Tiller had her music program today. I was on the verge of tears the whole time. I sat over on the side, but about three rows back from the altar, and she ended up standing on the very end, closest to me, and she knew exactly where I was, because i happened to sit right by the area reserved for her class.
She towers over all the other kids in her class, like a Bowie-haired, silk-purse-out-of-a-sow’s-ear little tomboy. Her hair is growing out, but it is taking it’s sweet time, and as my own friend and hairdresser put it so succinctly, she is “looking like a little lesbian.” So, we actually stuck a bow in her hair this morning (we even brushed it!) and stuck her in her pretty Shank hand-me-down dress, and she picked out her little sandals, and she looked half girlie.
They sang three songs. One was about being a pizza (?), one about a dog named “Rag.” But one, it was called, “I love my home” or something like that? The verses included I love my dad, I love my mom, I love my dog, and I love my cat.
It absolutely fucking tore me up.
She can’t say “L”s very well, so she makes the “W” sound instead. “Love” sounds like “Wuv.” I could hear it over the other kids. She sang with this sweet little smile on her face, “I wuv my Mom,” watching her teacher do the hand signs for cues, and then ever five seconds, she would look straight over at me, and her smile would get just a little bigger when she saw me looking back at her, and she would sing, looking me right in the eyes, and then turn back to her teacher to stay on track, and then turn back to me to light up when she realized i was still watching her.
It was one of those priceless parenting moments that you know you will never forget, no matter how old she gets.
And in an odd twist, I would never have gotten to have the moment if I had remembered my camera or my video camera, and had one of them stuck in my face the whole time.
So, all i have is these couple of iPhone pics, and my sweet memory.