it, but I am terrified of losing a family heirloom.

  • Something we both have in common… ironically, ONE YEAR AGO on July 4th I was @ to take off for the Ptree Road Race. Literally standing in front of Lenox Mall. And after scouring my house the day before, and after riding Marta, I look down to find three ugly prongs were pointing up at me. The 4th one broke and my solitaire – gone. I turned the house upside down and never found it.
    I actually also remembered this eerie feeling of knocking it on my washing machine. But I looked everywhere around it. It can drive you crazy. I stopped looking…
    I wear my simple gold band now. I keep thinking that one of these days when we don’t have _____ I’ll get another one. By now, I’ve accepted that I’d rather have a wonderful, full, marriage than my diamond. B/c you KNOW there’s diamonds out there on some hands who don’t have the marriage to match!
    AND people say that years later it could turn up in the bottom of your fridge, or under the washer, etc!?!?
    XOXO friend-

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