Dash Update

Here is an update on Dash, from his Mama:

"Looks like Dash is a-okay. He had his repeat ultrasound this morning and it shows no changes from the one on Sunday. The part of his stomach they were worried about is on the "large side of normal" but still within normal range. Since he's doing better they're not going to worry about it unless he starts exorcist vomiting again.

Went for his 2 week appt today and he now weighs 7 lbs, 9 oz. Little pig!"

Tucker Day

P5090064.JPG
Originally uploaded by Dogwood Girl.

So, it has been over a week since we attended the Tucker Day parade. Todd ran the 5k, and I took the kids to the pancake breakfast benefiting the Tucker High school. (We ate in the cafeteria, which was strange.)

Afterwards, we walked over to Main St. to view the parade. The thing that I loved most about the parade was how small-town it seemed; It reminded me so much of the Alpharetta parade i used to attend (and even participated in as a kid), back when Alpharetta was country and southern, down to the tractors in the parade.

Now, the funny thing about the tractors is that when they started coming towards us, I laughed out loud at the joy in seeing them. So old-school! So reminded me of childhood! But Todd? He was watching the parade in a different location with friends of ours, one of whom is Dutch. He didn't get the tractor thing at all. And how can you possibly explain to outsiders why they are riding tractors in the parade? It's just how it is done.



And above, my favorite pictures of my cousins and sister, sitting on Main Street in Alpharetta, c. 1978, drinking cokes on the hood of mom's wagon, waiting for me to appear in this bitching ensemble:

Turkey Dysfunction

You would have to know my Dad to think this is really funny. I have been drinking wine all day without food. Dad has been hitting the Scotch. What's the logical thing to do? Give me a video camera and him a carving knife.

Note that both mine and Lisa's husbands are hiding out in another room playing video games with the kids. They are smart.

If anyone knows Jason B., I can pretty much guarantee that he will do "the laugh" over this one.

For my brother-in-law who reads my blog, please note how this holiday experience is so different from the one I married into that I often feel like I am on a different, and much quieter, planet when I visit your parents. (I read his blog when I understand what it is he is talking about, but the Ruby programming language, which he writes whole entire, published and searchable-on-Amazon books on, is a little over my head. You should buy a copy for each of your friends.)

Winning the Lottery

You probably would not know it, even if you know me pretty well, but sometimes I get depressed. It's never enough to make me unable to function (well, there was that one time after I had the baby, but that was just the hormones), but I just get down. Blah. Uninterested. Bluesy. I don't really want to leave the house. I don't really want to clean the house I don't want to leave. I don't want to do anything at all. It reminds me of when I was a kid, and it would be raining, and there was nothing to do, and I kept on driving my mom crazy, but whatever she suggested sounded like absolutely no fun to me, and the feeling was just pure frustration.

When I get this way, i think I hide it pretty well from everyone but my sister and my husband. God knows, Todd has certainly been seeing the ill effects of my recent melancholy in the sorry housekeeping I have been doing. But for the most part, I really try to overcome my down days, to find things to do to pull me out of the depression, or at least keep me busy until it passes. Which I guess means that I am not truly depressed at all, because I can still function, can still see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Well, it just seems like lately i have have been bored, depressed, whatever. Maybe it's the holidays, maybe it's watching both mine and Todd's parents deal with their own aging parents, when they should be enjoying their retirements and their golden years. Maybe it is feeling helpless at not being able to make all of the people I love just have it easier, or just get a damn break once in a while.

I am still feeling a little down, but you know what helps? When one of your oldest and dearest friends calls and asks if you can drop everything and help her out by going to New York with her for the weekend. All expenses paid. Because her husband was supposed to go with her and something came up with work and now she will have to go by herself.

Um, okay. I guess so. What? Hells to the yeah, I'll go! What depression? What boredom?

Who won the lottery?

I did. When I was born to the most awesomest, givingest Mama ever. When I started playing rec-league b-ball with Mealby "Take a Look at My Choices" Barron, and when I met the most understanding, laid-back, fun-loving, hysterical - and yet responsible - man EVER and made my smartest life move yet - Marrying his ass.

My Dad and sister and kids and cutest dog in the world? They are icing on my life cake.

Charleston Recap

We started with dinner at Coast. Very good.

Then we dropped Mom off at the hotel and headed to The Blind Tiger for drinks with the wedding peeps. It was funny, because I had been to this bar before, only a couple months after Todd and I started dating. His friend Kate was married at the same place that my friend Marc married at Saturday night, and the night after her wedding, everyone went out for drinks. We went to the Blind Tiger, where Kate passed out at a table in the courtyard. Ah, memories.

We had to wait a while for our friends, and Lisa is knocked up, so she was pretty much over it by the time they got there, but she perked up when she saw old friends and managed to stay out for a good while. I stayed longer, and had the pleasure of chatting with my old friend Pierce's wife, Fowler, for a good long while. She is awesome, which I totally would have imagined for Pierce.
They next morning, Lisa and I headed out for coffee and shopping. We hit the Farmer's Market, which really consisted of us oohing and aaahing over all the cute dogs people were walking around. The weather was perfect. We walked all down King Street looking at shops and I even saw real live fancy shoes at Bob Ellis. I think if I ever were rich, I would have a shoe problem. Plus, shoes and makeup are fun because they don't make you feel fat. Lisa and I both bought matching heart necklaces and did the sister bonding thing. See how cute we are?

After that, we met up with Mom for lunch. It was a good thing we started looking for a lunch place when we did, because if we had waited any longer, Pregzilla might have eaten Meeting St. We went to Monza for pizza, because that's what sounded good to the zilla. It was really good, and the service was great, and they played Wilco and Bloc Party, and once Lisa ate something, she was a human again. If any of you are paying attention now, you will realize that Lisa is wearing the sweater I wore on Saturday night. It is hers and really comfy. You will also realize that I am wearing the same shirt from the night before. I know! I packed like 500 things and did what I always do - Ended up wearing the comfortable tee. It's my signature look.

After lunch, Mom and Lisa headed home to nap (?!!) and I found a bar with as many tvs as possible so as to assure that I saw at least the first half of the Georgia/Kentucky game. I sat with some lovely Ohio State fans, and some not-so-lovely Gators and Vols. Most people were watching Ohio State/ Michigan. I had to leave at halftime to go get dressed for a 4PM wedding. Evidently, people from the Carolinas and Texas did not get the memo about NO WEDDINGS IN THE FALL IN THE SOUTH. It was explained to me later by the Texan groom that they just don't do weddings on Sundays, because of the Cowboys. Whatevers. UGA won, and I was spared the heart-attack and heartbreak-inducing Tenn/Vandy game. Arrrrgggggh.

Found the lovely wedding location, Lowndes Grove, with time to spare. I always wonder what Yankees think of the south when they see a place like Lowndes Grove. Do they think that Southerners are immune to the beauty of such a place? Do they think regular folks live in places like this? Not so. I am in awe whenever I am in a place like this. The weather was beautiful and the ceremony was timed perfectly to coincide with a lovely sunset over the Ashley River. Wedding went off without a hitch, even with that tricky "speak now or forever hold your peace" part. (Oh, the thoughts that went through my head just then, little Marky! Exploding hotdogs! Underage preteens passed out on my parents parquet floor! The never ending retaliatory prank calls the bride will endure!

Okay, here are the rest of the pics, taken before the reception was over and we got to the too-drunk-to-operate-camera, much-less-my-own-two-mysteriously-skinned-up-legs portion of the evening. Twas not pretty, but was better than my horribly-hung-over Sunday. Note to self: When drinking copious amounts at open bar, also partake of dinner buffet.

Me and Marc's college roomie, Mitchell, who lives in Midtown.








Lisa, Fowler, and my Mom.








Two not-so-sober old acquaintances. I hadn't seen John in almost 20 years. I think the last time I saw him I was cleaning up puke at Aunt Dot's house. He was probably 15. Got to meet his wife, Ashley, a sassy and cute Aussie.







The reasons we were there - My mom and the Groom's mom, Judy, who were childhood friends in Chattanooga.

Happy Halloween Trivia

I played trivia with my sister and Robin last night. Tres fun! We didn't dress up (Shit, i barely got my teeth brushed yesterday, much less take a shower and plan a costume!), but some people did and there were some funny costumes. The best one by far was the "Dick in a Box" guy. So funny.

I have been dying to go to trivia for weeks now, but haven't been able to get anyone to go. I fear that they are lying to me when they say they have other plans, and in actuality, they are just afeared of my ridiculously competitive nature. (Think Monica on Friends.) Apparently, Lisa and Robin ran out of excuses. I also think i lured Robbie in with the fact that the horror-themed trivia would include multiple Rocky Horror Picture Show questions. Yes, she is one of those people.

My competitiveness does not mean, of course, that I rule at trivia, just that i like to feel like i gave my best shot at each and every question. Last night? That so didn't happen. I even wore my Cramps Halloween shirt for good luck; We completely choked on some of the questions. We did not even place in the top three. It will not happen again.

Just kidding.
Kinda.

I ran the questions by Todd when I got home, and it turns out that if Robin had made it on time (she missed the first round because of work) and Todd had gone with us, we would have done a lot better. Also if we didn't have Friday the 13th killer name debacle. (Sorry, Lisa!)

So, here are the questions. The ones that Robin, Lisa and I managed to pull out of our asses. And a few that are so Mickey Mouse that the question writers should be ashamed. And the ones that we didn't get are in bold. Do you know the answers? Googlers are cheaters, and cheaters never prosper. Kind of like those fuckers at the bar last night who were cheating. You know who you are, blond chick with the blue and white striped shirt. A curse on you, and the guy who gave you the answer, too.

1. What year was the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre released?
2. The Arthur Miller play based on the Salem Witch trials.
3. Total number of movies in the Friday the 13th, Halloween, and Nightmare on Elm St series, including the combination movie, and any remakes.
4. Birth name of the serial killer nicknamed "The Killer Clown."
5. What is the name of the pub in which Shaun and his friends holed up to escape Zombies in "Shaun of the Dead?" With Robin's help, we would have come up with this one!
   
6. In the Rocky Horror Picture Show, which two characters are brother and sister?
7. What was the name of the sequel to Rocky Horror Picture Show?
8. On South Park, what was mixed with Kenny's embalming fluid to cause him to become a zombie?
9. Name of the monster who prowls Mexico eating goats?
10. In Evil Dead, what is the name of the book of the Dead?
11. In the original Friday the 13th, who was the killer?
12. Evil Poets: Who wrote "The Raven?"
13. What are the three original Romero zombie films? (We only got two.)
14. What beer would you use to kill a werewolf?
15. What actors portrayed Marty Coleslaw and his uncle Red in Stephen King's Silver Bullet?
16. What were the vampire-killing brothers, one of whom was played by Corey Feldman, referred to as in The Lost Boys?
17. What musician is credited with popularizing the "devil horns" rock n roll gesture?
18. What 1922 film was the debut of the vampire on the big screen?
19. Classic Arcade Games: What are the names of the four ghosts in the American version of the game PacMan? (We only got three.)
20. The name of the English punk band whose ever-changing members included members named "Rat Scabies," "Captain Sensible," and "Urbana?" This one drove Robin and I crazy, because it was on the tip of our tongues.
21. Ancient Celtic festival/ritual credited with being the original Halloween?
22. What does Mexico's Dia de los Muertos (sp?) mean?
23. Number of bones in the male body? Bonus for naming the state in which this number is an area code.
24. What is the only mammal naturally capable of flight?
25. Final Question: Name the actors who played each of the following in The Rocky Horror Picture Show -
    
    Dr. Frankenfurter
    Brad
    Janet
    RiffRaff
    Eddie
    

Have fun! I'll post answers tomorrow.

Dispatch from Hell

Hell is the wonderful municipality of Warner Robins, GA, a town built up around an air force base. It is full of concrete and really ugly buildings. My father said he would never come back here after he finished high school and moved back to Savannah, where he was born. He is back, because no one counted on my grandfather making it to 92 years old, and Pop still lives here. So, now, mom and dad do too. My sister and I are in complete agreement that once Pop dies and Mom and Dad get out of this hell hole, we will never come back again. EVER.

We are watching Pop this weekend while Mom and Dad get away for a couple of days. So far, today:

5 a.m. I wake up to hear Rollie and Pop talking on the baby monitor. Pop has gotten up to go to the bathroom, which we were under the impression he can no longer do on his own. Evidently, he can, and the walker woke up Rollie, who thought it was Lisa and yelled out, "Lisa!" which promptly woke both Lisa and Tiller. I run upstairs, wondering what the hell is going on. Everyone is awake. Pop is sitting on the toilet with the door open (awesome) and Tiller is crying out and Lisa is asking me what I am doing upstairs. We get everyone calmed back down, with admonitions to Rollie that he shouldn't get out of bed until the sun comes up.

5:15 a.m. I am back downstairs in bed with the dog. My stomach hurts like shit. I am trying to go back to sleep. I realize that my stomach hurts because it is upset and then I spend the next 3 hours in and out of the bathroom. I never fall back asleep.

8 a.m. Everyone is up and clamoring for breakfast and the dogs need to go outside and i feel like crap. I slap raisin bran on the table for the kids, while Lisa takes the dogs out, because I just can't risk being that far away from the bathroom.

8:15 a.m. Pop calls and wants someone to get his breakfast and his insulin shot for him. He gets the shots at every meal and before bedtime. Lisa takes pity on me and takes both kids and her Jack Russell Terror, Emily, with her. I lay on the bed with Quint and try to enjoy quiet despite cramping stomach.

8:20 a.m. My mom calls. So much for my stolen moments without children. She wants to know what Lisa wanted. I don't know, but will have Lisa call her.

8:30 a.m. Lisa yelling, "No, Emily! No! No!" Lisa is saying over baby monitor.

8:40 a.m. Everyone comes back downstairs, except Pop, who never leaves his Lazy Boy. Lisa freaking out. Emily ate rat poison. After determining that children never came in contact with rat poison, I google "Dog ate rat poison."

8:50 a.m. Lisa and Emily get in car to go to vet, where she will be given something to make her puke up the poison, and a shot of something to counteract the effects of the poison.

8:55 a.m. I venture out to the carport so that Rollie can ride his bike and Tiller can play with sharp and poisonous stuff, of which there is a ton, because my grandfather has not thrown out a single item since about 1935. Quint gets his leash caught up in the porch furniture he is tied to while I chug Pepto Bismol. Tiller runs around at breakneck speed with a stick and then falls and skins both knees, just as Rollie barrels down the slope of the driveway, narrowly missing my Grandma's c. 1980s Cadillac with 19,000 miles on it. Yes, Grandma has been dead for five years, but why get rid of a perfectly good Caddy only driven to the Beauty Shop on Thursdays and church on Sundays? Swerving to miss Caddy, Rollie's bike flies out from under him and he lands smack dab on his ass, then gets up wailing. He climbs up into my lap for consolation, as I juggle Pepto and a dog leash, and Tiller then comes over to give him a hug, too, which was sweet, but only makes him shriek in my ear.

That's just a taste of a few moments in the alternate reality that is my Grandfather's house. Things have gotten better since about ten. Emily is going to make it, and the medicine might even make her sleep for the afternoon. Lisa took Tiller and Rollie to the store to get stuff for dinner and to give me a break from them. Both dogs are sleeping. Pop doesn't need lunch and a shot until 1:30. Lunch for him is easy, because he eats the same lunch every day: 1 pimento cheese sandwich, one small can of baked beans, and one can of Vienna sausages, all cold and out of the can. Puke-O-Rama.

Certainly things will continue on this upward trend until 3:30, when Cocktail party kicks off, at which point Bulldogs will disappoint me, and I will hopefully be over my stomach deal, so I can drink my sorrows away with a few Saturday afternoon beers.

Hope everyone else is having an awesome Saturday. With less poison, poop, barking, and did I mention the pooping? than we are experiencing here.

Freakishly Close

I met my sister at the dog park yesterday morning. We spent over an hour together. Afterwards, having just said goodbye to each other in the parking lot at Piedmont Park, I picked up the cel phone to call my sister as I pulled out of the lot. I had forgotten to mention something very important to her.

Her: Hey. What is it?
Me: I haven't talked to you in a while, and I missed you.
Her: We should talk more often.
Me: I know. So, did you see that mutant mutt dog? I mean, I am a dog lover, but that was the ugliest thing I have ever seen.
Her: I thought he was cute! Like a Bassett raped by a pit bull.
Me: Seriously, that dog looked ridiculous.
Her: He can't help it that he looks that way.
Me: I know. I would take his ugly brindle ass home anyway.
Her: Me too.
Me: Okay, bye.
Her: Bye. Oh, wait! Are you coming over?
Me: Yeah, I'll meet you at your house.

So, it has been mentioned before that we are very close to one another. My friend Harris might have used the words, "Freakishly close" to describe our relationship. I don't give a shit. Everything in my life is better when shared with my sister. Even unfortunate mutt rape victims. I couldn't not call her and talk about it. Does an ugly mutt at the dog park exist if I don't call my sister? Yes. But it's way more fun if i call her about it.

We are Way Cute When We Drink

Most of the time i feel like Dogwood Girl is a great outlet for me, a healthy exercise in purging my sick mind and all that. But lately? It is just another damn thing that I am not getting done. Who needs something else to make them feel guilty? I am not going to let it get me down. I will post when I can post.

But some things require taking the time. Like when one of your bestest friends, the one that introduced you to your husband, which resulted in your life becoming boring and parental, and yet you still love her, is getting married and you spend the weekend with the girls, acting trashy and pretending that you don't have children or husbands. Much fun.

In case you haven't visited the town, Helen is totally kooky, touristy, and a total fucking riot. Here's a town where everyone drank the Kool Aid and decided to make their little town a theme park. With beer river tubing and taffy and Ye Olde Fudge.

We spent the weekend in a cabin, with a pool table, a panoramic view of Mt. Yonah, a hot tub, rocking chairs, four couches, and three tvs. Anyone who knows me can tell you that if you put me up with a pool table, a stocked bar, an IPod, and a hot tub, I might never leave. I watched Auburn beat out those detestable Gators while pounding beers, playing pool, and hot tubbing. It was awesome. We are even mature enough that we could afford a place where everyone had a bed. I shared a King with my little sis and I barely knew she was there.


This was the first Bachelorette party I have been to, i realized later, at which only the Bride-to-be was a Bachelorette. The rest of us were all Matrons. That is a little disturbing. Didn't get in the way of the shenanigans, though. And as Lisa and I informed the others, we are still way cute when we drink. You can see evidence of this in the following picture, as Leelee exudes cuteness:


















High points, other than aforementioned view and hot tub, were the excellent meals, and the company. Great group of girls. Okay, it's a tossup - Girls vs. very frightening, nightmare-inducing Deer Anus Cyclops Head. It could go either way.













More pics:
Keri, Robbie, and Nessie:


















Robbie solo, and with her very cool future Sis-in-law, Katie:


















Et moi, basking in the heat of the tub and two beautiful field goals against the Fucking Florida Gators (Yes, this Bulldog hates them just. that. much.) And to top off a great weekend, on the way home, i met a couple of bikers on Harleys at the gas station. One of them asked me to go for a ride with him. He was cute in a pushing-50s, Marlboro-Man-gravelly-voice kind of way. I was tempted. It was a great day.

"I need to get back to Atlanta," I said.

"I live in Atlanta," he replied with a devilish grin. "I'll take you home."

"I can't. I gotta get back to the husband and kids."

"Ma'am, I'm so sorry. I didn't see your ring. I didn't know you were married."

"That's okay," I said. "You made my day!"

And it did. We're still cute, girls, even when we're not drinking. And chivalry is not dead. At least not in the hills of North Georgia.

New

Check it. Lisa gots her a new pup. Introducing, Emily the Dog:


I gots me a new chair:
And here are a couple pictures to show off my favorite part - The reversible throw pillow. I love how it looks all folky. My friend Nat once told me that girls are either florals or stripes, and she is a stripe. I think, though, that some of us can be in between the two, or waver back and forth between the two, and that's what i love about the pillow. It goes both ways.
Floral:
Striped:

Aw, yeah.

I'm Pooped and Negligent

I have been exercising a lot lately. I wish I could do all the things in my life that I just don't have time to do. Exercise more? Blog less. If I could just figure out how to get, like, 48 hours into one day. In the meantime, I guess I will combine the two.

My week so far:
Fixed chain on bike and pumped up tires to make sure the thing still works.
Monday: Ran two miles (2o minutes,) then ran up and down a hill for fifteen minutes to overcome fear of "The Hill." Did not work. Am still frightened of the hill.
Tuesday: X Train - Swam .5 miles = 19 minutes, 18 seconds.
Biked 13 miles (stationary) = 36.03. Also ran 11:54 mile to see what legs felt like. Answer: Jelly.
Wednesday: Ran 3.91 miles in 45 mins = 11 min 31 sec pace.
Thursday: Swam 1 mile. (Timed second .5 mile at 19:26:29)
Tomorrow: Off
Saturday: 6 miles, plus Lisa's move, minus kids, then drive to lake.

Tonight - Helping Leelee pack for the big move this weekend. There better be pizza.

Girls Night

I've written about how my brother-in-law calls our girls' nights "Girls Gone Mild." Not this past Saturday. I felt like complete and total ass on Sunday morning. Totally worth it, though, as it was good to go out and get a little crazy with the girls. Note to self: Beer good. Jagermeister shots bad. Especially after aforementioned beer.

Pictures below. I think I look fairly sedate, compared to the others, no?

Leelee, my sister.

Me and Leelee
Kit

Robin and Nessie. This one cracks me up.

Good God

Things like this make me feel old. I now have a little sister is who over 30, married, and a proud homeowner. She is talking to me about things like how to plant a lawn. Good stuff.

Congratulations to little Leelee and Mark on their new place. Hurry up and get in there, then let me know what time to drop off your niece, nephew, and favorite dog.

Love,
Annie

The Lionhead Files

Lisa's Birthday, 1977
Originally uploaded by AnnieATL.

My sister, like me, had really curly hair as a kid. My cousins and I made merciless fun of her. She cried. Lots. Those were good times.

I have created a Flickr set of pictures of her as a kid when she was rocking the lion's mane. I call it The Lionhead Files.

The identity of the Lionhead has been revealed.

Mark and Lisa

Mark and Lisa
Originally uploaded by AnnieATL.

Congratulations to my sister and . . .ahem. . my brother-in-law, Lisa and Mark, on their one year anniversary. I can't believe y'all have been married for a year!

Love,
Annie

p.s. Sorry Rollie was such a shit last night. If you have a baby soon, you can repay me.

New Year's Recap

Night started off slow, with me laying a base of soup and salad at the nicest Olive Garden ever. Todd's Mom says so, and she should know, because she lives in that mecca of fine dining that is Dadeville, Alabama. I also had a latte at Starbucks in an attempt to jumpstart my very hung over body while Todd chatted with the Turks. No doin' on lighting a fire under me; It wasn't until I arrived at Iain's and choked down that first beer that I started feeling a little better. I had grandiose plans of dressing up, even maybe wearing a skirt, but I was lucky to get there in one piece, much less to change out of jeans and t-shirt. I threw on my fluffy-fringey sweater in an attempt to give myself some style and just ended up looking like a Smashing Pumpkins' D'arcy wanna-be from 1991. You will notice only one picture of me in the whole New Year's set on Flickr. This is not coincidence.

Highlights:

• Black-eyed peas and greens and Iain and Annie's Crappy Cornbread Quiche.
• Todd drinking brown liquor is always a highlight. He starts gesturing with his hands more, and he likes to stir the ice in his glass with a cute little tinkle. He gets a bounce in his step that he only ever gets when he is drinking liquor. (Bounce has been known to morph into him falling backwards on his ass in the basement at Gravity Pub, but he was drinking vodka tonics that night, so we cannot blame that on the revered bourbon whiskey.)
• Watching people strip down and display body art and mutilation in the largest fucking bathroom in Alabama was pretty entertaining.
• No evening is ever complete until you have cleared the whole living room of furniture so as to perform a few numbers from Grease, replete with male and female parts, and dancing on remaining furniture.
• Finally, and this one is so obvious, but I will say it anyway: I am so cute when I am drinking. Everyone says so.

The only thing missing was the people that I couldn't be with this year, but they are always in my thoughts, and just as soon as I make that first million off Dogwood Girl, I am going to buy a farm and start a commune where we can all live together. Right after Lisa and I buy the Sea-Doo. It's gonna happen - 2007: The Year of Big Dreams. Who's with me?