Stars Gaze Down, Uncaring

Night falls

I cry until no tears are left, or so i think;

They keep coming, as hard as I’ve ever cried

or at least in 30 years.

I cry the tears of the girl

who wanted a horse with her soul.

She learned that sometimes you get nothing.

She sought refuge outside; I can’t go in until it is all out of her.

I beg the earth, help me.

I beseech velvet sky

and stars gaze down uncaring.

I sob, turn my palms to the heavens.

Give everything, promise everything

and pray to a god I don’t believe in, just in case.

I plead with god, make the pain stop.

I see myself from above, arms flung open

and I am the Pieta, grieving.

The universe never knew me,

or felt me as I know it, as I feel it.

A breeze blows to me.

Maybe that is you, Universe.

Maybe you feel pain

Maybe you wipe tears.

Perhaps there is nothingness.

I feel nothing and everything.

I am broken, more shattered than i have ever been.

My back is snapped and my neck at unnatural angles,

My face bears scars,

Yet I gaze up, still in wonder, at the stars, and a purple sky,

Still curious, how it goes on forever.

At the mercy of a Universe,

I wonder who will tell me I am only bent, not broken.

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