Posts Tagged ‘Drinking’

Nephew Love

Monday, June 28th, 2010

My in-laws are comin’! Running around like a chicken with my head cut off, but needed to post a little something this morning about my favorite nephew. He turned two and we attended his birthday party on Saturday.

Little Birdman is Two!

Little Birdman is Two!

How can he be two? Seems like just yesterday I held him for the first time. I can’t believe that I love something so much, almost as much as my own two kiddos. But I look at him and I see my baby sister, and it is one of the sweetest feelings I have ever had.

Icing on the Thomas the Tank Engine cake? I got to sit in a chair with this little guy sleeping on my chest.

Icing on the Thomas the Tank Engine cake? I got to sit in a chair with this little guy sleeping on my chest.

Afterwards, watched USA in the World Cup (sad game) with friends and no chilluns (always fun). I ran into a friend from high school. I went swimming in my clothes. I drank Red Bull and Vodka (a decidedly for-the-childless concoction). Best Husband ever (and I am not kidding here – how, again, did I find one that can put up with me and my shenanigans?) picked me up and took me home at the perfect time. Spent Sunday with him and the family at the pool – the perfect balm for my slightly aching head.

In-laws come in today to bring me my new (used) freezer (frozen veggies!), and then we go to the beach on Friday. Feels like a great week. Hope everyone else’s is the same.

I know . . .

Tuesday, June 8th, 2010

I know I said I wasn’t drinking during the week, because I don’t want to be a complete and total fat ass for my twentieth reunion, but I got up at six to run and I did yoga this morning, in an attempt to be stress-free and not kill the spawn. And then? Then I volunteered as a timer at the swim meet and that evidently requires the ability to focus for a long period of time. And Rollie, he conned a buck out of my friend Tara, supposedly for water, because he was “dying of thirst” and really he bought pure sugar.

So, then my awesome husband took the kids home and I came out to get takeout, but I chose mellow mushroom and I sat down and then it got crazy crowded and I had already ordered a beer before I knew what happened.

And then I had to wait forever to order, because the drunk Bama fan from Mobile got rowdy, and trivia was going on, and now I am just getting my food and somehow on my second beer, and doing awesome at trivia, because of course I didn’t actually play and am just playing along and doesn’t that just figure?

Maybe I’ll drink on Tuesdays only. Or days with an eight in them? Something like that.

Busy and My Current Happy Place

Monday, February 8th, 2010

Things are a little crazy in DogwoodWorld today. Fun stuff like oil change, kid drop off and pickup, dry cleaning, canvassing the n’hood while getting a “run” in (it felt like some kind of Survivor challenge, where you had to put the flyer in each mailbox in the fastest time. Lots of run, stop, run, stop. People gave me some strange looks.

So, posting might be sporadic this week with all the things i have going on (Dekalb education cuts, school newsletter, parents needing help moving big stuff around, Valentine’s day parties. You know. Life.)

In the meantime, think Mardi Gras. Think of wearing the fun Mardi Gras hat. It makes everything feel festive.

Love,
Dogwood Girl

A Girl Can Dream

Saturday, January 30th, 2010

I’ve written about Bunco, already. I was skeptical at first about a bunch of suburban women sitting around throwing dice and drinking wine, visions of 1950s Bridge Clubs, cucumber sandwiches and petit-fours in my head, but I love my Bunco group.

We had Bunco last night. It is usually on a Thursday, but this month, we had it on Friday. I think we all knew that would be both a good and bad thing, in the vein of “it seemed like a good idea at the time to finish off the bottle.” There is something scary about 20 women getting together without husbands or kids for drinking on a Friday night, with few Saturday obligations. (Jenn and Megan, i am so sorry about those ill-timed birthday parties and Math Bowls!) It is even scarier when half of them are dressed in 1980s workout gear.

Tara wins for creativity. Quite a feat to show up pregnant with twins, unable to drink, but wearing a Lakers outfit with matching high-heeled Converse kicks. The Converse, found for $3.99 at Value Village, were the hit of the party, and I am not sure who they ended up going home with after we all tried them on, but somewhere in my neighborhood, there is a husband (or a Kathy, perhaps?) who last night probably thought, “Aw, yeah! What do we have here?” and then quickly found him or herself clutching the covers, sucking a thumb, wondering when, oh when, it would be over.

Our hostess, Stacy H., managed to dig her original 80s dance clothes out of her attic, including some crazy knit bodysuit, and even more amazingly fit into them. I would be terrified if anyone tried to fit me into something, anything, i wore in high school. Shiny headbands, leg warmers, and off-the-shoulder Flashdance sweatshirts were de rigueur.

And then there were those of us who just showed up in our sweats and tees, there for the booze and the dice.

The wine was flowing freely (and I am thanking god today that I chose to bring beer last night), and we got started rolling late, so by the time we were done with three rounds, we were well in our cups. I know that everyone thinks i mean tipsy, but people who are a little tipsy don’t accidentally lock themselves in their neighbor’s bathroom, unable to get out. Twice. Wine glasses were smashed, and music was cranked up. Of course, I am kind of a music snob, and I had never heard half of the songs because I don’t listen to 95.5 The Beat (Lisa, you would be in your element, here), but it really doesn’t matter, because I am missing the dancing gene anyways. The one that makes women get tipsy and dance with each other? It just doesn’t come naturally to me. These girls? They got the gene.

So, instead, i enjoyed watching them do the Beyonce dances, while drinking beer with Lauren (she danced a bit, but evidently does not quite have the gene either) and Stacy’s husband Mike, who oddly enough, went to my high school. Mike had hit the mother lode, as he had a bunch of drunk women dancing for him in his living room. We ladies also may or may not have broken things and then made Mike clean them up, taking pictures of him when he bent over to sweep up the glass, but that part is a little fuzzy.

A good time was had by all, and i rolled into bed at almost 3.

Did i mention the food was great? Lots of great Weight Watcher’s choices. I managed to stay within my extra points for the week, which is a bit of a miracle. I just can’t eat anything else until Monday morning. But I will have no trouble abstaining, now that I know there is a chance I could really work hard and take care of my body, and do a lot of that “She’s a Maniac” dance step, and someday get a slot in the lineup of the Bunco Hos Solid Gold Dance Revue. . . someday.

A girl can dream.

Chicks Dig Todd

Saturday, January 23rd, 2010

A wonderful birthday surprise was pulled over on me last evening. Todd took me to Iberian Pig for dinner (very good – I almost cried, the Bacon-Wrapped Dates were so good.) Then we walked over to Twain’s to play some pool and found a kajillion friends there. i was suspicious, though, as not one of my friends asked me to do something for my birthday. Still made me feel sick to my stomach to be the center of attention, but I washed that away with beer. Head only hurt a little bit today.

Thanks again to Ned and Vanessa for carting me home. (They didn’t have to use a cart. I swear.) They are the best.

Pictures didn’t come out that great, but I did take one that cracked me up really hard. I took it with QuadCamera for the iPhone. It takes four shots in succession. Todd has a new shirt that has snaps, instead of buttons. The chicks were totally diggin’ it. . .

That third one just kills me.

That third one just kills me.

Best Monday Ever

Monday, December 28th, 2009

A beautiful sunny Monday. Finally home from Auburn. Went to the fireworks store. Listening to the Avett Brothers. Getting ready to pop open the first beer of the afternoon, build a fire, and download apps for the new iPhone, all while watching Georgia football.

Heaven.

Sheer Bliss

Monday, November 23rd, 2009

So, Todd went to Chicago this weekend to meet fellow Auburn boys, Brian and Tom. And to see the Pixies. Yes, I am the best wife in the world for not pitching a hissy fit that he was flying to Chicago to see one of my favorite bands ever. (Yeah, right. You know I didn’t take this lying down. I made him promise that I had a free pass if they came anywhere in the Southeast on this tour. So, if you want to go, let me know and you will be included if it comes up. ) In all seriousness, Toddler really deserved this weekend, as he is the best husband/Daddy combo ever, and he has been working his ass off for the last six months.

I decided that I would go visit my parents at the lake for the weekend. It’s always nice to have someone to talk to after the kids go to bed, and i love taking the kids to the lake where they can run free in the trees, and fish, and crawl around in the bushes and get wet and muddy. They get to learn about life in the food web via fishing and all of the dogs decimating a nest of baby squirrels. I worry they don’t get enough of that. Nature Deficit Disorder, if you will. We thought it was going to rain all weekend, but it ended up being really nice weather on Saturday, so the kids played, and I did some yardwork for my dad (leaves and pruning bushes, mostly.) So, about noon, just as i popped open a beer and was finishing my yardwork cleanup, i heard this . . . running water sound. It was pretty loud, so it didn’t take long to locate the source – the spigot in the front yard had sprung a leak. Water was bubbling up out of the ground.

This was one of those moments where i thought to myself, I should not say a word about this. Just let it run. If I say something, Cecil is going to want me to help fix this. I have fixed a leaky water pipe in this yard before. This will not be fun. Keep. Mouth. Shut.

I am dumb. I said something. We decided to eat lunch before starting to fix it. I like that when I am at the lake, I can eat things for lunch like turnip greens and leftover Old Clinton BBQ and wash it down with a margarita. (My sister had come down that morning with my nephew Dash, and god bless her, the first thing she usually does when she gets to the lake is make margaritas. I couldn’t let her drink alone, no matter how much leaky pipe i had to fix that afternoon.) After that Dad had me knee deep in mud before i finished the damn margarita.

I dug and dug and was a complete and total Goat Man in minutes. After digging a couple feet down all around the spigot, we found the trench where the water line was. In the true spirit of half-assed construction, and wiring that is the lakehouse, the water line is in the same trench as the power. So, I was digging in a hole that was quickly filling with water and through which electricity was running. Brilliant.

I did not get electrocuted, although that might have been sweet relief from my father telling me how to do everything. Twice. Because just saying it once might not sink in through my thick skull. No, everything must be stated twice. If something isn’t working, and I am trying to figure it out, while I am doing so, my father repeats his instructions. Over and over. Just taking the volume up a notch each successive time.

I finished the margarita, which was helpful both in regulating my attitude, and because I could then use the cup to bail the water out of the hole. That’s what you call forethought and ingenuity. I will just pour myself this drink, so that when i am done, i can use the cup to bail out a muddy hole filled with water.

About this time, we decided to turn the water back on, and find out where the leak was. It was, of course, right below ground level, on the pipe running up to the spigot. Not in one of the pipes running through the yard at all. Basically, this means that I didn’t really need to dig up the whole damn trench anyway. Sigh.

Dad and I went to the hardware store to get a replacement pipe. Just trust me when i say that trips to any store with my dad are a nightmare, but especially to a store where they sell things men would be interested in: manly things like trucks, lumber, tractors, fertilizer, nails, power tools, knives, guns, or ammo. I love him, but he really likes to “talk shop” with whomever the resident expert is on any subject. I usually stand around avoiding eye contact with the other folks in the store, while pretending to be really interested in joint compound. This time, I stood in Ace with mud from head to toe and checked out the vast array of dead deer heads on the wall. People walked by me like i was an insane person wandered in off the street.

We headed back to the house with our pipe, just in time to meet the neighbors who had come over to visit. This is another thing I find humorous about the country. People just show up at 2 pm on a Saturday, with a cooler and a chocolate lab on the back of their golf cart or Gator, and everyone starts drinking. In this particular instance, the two gentlemen were decked out in their Bulldog regalia and informed me that they were “tailgating.” They didn’t have a tailgate and weren’t in Athens, but i liked the spirit of it anyway.

They stood with my dad, drinking beer, while I got down in the hole and fixed the pipe, and all the while they were telling me how to do the job. “Don’t strip it now.” “You need to get it tight,” and so forth. The only saving grace to this was that they made me drink their moonshine (all the way from Silver City, Georgia! Peach flavored! Straight outta the mason jar!) and I needed two shots to make sure it tasted alright, but after that, I felt much more equipped to deal with the peanut gallery.

We finished up and the pipe was fixed, and then my kids wanted to fish, so I sat on the dock and enjoyed another beer in the late afternoon light, while making sure they didn’t plunge into the lake. I untangled crossed rod and reel lines, and put minnows on cane poles, and I was muddy, and hanging out with the pack of five or six dogs that always seem to congregate in our yard whenever we visit. It turned out to be a pretty nice day.

I was thankful for the lake and the good weather, and the company of my kids, and even my father, and some big, dumb, wet and muddy dogs. It is funny how disconnecting from the tv and the radio and the internet, getting outside in the fresh air, working, getting muddy, hearing your own breathing and the sound of your child’s laughter and dogs barking and growling and wrestling in the yard can make you feel relaxed and at peace and like all is right with the world.

Oh, and then I finally had my shower. There is no better shower than a post-yardwork, muddy Fall day, very hot shower. Then a steak dinner.

Sheer bliss.

The Streak Continues

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

Todd and I went to Athens on Saturday, for our biennial Georgia vs. Auburn football game attendance. My father-in-law usually gives us his tickets for the game when it is in Athens. He does, however, reserve the right to revoke this gift in case of the game being some huge, season-altering event for Auburn, such as both teams going into the game undefeated. Needless to say, that revocation was not put into action this season, as both teams are sucking ass.

So, we got up on Saturday, had a quiet coffee together (kids were already in Auburn with grandparents!) and then drove up to Athens. After dropping off the dog, and going back by the house to get the tickets, of course. Helps to get into the stadium if you have them.

We stopped at my friend Brant’s house and left my camera battery to charge on his porch. He was not there, and despite our best efforts to meet up, we never got ourselves together enough to do so. That did not step him and Opel from sending me awesome texts that made me laugh throughout the game. Most were directed at my dear husband, the Auburn Tiger, and what he could put into his mouth after any given play in the game.

We had T-stand (that one’s for you, Scotty P, Honey, and Ryan – if any of you can tell me exactly what I ordered, i will mail you five bucks) for lunch, then headed off to find somewhere to park. Not fun. Ended up paying a ridiculous amount for parking. I have to say that, even in the throng of obnoxious people out and about in on game day, there are few better feelings than walking around Athens and the University of Georgia campus with a beer in hand, especially when the temperature is in the 70s in November.

We headed off to Horton Drugs (I love an old-school drugstore), so that I could purchase some Tylenol, since I was coming down with a cold all that day. The old pharmacist actually came out from behind the counter and helped me find the Tylenol, even pointing out the generic, while the hippie kid cashier was obviously high.

Horton's Drugs

Horton's Drugs


After that, I took a gander at the burned out Georgia Theater. (I forgot to make my usual poke at Todd that I saw the Pixies there back in the day, and that he has to settle for seeing them come out on walkers in Chicago this weekend. I don’t know how he is gonna get by. The hardship!)
The Georgia Theater, November 2009

The Georgia Theater, November 2009

We headed over to The Globe for beer. I never really spent that much time at the Globe when I was in Athens, because I thought it was expensive and that the people who hung out there were old, professorial, and boring. Funny how your perspective changes as you age.

We went inside, grabbed a table, and then Todd went to the bar to get us a Terrapin. (When in Rome.) A seat opened up at the couch in the window. Snagged it. Then Todd, eagle eye that he is, noticed a table outside and grabbed that, and the rest is history. We did not move again until time to go to the game. Why would we move when it was 70 degrees and we had the best people watching EVER? I was not able to get shots of most of these astounding outfits, but I did snap a few.

You gotta love a town where people bring their cooler with them into the bar.

You gotta love a town where people bring their cooler with them into the bar.


You can't tell, but this charming lady has overalls with GA patches all over, including a huge one on her butt. Flattering!

You can't tell, but this charming lady has overalls with GA patches all over, including a huge one on her butt. Flattering!


Overalls aren't just for the ladies. At least this gentleman knows that vertical stripes are slimming!

Overalls aren't just for the ladies. At least this gentleman knows that vertical stripes are slimming!


This lady cracked me up. She has a football field sweater. A bulldog necklace. She is not messing around about her love of the Bulldogs.

This lady cracked me up. She has a football field sweater. A bulldog necklace. She is not messing around about her love of the Bulldogs.


Even the bulldogs want you to be sure you know for whom they are pulling . . .

Even the bulldogs want you to be sure you know for whom they are pulling . . .


One more comment about fashion, and then I will stop. IF YOU ARE WEARING BROWN BOOTS WITH A SKIRT OR SHORT DRESS, YOU BETTER DAMN WELL BE AT LEAST 5’7″ AND UNDER 130 POUNDS OR YOU WILL LOOK LIKE A COW. I am not kidding, ladies. Every girl under 25 in Athens, Bulldog or Tiger, was wearing a short dress or skirt with brown boots that come up to about halfway up the calf. We saw whole packs of these young ladies, and this was the main point that we came up with as a group. (By this time, we have been joined by our friend Annie and her boyfriend, Scott. Annie is Auburn folk, but Scott, God bless’im, is a Georgia fan, so I was not outnumbered.)
Fellows of the Peanut Gallery

Fellows of the Peanut Gallery


We also recommend longer skirts for the heavier girls, and dark tights look better with these boots. I will not be wearing my brown boots with a skirt ever again after this weekend. Only with jeans. Not kidding when I say that the brown boot/short skirt look is the “bow head” of the 2009 season. However, if you spend a lot of time with drunks, I guess it is okay: Both Todd and Scott became more lenient on the skirt length issue after a few drinks.
On their way to grab beer from the car.

On their way to grab beer from the car.


We sat and watched folks walk to campus until the sun started to go down, then walked to the car to get more beer to carry with us. One needs sustenance to get from downtown to the stadium on game day – it took us almost 45 minutes to get through the crowd, but the walk was enjoyable.
I love this time of day in Athens.

I love this time of day in Athens.


We made it down to Park Hall, with just enough time to drink a last beer. I must have spent a million hours on the steps of this building, smoking when I should have been in class, having crossword puzzle wars with Kevin. (The Red and Black had the easiest crossword puzzle ever. We would get it and then race to see who would finish it first.) I think this is probably where i met Vanessa and Robin, too, and when you think about it, if I hadn’t met them, i never would have met my husband. Funny how life works that way. So, it was fitting that we sat here and drank beer and people-watched some more.
Old Stomping Grounds

Old Stomping Grounds


I mostly posted this one because I like the light. I do not endorse tobacco use.

I mostly posted this one because I like the light. I do not endorse tobacco use.


This is not what the front of Park Hall looked like when I went to school here. Fancy!

This is not what the front of Park Hall looked like when I went to school here. Fancy!


This is what i look like very sober. This is what Todd looks like when he is humoring me.

This is what i look like very sober. This is what Todd looks like when he is humoring me.


This is what i look like when I am heckling a young man trying to pee in a corner.

This is what i look like when I am heckling a young man trying to pee in a corner.


This is the only picture I could get of me with Annie showing her face.

This is the only picture I could get of me with Annie showing her face.


We finally finished beers (I say this as if I didn’t just about shotgun two in a row) and then made our way through the madness of Sanford to the stadium. There is something so surreal about a night game, and all of the people and their anticipation. We split up from Annie and Scott at this point. Despite all of my efforts, Scott did not ditch Annie and take me to his club seats with him, even though I would have been much more fun. His loss!
This guy evidently never ages. He has been there as long as I can remember. Note that I have no problem with people who love Jesus; Only the ones who tell me I am going to burn in hell when i am just trying to have a good time with friends at a football game.

This guy evidently never ages. He has been there as long as I can remember. Note that I have no problem with people who love Jesus; Only the ones who tell me I am going to burn in hell when i am just trying to have a good time with friends at a football game.


See up there in the very top of the left-hand corner? That is where we sat.

See up there in the very top of the left-hand corner? That is where we sat.


We made our way all the way up to our seats. I have to say that all of the folks in the Auburn visitor’s section were really polite and well-behaved. I am not saying they were not rabid, and I did have to give the evil eye to one dude who drunkenly kept on saying, when Rambo was lying motionless on the field, “I hope he’s okay, but that was a cheap shot. I mean, hope the dude’s alright, but cheap shot.” Over and over, while this poor kid was on the field, and they must have been taking the longest commercial break in history, because it felt like forever and we were starting to think the kid had died out there on the field. It was kind of strange to hear the whole stadium chanting, “Rambo! Rambo! Rambo!” as he lay there on the field. But overall, they were really nice. I wish I could say the same about the four bulldog fans sitting behind us. They were probably early to mid 20s. Not sure if they were students or not. Three boys and a girl. And one of them would not stop yelling obscenities. There was a gentleman sitting in front of him with his two sons, who were both under ten years of age or so. I guess the man asked the guys to tone it down. I turned around to hear the Georgia fan yelling at the guy that “there’s a law about bringing kids to night games.” The kids looked terrified. The father looked like he wanted to punch the Bulldog. The straw that broke the camel’s back for me was the three Auburn fans trying to ignore them, and the stupid girl sitting there giving the finger to the back of the father’s head, while one of the kids looked on. Todd thought it was stupid, but i went up and asked them to please start behaving themselves. The guy proceeded to tell me that kids weren’t allowed at football games, blahblahblah. The girl laughed at me. I am officially old, because i told them that their mamas would be ashamed of them. I apologized to the man and his kids and asked if they would like to come sit in our seats. They did move, and two Auburn fans thanked me. Todd was right; it was completely pointless to argue about it with dumb drunk kids, but it made me feel better anyway. Not long after this incident, Auburn ran the kickoff back for a touchdown, and I am pretty sure it was bad Bulldog karma that caused the whole thing.
Watching the game with Auburn folks is always interesting. I find myself cheering, but in a very firm, but sportsmanlike manner. There are usually a few other token bulldogs up there, too, and we give some high fives and the like. But really, I try to keep a pretty low profile, and just be polite. It’s pretty orange and blue up there!
This guy was uber-enthusiastic. I thought Todd might end up making out with him.

This guy was uber-enthusiastic. I thought Todd might end up making out with him.


It would be third down, Georgia, and he would turn around and rile the Auburn crowd up.

It would be third down, Auburn, and he would turn around and rile the crowd up.


Then he would turn back around to watch the play. He was more entertaining than the game.

Then he would turn back around to watch the play. He was more entertaining than the game.


This woman was the Auburn version of my Mom cheering for the Vols. Look at those flashing eyes! She was looking right at me, too, Bulldog interloper that i am. She kinda scared me.

This woman was the Auburn version of my Mom cheering for the Vols. Look at those flashing eyes! She was looking right at me, too, Bulldog interloper that i am.


After the game, we headed back to the car, and then drove out to Bishop to stay the night with our friend BT. He and some of the Auburn folks watched the game. I got the usual chilly reception from the die hard fans (I’m lookin’ at you, Kim!), but folks warmed up after I had been there a while. Or maybe that was the bonfire. We sat by the fire, drank beer, and looked at the stars. I ate leftover ribs and potato salad. Yum! And then my coughing overtook me and I had to head for bed.
Sweet, sweet sleep was finally had by me. Except not really, because I got the consumption and coughed all night.

Sweet, sweet sleep was finally had by me. Except not really, because I got the consumption and coughed all night.


I don’t know what time Todd and the rest came to bed, but it was late. The next morning, we got up and left for Atlanta.
Morning in Bishop, GA.

Morning in Bishop, GA.

Oh! Who won, you ask?
Why, the Bulldogs, of course. It was a great game.

Final: 31-24.

My streak continues. See, Todd and I have gone to three Auburn/GA games together in Athens. Georgia has won all three. I also went to an Auburn game with Todd in Auburn, when they played some crappy team. Florida Atlantic, or something like that. Auburn lost that time, too. So, I am not sure whether I am a good luck charm for Georgia, or more of a curse for Auburn.

I like to think it is a little of both.

A Halloween Story

Sunday, November 1st, 2009

Last night, we took the kids trick or treating, despite the misty rain, and the mud, and the fact that the Gators were still in the midst of kicking Georgia’s ass. Sometimes, it is better to just walk away and eat candy and drink beer.

Rollie was a mummy (Not that fun a costume to put together, and even worse to remove! Like the old school costume ideas, though.) and Tills was a cheerleader. We went to meet neighbors a couple of streets over for a neighborhood tradition. A family has always done a pinata before trick or treating. It started with just a family or two, but over the years, has ballooned to tons of neighborhood kids showing up to take a shot at the pinata. I think they even have two pinatas, one for the big kids and one for the little ones. So many people show up that I dropped candy off the day before to help out. The whole thing is a ball of candy frenzy, but so much fun. It gives the parents a chance to group, pour themselves a drink (everyone has a cup or a rolling cooler with them), chat while the kids wait in line for their turn to whack the pinata, and to check out all the costumes in the floodlights of the driveway. When the pinata finally cracks open, candy rains from the sky, and the scramble for booty begins. One mother in my neighborhood aptly referred to it as “like a scene out of Lord of the Flies.” I loved that book! Perhaps not for everyone, though.

After that, we all give our thanks and head around the loop to trick or treat. The bigger kids race from door to door, their parents yelling, “slow down! It isn’t a race! Wait for your sister! You’re going to trip over something cutting through a dark yard like that! Don’t ring that doorbell! Porch light off means they aren’t giving out candy!” The shrieks and yells carry through the night, echoing off the houses. The parents walk down the middle of the street, then weave to one side or the other, depending on which house the kids are going to. Occasionally, the kids stop at the parents to yell excitedly that a certain house gave a certain something awesome. Some houses have scary stuff – motion-activated sound machines or mummies and vampires that pop up when the kids approach the steps. One got Tiller so bad that she turned around and ran back across the yard, to the sound of myself and todd roaring in laughter. Parents drag coolers or wagons or push strollers (they make great drink transportation!) The little ones get tired about 3/4 of the way and start dragging and wanting up to be carried or in the wagon. (“Baby, Mama’s cooler’s in the wagon. You better keep walking.”) We finally finish the loop and head home, the kids wild-eyed and digging into their candy before we get there. We visit the old folks around us, which we should have done before going to the pinata, but damn it, Mummies are hard to wrap. The old folks make over the kids and the kids stumble over their words trying to explain everything that they saw, and who was dressed up as what.

Then you get home, and you let the kids have some candy. (Yes, we are terrible and limited their intake right before bed. We wash off mummy makeup and take off saddle oxfords and tights and tuck them into bed, visions of pumpkins and candy dancing in their heads.

Then we rummage through their candy, and pour ourselves a drink. Finally, we walk out into the carport to blow out the candles in the pumpkin and step on a pile of muddy shoes, twisting our ankle and bumping our head on the brick wall, our screams of agony resonating throughout the neighborhood under a Waxing Gibbous moon. We limp back to the couch with the help of our husband, who brings us a water, Ibuprofen, a bag of frozen fruit, and a beer. We prop our foot up, icing it and watching The Night of the Living Dead.

I Love My Auburn Tiger Husband

Saturday, October 10th, 2009

He just decided to turn off his game in complete disgust and take the kids to the beach, thus leaving me alone with Quint the dog in an empty beach house, watching GA on the nice tv. Pouring my second Bloody Mary (V8 for vitamins and minerals, vodka to kill the cold) and thinking how awesome it must be to have the last name Rambo.