L&D (Laborious and No Delivery)

I had some bleeding the other day. Here is what I wrote about the experience the next day. (yeah, yeah, I’m a little behind.)

Okay, so i called the mw this a.m. and they told me to come in and get checked. They would work me in.

Nurse Jackie puts the monitor thingy on me at about 10 am, then Laura (midwife) came in and looked (no contrax, baby looked fine) and then checked me and did a fetal fibronectin (guessing on the sp of that) and checked my cervix (long and closed). However, there was a lot of old blood and mucous, “more than we like to see.” So, she wanted to admit me to the hospital to keep an eye on me.

She goes off to get the paperwork ready, and I call my mom (who, luckily, is in town and is able to watch Rollie). I call her and the minute she says hello, i can tell something is wrong by the tone of her voice, and then i hear todd’s voice and the dog barking in the background. I say, “Mom, what is wrong? is everything alright?” and she says, “no, everything is not alright, but it will be.” NOT what you want to hear when she is babysitting your son.

Turns out Rollie took a “little spill.” Mom called Todd, because i had my phone off and she was a little shaken up. He had been playing in the back yard, had tripped getting out of the (Goddamn) Little Tykes plastic car, and fell face first on the (very rough concrete) patio.

She said that at first she didn’t even notice the bump on his head, because of the ton of blood around his nose. So, anyway, turns out that he had a HUGE bump on his noggin, and that he scraped his face on the pavement, so he has the knot on his head, the bump is a total raspberry in the very middle of his forehead, the scrape goes down his whole nose, and then there is a big scrape under his nose/on his upper lip. He also has a few minor scrapes on the side of his head. Anyway, i am getting ready to go to the hospital, so I get todd on the phone, and tell him to stay with Rollie long enough to make sure the kid doesn’t need stitches and/or have a concussion. Todd is trying to not freak out that his son might need to go to the ER while wife is 28 wks and being admitted to L&D, but he covers it very well. Kudos to hubby.

So, i went through the whole getting my chart and my papers and stuff, along with carrying my FFN sample with me, then walked over to the hospital. My midwives’ office is at the doctor’s center next to the hospital, so you can walk through the tunnel to get there. I wasn’t freaking too much, because a) the blood wasn’t red and b) if they were really worried, they would have gotten me a damn wheelchair to take me over.

Got to L&D and went to the admissions desk, where i had to deal with this grandma from hell who was working the desk. She was SSSLLLOOOOWWWWLLLLLYYYY doing my paperwork, all the while telling me all about her grandkids, and her kids and their nicknames, etc., while i was on my feet supposedly at risk for preterm labor. What a dumbass. The people behind me looked even happier – they actually WERE in labor and having to listen to this dingbat, chatty bluehair.

So, i went through all of that, and then they send you down this long drawnout labrynth of a hallway system to get to the part of labor and delivery that they use for watching people, rather than for people who are definitely in labor; I call this area “the L&D Slums.”

I get settled in (scrap of gown to cover privates, cup to pee in, jab me in the veins, slather cold gel on me and strap me in for the afternoon.)

Did I mention that i had 2 c. of coffee and a granola bar for breakfast? And they were trying to get a hold of my mw or the admitting ob (part of my same practice) to find out if i could eat lunch. I finally had lunch when todd got there about 2pm. I ripped the bag of MACDonald’s out of his hand, scarfed it down, and then said, “Hi, Honey, how’s Rollie??”

So, Rollie was fine, and it seems that I was fine. But they had to monitor me until 5:30 pm when the Mw and the OB finally showed up to talk to me. They looked at my chart (baby fine, no contrax) and then asked me questions that I had already answered in the office that a.m. (no, didn’t have intercourse recently, did have orgasms, have been on my feet, described the cramps, etc.) and then said they wanted to have a scan ordered (couldn’t we have done this part while we were waiting on YOUR asses?), so i waited on the US lady to come down. She did a vaginal and tummy scan. Cervix looked fine, placenta wasn’t near cervix and otherwise looked fine. Baby looked fine (she was still a she). The tech said her feet were “huge.” Great. Looks like yet another girl with skis for feet. Then that tech had to take the pics to her specialist doctor in charge to look at. Great. meanwhile, the nurse said that the first pee specimen hadn’t been done (did the initial test, but not the culture for infection), so i got to pee in the cup a 3rd time in one day!!! I am so lucky. Then, we had to hunt down my OB guy again to get me released, and they sent me home with instructions to make an apptmt for Friday to be rechecked.

So, we got in our separate cars, and then both sat gazing longingly at each other on the highway while we sat in some fucking concert traffic. I left the hospital at 7pm and got home at 8pm. To see my son, who looked like he had been beaten by Grandma.

So, long story short, I am supposed to “take it easy” (with a toddler, uh-hmmm.) I call tomorrow to make an office apptmt for Friday, and they should also have my culture back by then (I think to check for an infection). AND, my FFN was negative, so there is very little chance that I will go into labor in the next two weeks. Good to know . . . .

Obligatory before and after Rollie pics:


And After


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