Lost Arts

I have always been fascinated by the way that people lived, survived, ate, and lived in the past. Maybe it was too much Little House, but i have always been amazed at the things that people knew how to do. Baking, and sewing, candlemaking, fire banking, farming and building things with their hands.. . these have always been things that interested me in a way. I often think of how far removed I have become from those skills in just two generations. My grandparents did not have tvs, cars, electricity and running water when they were small. They had no heat or air conditioning. No malls, target, or Walmart. They had the rolling store. They had Grandma's Singer sewing machine. They had lathes and planes and saws and mills and plows. They had mules, horses, and wagons. They had chickens and eggs and pigs. They knew how to wring a neck and kill a pig. They made hoecake. They had gardens, and wells. They canned. They made their own clothes.

All of this is becoming lost to us. Sure, I can remember my grandparents talking about these things, but talking and doing are not the same thing. So, sometimes, I like to try and learn little skills such as the ones they knew.

No, I didn't kill a pig. I made Grandma Palmer's banana pudding.

This may not seem like a lot. But i didn't even know that the stuff in the pudding is actually custard. Until i made the custard, I did not even know what was in custard. That fluff on the top is meringue? Huh. I had no idea that was just egg and sugar. I made that bitch and it looks damn good, too. Haven't tasted it yet, but i don't know how it could go wrong with ingredients like that.

Not sure why i wanted to make the pudding, except that it makes me think of my grandma Palmer, and i have been thinking about my grandmas a lot lately, and my mom, too. I don't think that growing up as a tomboy and a daddy's girl I ever realized just how hard my mother and grandmas worked to put meals on the table, or to make holidays as wonderful as they were. And I never heard a complaint from them.

Rollie and Tiller will not such peaceful memories of their own mother at Christmas time.

Fucking custard and meringue, sugar cookies that look like blobs, and fudge that won't set up . . .

Another Sign of the Apocalypse

My Mom is now on Facebook.

I admit it; I Gained from Todd's Tigers' Loss This Past Weekend

I'm not exactly an SEC football expert. I'm also not really an expert gambler, although I do come from a family that loves to play games and wager - yes, Rollie will probably inherit his great-grandfather's dice - no, i am not kidding, and a Grandma that wouldn't let me win at Sorry!

But for fun, I decided to join the Georgia Sports Blog college football pick'em pool. And somehow, with a few unexpected wins this past weekend, I came up in the top five finishers for the week. (Two first place ties, and three tied for 2nd, so technically, i tied for 2nd.) I jumped from 258 overall, to 174. Not too shabby.

Although I do feel a smidge guilty for benefiting so greatly from the loss of my dear husband's beloved Tigers.

p.s. Brett, did you do this? If so, who are you, and how are you doing?
p.p.s. The user "Dawgter Feelgood" cracks me up.

Three Years

Dear Tiller,

Yesterday, you turned three years old. Yes, I was too busy to write this on your birthday, but don't think for a minute that throughout the day i wasn't constantly reminded that it was three years to the day that you had come into our lives.

It is hard to look back on a year and remember all of the things that have changed in your life and ours in just one year. A lot has happened to us this year - We have lost your Meemaw, and Pop is in Assisted Living. That is very different. I am so glad that they have been a part of your life. I never knew a one of my great-grandparents. We moved this year, from the house in East Atlanta, where you came home and danced and sang your way into our lives. And boy do you dance and sing. You make up songs about any and everything, and sometimes I am amazed at the lyrics you come up with. You have discovered princesses. The damn Disney crap. (And yes, your mama cusses, too.) Princess dresses, tiaras, little plastic heels, and jewelry. You also love babies - You carry two or three around at a time, and we all pretend to take care of them, and your face just lights up when you realize we are playing along. This is the year that the dog and cats have realized that they like you - they are no longer scared of you, and the cats will sit next to you when you watch tv. Let's see - Shows you like are still Dora, and Franklin, and Max and Ruby. You like Rollie's Speed Racer cartoons on DVD. We have started making you watch Sesame Street in the mornings, just because we wanted you to learn to recognize letters when you see them. We also let you play the ABCs on starfall.com. I am amazed that you picked up using the touchpad on the laptop so quickly; I think you are better at it than your grandma.

You sleep so well, and go right to sleep at night. Well, sometimes you sing yourself to sleep, but you do not fight us when we put you down. You and Daddy and Rollie get up in our bed and read at night, and this year, Daddy started reading The Tale of Despereaux to you, and you wiggle and don't really get any of it, but i think it is pretty neato the way y'all pile up every night. I still sing the medley to you some nights. Some nights you want me to make your bear talk to you, so I do that instead. But i still love singing Bitsy, Sunshine, and Twinkle to you. I will be sad one day when I realize it is the last time I sang it to you.

We moved out of the old house in February, and we didn't have the new house yet, so we lived at the lake for a month. It was very strange living there, but you and Rollie and I explored middle Georgia, and went on lots of "adventures" where you learned about nature, and got dirty, and threw rocks at trees, and found bugs. I was glad, because I worry that you and Rollie have nature deprivation sometimes.

You have a cute room in our new house, green and pink. You are in a big girl bed, with one of the twin beds that came from the lake when Dad bought the iron queen bed for up there. Rollie has the other one in his room, but someday I'd like for you to have them both for sleepovers. Dad says that Grandma and Pop got those twins out of an old house in Macon, but I don't think they are that old.

You started a new preschool this year at a local church. You love it. You go three days/week, and are one of the oldest in your class, which means that you are a lot bigger than some of them. Last year, you called the little ones in your class "my babies," but you don't do that this year. I miss that.

One big thing that happened this year is that you learned to go potty. You wear big girl undies and once you got started, you really took off with it. It makes my life so much easier, but sometimes I miss the closeness that comes with having to change someone's diaper. I know that sounds crazy, but it is true. You and Rollie just don't need me that way anymore. It is a milestone, albeit a strange one.

Another huge thing that happened this year is that you learned to swim! You are my little fish girl, and can hold your breath underwater. I was so proud of you.

We had a birthday party for you on Sunday. it was a costume party, and you were a princess. You changed your mind about five times about what you wanted to be. A rat, a dog, a princess, dora. We had black and orange cupcakes. You ate two. Guests at the party were your Johnson grandma and papaw, Lyle and Denise, Lisa, mark, and Dash. Grandma and Papaw palmer were at a family reunion. Jason and Elle came - she was a princess, too. As was Trisha. Her brother Nolan was Boba Fett. Leah and Sydney came, too. I think Sydney was Luke Skywalker, and Leah was Dorothy Gale. Charla and Julianne were fairies. Scarlett was Batgirl. Her mama was a kitty cat! It was much, much fun. We decorated the backyard and had the party out there, because the weather was so nice. We ordered a pizza later, and stayed up way too late for a school night, but it was fun. Last night was your birthday, and so we made your meal request: Mac and cheese, oranges, and green grapes. They had to be green. We had chocolate cake for dessert. You blew out the candle like a flash.

One day, if you are a mother, you will understand that women are like salmon and their bodies remember and their minds go back yearly to the days their offspring entered the world. Ten or twenty times day before yesterday, I thought, "oh, this is about the time I called Todd, because I just felt a little off," or "funny that I am in the car at six p.m. tonight. I remember leaving Rollie with Lisa and going out to the cul-de-sac and getting in the red tiger wagon to go to the hospital." It was a Friday, rush hour in Atlanta (doesn't that just figure) and your father put on a CD he had made with mellow songs on it. The song was "The Scarlet Tide" from the Cold Mountain soundtrack. Yes, I have probably written that to you before, but it still makes me laugh, and i promised your father I would never let him live it down; He put a song on about blood and death and carnage as he drove me to the hospital in labor. I remember thinking before I went to bed that it was about the time they gave me the benedryl and told me to get some sleep, that it would be four or five hours til you were ready to come out. It was only almost two, and i was so tired when they woke me up. I remember thinking, "just a few more minutes of sleep." I had done this before. I knew i would get no sleep for a long time. We had to shake your daddy to wake him up. It was five til midnight when they readied everything for you, and Ruth said if we hurried, we could have a baby on the 7th, and if we took our time, on the 8th. You came on the eighth, but just barely.

Your birth was a blessing and it was the way I imagined birth should be, and I am so grateful that you gave that to me in your coming into the world. Rollie's birth I sometimes go over in my head like a car wreck, like i do the accident that your Daddy and I had one Memorial Day, when I hit my head and can't remember a huge chunk of time. I go back to that over and over, trying to find those lost moments, and never can. I go over Rollie's birth and try to remember when it started going wrong, and how it felt, worrying it like a little hole in a blanket. But not yours, yours is just a succession of happy thoughts: Laughing with your father before you came out, the funny deer-in-headlights look on his face when I brought up changing your name at the last minute, holding you right when you came out and no one worriedly waiting to whisk you away from me, and the first time you latched on, right away, like we were made for each other.

Knowing that you were my Matilda, my daughter, just like I am Virginia's Annie, born in that very same hospital, and mama was Vivian's Baby, born in Chattanooga, and that one day my grandma was her mother Ida's baby, come into the world in Lee County, NC. I remember thinking that we are a chain, unbroken, but each a charm, dangling and flashing in the sunlight, and in the darkness, too.

Tiller from two to three years, on my Flickr.

Daily Dash

I feel pretty lucky to live so close to the Little Man, Dashiell. He and Lisa visited yesterday and i took a couple of decent shots of Dash and Tills together. (You try getting a 2 year-old to hold a newborn, and for both of them to look remotely close to the camera without someone's head getting dented!) Please note how much Dash is starting to look like Uncle Mark, down to the ugly orange outfit.

Dash

The only picture my stingy, sleep-deprived brother-in-law deigned to send to me. He is cute, but one picture does not do justice to the majesty* of my new nephew. This will have to suffice for the time being.

*All newborns look like alien worm beings.

Happy 39th!

Happy anniversary to my parents, who have been married 39 years. The longer I am married, the more I realize how impressive my parents' marriage is and how much they have put into their life together.

I love you both very much!

Ruth

I'm not sure who this little guy Junior Isom is, but I love this picture of Todd's grandma Ruth:

Meemaw, you will be missed.

Kinda Sad Road Trip

Off to Louisville for T's grandma's funeral. Meemaw is gone. I have a lot of thoughts about her, and about how lucky I feel to have known her, but I need to digest the whole thing and will write when I get back. I figure going to ky will give me a little more perspective anyway.

If you pray, or just think good thoughts, make sure they go out to the Toddler family tonight. I love'em all. Even if they are all way too quiet and reserved and in comparison, I look like a loud-mouthed annoying daughter/sister in-law, who probably drinks a little too much and doesn't know when to bite her tongue.

These Important Years

So, you've probably been wondering where the hell I am, as normally I don't take a shit without blogging about. I alluded to it in an earlier post, but we have our house under contract and are moving. I haven't really had time to digest what that means for us, but I do know that I am having some serious identity crisis. I am a city girl now. I have lived in East Atlanta almost as long as I lived in my parents' last house. But now the conflict between personal identity and parenthood has come to a head, and we made the decision to move into a better school district. We tried our damnedest to find a house we could afford in a decent intown school district to no avail. We just can't afford private school. So, we are off to the burbs. No, we didn't go whole hog and buy a house in Cumming or Suwanee, although we did consider the pros and cons of doing so. But when it came down to what we really wanted (shorter commutes, better access to the city (Braves game, etc.), and proximity to my sister (and my impending nephew!), we decided on . . . Atlanta. Turns out Atlanta is pretty big. The Atlanta we decided on is Dekalb Co., barely outside the perimeter, and in a great elementary district. We are getting a decent amount of house for our money, we will be close to some other friends who live in the area, and we will be staying true to our promise to educate our children well, which is the most important thing in the long run.

So, this week, Todd and I are counting down our last days in the EAV, and pretty bummed out about it. Sure, we will still come over here to drink and see old neighbors, and see shows, and for his book club, and when I just have to have a Blue Bacon Burger, but it is one of those moments where we feel really torn, and we know that having children means sacrifice and this is a sacrifice for us in many ways.

So, my sister (a.k.a. "The Best Sister in the World") is watching the kids today while Todd and I make a seriously huge dent in the packing. (This of course also included a two-pint lunch at the Flatiron; All work and no play makes Annie very sad.) Afterwards, Todd started packing up Rollie's room, and I have been packing the kitchen. On a side note, packing the kitchen is like playing a very weird game of Tetris; the spices are particularly satisfying to pack tightly together in the most streamlined of space-saving manners.

I was listening to an Itunes mix, with an ass ton of music on shuffle, and the Husker Du song, "These Important Years" came on, and I was reminded of the summer of 1990, packing up all of my stuff to leave for college, listening to that very song. It was one of those really strange deja vu moments, where time seems to have passed in a millisecond and to stand still at the same time, and I could be 18 or 25 or 30 or 36 (minus the tight abs and ass, of course) and I have that same sense of bittersweet excitement and sadness. The difference is that, at 36, I know that change is almost always a positive, and i have the power of hindsight, of knowing that i never regretted any of my moves, not one. They all meant the end of things that I look back fondly on now, but they also always meant that i was about to embark on something completely new that I had never experienced before: New friends, new love, new job, new place all by myself, new place all the way across the country, promotions, and learning, and husbands, and dogs, and cats, and kids. All of these were impossible if not for the constant change. Change is good. Change is responsible for these important years.

Belated Birthday Post

I often feel like reflecting on another year when my birthday comes around, but for some reason, I didn't feel like it yesterday. Once again, I feel like my birthday is just a number, and I am stuck at 27 or so, and I know that the number of years mean nothing. I love my 30's, though - I feel like I know more about the things I want out of life, and I know who the important people are, and I know to let the other things and people slide, because life is way too short to waste time on the meaningless, and on regrets. My birthday, though, has always been tinged with regret, because I hurt people around me on my birthday one year, and every year, I wake up and regret that I caused pain, and the first thing I think of is how this birthday will inevitably be better than that birthday. And every year, it never fails, no matter how lackluster it is, it is better than the terrible birthday. Life has a funny way of giving you things to remember as horrible, and in that way gives you the gift of context; You can always compare an event to the event by which all other events are measured and be reminded that things are generally good, and you should appreciate it for what it is. See people? I can be a glass half full person. i can!

This year was no different. Todd took me out on Friday for my "real" birthday celebration, which meant that we were able to eat dinner together in a decent restaurant without dealing with whiners and spills, and cutting things up, and making sure things weren't too hot, and all the little things that a meal with children require of parents. We stayed out late, and we had hangovers on Saturday, and they were worth it, because we had fun together. Then yesterday, Todd got up with the kids, which meant i was able to sleep about 10 minutes later than usual. It sucks being an adult on your birthday - you still have to battle yucky weather, and get kids to school, and pick kids up. You still have to smear peanut butter on bread and pour milks. Nobody makes you a handmade crown. But you do get to go out that night and your family has you blow out candles (Yes, Rollie, they do have that many candles at the grocery store,) and you have cupcakes (chocolate with hot pink icing!). You get phone calls from people who don't call you regularly, and nice emails, and cards, and people remind you that they love you. And you feel loved. And you win at trivia, and that is always a great birthday gift.

Thanks to all the wonderful people who made me feel very special yesterday, in a ton of different ways. You know who you are, and I love you all.

Best Christmas Gifts

Tiller's favorite has been the flashlight I gave her. It came with a backpack, sleeping bag, and squirt bottle, but it was the flashlight she wouldn't let go of, and even wanted to take to bed with her. My favorite, and least favorite, gift she received from Santa was the Victorian dollhouse. It is pretty and will be years of fun, but it also took years for the elves to put it together. 36 pages of instructions. As much as I despise the Disney Princess crap, it was also pretty enjoyable to see her squeeze her fat rolls into the Snow White outfit. She is adorable with her new Hello Kitty helmet, knee pads and elbow pads - who cares if it is actually nice enough to go outside and get on a trike? Evidently, it is fun just to walk around dressed in them. Finally, she has been pretty happy with the Hello Kitty lip gloss and has been walking around making everyone put some on.

Rollie's favorite, by far, has been the handheld Vsmile game. I see much gaming in his future; frighteningly, he is already ignoring us and mumbling grunted replies while playing it. He also adored the racetrack my dad gave him. In fact, Todd and Rollie spent a few hours yesterday racing cars in Rollie's room. I am not sure if Rollie or Todd is the bigger fan of that one. Cousin Graham got pretty excited over it too, and he and i played a few minutes in my son's room, and Rollie wasn't even there. It was just like those Christmases 30 years ago in A'retta! Good times. Rollie also got a transformer and a power ranger toy - Neither Todd nor I could really figure either of them out. Other faves included kickin' it old skool with: Candyland, Dominoes, Etch-a-Sketch, ViewMaster, and a Magic 8-Ball.

Todd's cool gifts include a new pair of boots, with a little clown surprise - Just ask to see the boots, some cool books, CD, and a great family portrait my friend Jasonaut took of the family, all blown up, framed, and matted.

Me? I love my books (including the annotated Pride and Prejudice! Yay!) and some nifty slippers. My fave, though: The boots I wanted. Todd wasn't going to get them, because I told him to not get me anything big, since i was going to NYC, but he tricked me and got them anyway. I heart them.

Good stuff. More highlights from our Christmas celebrations . . .

My new niece, Luci, who graced me with a nap on my chest after dinner. I just wish we had gotten a picture of me falling in love with her, drool and all.


















Chase's first Christmas Eve party.














The Christmas Eve crew














Tiller and Papaw opening gifts


















The hostess with the mostest (and a bun in the oven):


















Who gave Cecil another scotch?


















The beginning of the end. . Uncle Mark and Rollie. Yes, their uncle is a fucking Gator fan.


















Two sisters and a Tiller














Nephew and Aunt














In case there was ever any doubt.

What Tire Spells

After opening gifts at my in-laws last night, Rollie was sitting around the table with Todd, Todd's father, and Todd's brother Lyle and his wife. Rollie was playing with a Cars drawing tablet that included pencils, crayons, paints, and stickers. It also has a workbook section, where he can practice writing and spelling.

Rollie was trying to sound out and write the word "Tire," with Todd's help.

"T . . . ," Rollie said, looking at Todd for help.
"Sound it out," Todd said. "What sound does T make?"
Rollie: "Tuh."
Todd: "Okay, 'tuh.' Then, 'I.' What sound does 'I' make?"
Rollie: "Ih."
Aunt Denise: "Long 'I' sound, Rollie."
Rollie: "I."
Todd: "Right. Ok, 'R.' What sound does 'r' make?"
Rollie: "Ruh."
Todd: "Right. So, put it together." Rollie looks like his brain is
hurting.
Todd: "Sound it out. Tuh - I- Ruh. Tigh-ruh.
Rollie stares at Todd with a look of concentration on his face, then
realization dawns. "Tigh- roll! Roll Tide, Roll! Right down the toilet
bowl!"

Nobody in my in-laws' household was about to tell him for a second that he was wrong. We just laughed.

Haunting

The New York Times contains an article today about photographs donated to the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum. The photos seem benign enough; they look pretty much like the photographs in my Grandfather's albums from the 30s and 40s, pictures like the one below, pictures of him and his family and friends frolicking.

The photos are so similar in appearance, but yet so different: The photos are pictures of Nazis at Aushchwitz prior to the liberation of the concentration camps. There are pictures of soldiers and nurses relaxing in lounge chairs, listening to music and singing along to someone playing an accordion, and eating blueberries. There is even a picture of a group of them, and one woman is holding a baby lovingly.

The horror of the photographs to me is not the unspoken subtext of torture and death that took place on the same day and in the same location these photos were taken. The haunting and horrific facet of the photos is that these are not the faces of evil I imagined. These people look so normal, so happy, so carefree, and so similar to you and me.

I'm An Aunt!

In all the birthday hullabaloo, I forgot to mention that this past week, Todd and I became an Aunt and Uncle for the first time. Todd's brother, Wade, and Wade's wife, Suzanne, welcomed little Lucinda Ruth into the world. They're going to call her Luci.

I am going to spoil her. This will not be pretty.

Road Trip! Again.

We are off to Savannah, hometown of my Daddy and his peeps, for a wedding. I am really excited, as it is one of my favorite places in the world. Kids are being dropped off about an hour down the road (don't worry - we are leaving them with my parents, not just putting them out on the side of the road, although that is sometimes tempting) and then I get a much-needed weekend of relaxation with my husband.