Tiller at Music Program

Tiller had her music program today. I was on the verge of tears the whole time. I sat over on the side, but about three rows back from the altar, and she ended up standing on the very end, closest to me, and she knew exactly where I was, because i happened to sit right by the area reserved for her class.

She towers over all the other kids in her class, like a Bowie-haired, silk-purse-out-of-a-sow’s-ear little tomboy. Her hair is growing out, but it is taking it’s sweet time, and as my own friend and hairdresser put it so succinctly, she is “looking like a little lesbian.” So, we actually stuck a bow in her hair this morning (we even brushed it!) and stuck her in her pretty Shank hand-me-down dress, and she picked out her little sandals, and she looked half girlie.

They sang three songs. One was about being a pizza (?), one about a dog named “Rag.” But one, it was called, “I love my home” or something like that? The verses included I love my dad, I love my mom, I love my dog, and I love my cat.

It absolutely fucking tore me up.

She can’t say “L”s very well, so she makes the “W” sound instead. “Love” sounds like “Wuv.” I could hear it over the other kids. She sang with this sweet little smile on her face, “I wuv my Mom,” watching her teacher do the hand signs for cues, and then ever five seconds, she would look straight over at me, and her smile would get just a little bigger when she saw me looking back at her, and she would sing, looking me right in the eyes, and then turn back to her teacher to stay on track, and then turn back to me to light up when she realized i was still watching her.

It was one of those priceless parenting moments that you know you will never forget, no matter how old she gets.

And in an odd twist, I would never have gotten to have the moment if I had remembered my camera or my video camera, and had one of them stuck in my face the whole time.

So, all i have is these couple of iPhone pics, and my sweet memory.


  7 comments for “Tiller at Music Program

  1. May 21, 2010 at 2:43 pm

    I love this girl. Look at how earnest she is up there. Her little bow and sweet face just kill me. No wonder you were torn up – here I sit in Seattle having never met your child and I’m fixin’ to fall apart just looking at her darling self.

  2. May 21, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    Thanks, Courtney. She loves you too!

  3. Susan Ponder
    May 21, 2010 at 3:28 pm

    No cameras = seeing the world through both of your eyes! She is precious. I’m getting welled up just thinking about it and similar past experiences I’ve had (many of them not captured except in my memory).

  4. May 21, 2010 at 3:44 pm

    That smile on her face is just precious. Over the years I have made a rule for myself at their music programs, and I do it for exactly the reason you stated in your post. I take a few pictures of them standing in their spot, then I sit back and enjoy it. Glad it was a memorable event!

  5. leelee
    May 22, 2010 at 8:46 am

    So cute! Love her! I would have been bawling.

  6. May 22, 2010 at 3:59 pm

    Shoulda seen her, leelee. It killed me.

  7. Mandy
    June 1, 2010 at 3:17 pm

    OMG. Love the tiller song – seriously made my heart smile when I heard her sing that song, and just thinking about the Bede’s performance… wow. I love the way you write!

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