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Archive for the ‘food’ Category

Bountiful: The Joy of Being a Total Ouiser

Monday, July 18th, 2016

Clairee: “Why do you give all these to me?”
Ouiser Boudreaux: “Somebody’s gotta take em, I hate em, I try not to eat healthy food if I can possibly help it.”

Anelle: “Then why do you grow them?”
Ouiser: “Because I’m an old Southern woman and we’re supposed to wear funny looking hats and ugly clothes and grow vegetables in the dirt. Don’t ask me those questions. I don’t know why, I don’t make the rules!”

–  Steel Magnolias

I’ve been working really hard on looking at positives this Summer. Summer makes looking at positives much easier, what with all the sunshine, and water, and ice cream and such. Basically, that means I’m trying to make quick work of the things I don’t enjoy, and then finding (making) the time to do the things I love. Reading, writing, running, dog cuddles, listening to music, dabbling in the worst painting ever (anyone local want to take a painting class with me?), volleyball. . . Hell, y’all. I’m taking up tennis again. But the thing that absolutely brings me the most joy? My garden.

My garden has expanded in the last couple of years. Instead of the one bed I started out with down at the street, we now have a sunnier spot in the side yard and we’ve put two more beds there. I love vegetables. Pretty much all vegetables. But tomatoes. Oh, tomatoes! They are my heart and soul.

And I went a little bit overboard this year with the tomato plants. Not really, but keeping up with all of them has proven challenging. We have tomatoes lining the windows.

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And tomatoes (and okra, and basil, and cucumbers, and peppers and beans) in baskets.

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In response we’ve taken to pickling and freezing like we were my Grandma. Our fridge is already packed to the gills with pickles. And pickled things. The last few days, we’ve been bombarded with more vegetables than we can possibly eat. I gave a bunch to my sister. And today, I spent the day putting up veggies.

So, I made another jar of dills, and then an extra “Kitchen Sink” jar – Cucumbers, green beans, jalapenos, and banana peppers all jammed in together.

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I made okra and tomatoes. Reminds me of my mama. So good, even if I’m probably the only one that will eat it.

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I’ve already frozen about a kabillion cherry tomatoes, but I froze some more. (Those are easy. Dump them in a bag. Seal the bag. Freeze them. Use over the winter for sauces and soups. Yum.)

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We still have tons more of the cherries, so we will probably make caprese salad for dinner every night this week. My favorite and the kids like it, too. (Although, let’s be honest, it’s just a vehicle for olive oil and mozzarella, right?)

And I also tried out roasting cherry tomatoes and they were so damn good that the neighbor kid and I almost ate them all and had no more to freeze. I’ll have to do those again. Easy and delicious.

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I made a ton of pesto. I usually make it every week or so during the summer and then freeze it. There is nothing better than homemade pesto on a cold night in January. I put it in piles on a cookie sheet and freeze them, then put them in freezer bags for storage.

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This time, though, I put some in mason jars to freeze. I’m hoping that will help with the color issue. Freezing it makes it lose it’s brighter green color and it basically ends up looking like baby poo. It does not taste like baby poo. We’ll see how that goes. That second jar below got hit hard, because I had to taste it and make sure that it tasted alright. It’s gonna be pretty good, I think. I also feel sick from too much pure pesto ingestion.

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And then to cap it all off, I set up some of my herbs to dry: Marjoram, oregano, lemongrass, chamomile, lemon thyme, tarragon, and chives. (Already have a ton of dried basil.) Finally found a use for my grandma’s clothes pins that I brought home from the lake. I couldn’t bear to get rid of them. Weird, I know.

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I know. I’m a total Ouiser. This is universally acknowledged by all who know me: Cantankerous, sharp-tongued, blunt and honest. I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 40 years.

But growing things makes me happy, and makes me feel tethered to the earth, and I am going to be super pleased to have that frozen stuff over the winter. I’m gonna need some help eating the pickles this summer, though, so hit me up if you like pickled things. And I’ll definitely have them at Wednesday night pool dinners, so come by and have some.

P.s. Debbie, if you read this, and you like pickles or pesto or anything else you have seen above, I would like to propose a trade, because I badly want to try your ice cream. Badly.

More Fun at the Dinner Table (Or, “Why I Drink”)

Thursday, January 7th, 2016

You may remember a while back when I wrote about that time I talked to my 6th grader about strip clubs over dinner. It’s always something at the dinner table. So, tonight, I came home after a canceled therapy appointment. Thank you therapist, for canceling after I’ve already driven from my office in Cumming all the way down 400 and around 285 to Decatur. If you don’t live in Atlanta, just picture the seven circles of Hell. It’s bad.

Since I’m doing Dryuary, I couldn’t even hit Brickstore instead for a beer. I was cold and hungry, because I’m also doing The Fast Metabolism Diet. Don’t laugh, it’s not really a diet, it’s more of a lifestyle of clean eating, and I actually lost over 50 pounds a few years ago doing it, and kept it off. It works and it makes you feel good. It changed the way I eat and is pretty much responsible for the fact that I will eat half an avocado with a spoon, and then just have wine for dessert. I just can’t stuff myself so much anymore. Anyway, it is much better than training for a half-marathon, I’ll tell you that much, which I also did, and I gained ten pounds in the process.

Let’s just say I was the Mayor of Crankytown by the time I arrived home today. But it’s always something at dinner, and tonight was no different. A story in three parts.

Part I

The husband went to the grocery store on his way home and cooked dinner. He’s a good egg. We were about to sit down, but I was still freezing, and frankly, I just wanted to put my PJs on at seven p.m., so I went upstairs to change.

When I came back downstairs, I made a plate and heard Todd and Tiller whispering.

“What?” I asked, eyebrows raised.

More giggling, then leaning across the table for more whispering.

Tiller sat back, looking very pleased with herself, and said, “Mom, 1992 called, and they want their outfit back.”

Let’s back it up here a second and place the blame for this statement squarely where it belongs. That would be Jason B., who just a couple of days ago posted the same thing on my Facebook page when I posted a new profile photo.

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What? I’m wearing a hat, because I’m outside waiting on Uber after watching the football game, by myself with my new friends Saleem and Melvin, at the bar of a local restaurant and it’s cold. And plaid flannel never goes out of style. It’s a classic. Period. I can’t help it if my hair looks about the same as back in 1992. You’re wearing yours differently now, aren’t you, Jason? (You mess with the bull, you get the horns, you know what I’m saying?) Point being, Todd obviously borrowed this little gem from Jason. Moving on. . . .

I don’t really wear PJs. I usually wear a tank top and panties (or boxers if I’m walking around the house) in the summer. In the winter, leggings, and a tee shirt, with a sweater, sweatshirt or hoodie. I like fluffy slippers, and I don’t care how silly they look, as long as they are warm, and they have hard soles that can be worn outside in the damp. I wore holes in my old slippers, so the girl gave me some for Christmas, and they are indeed fluffy on the inside, and they look like Uggs, but shorter, which makes me laugh, because I’m not really an Uggs kind of girl.

Now, the difference is that tonight I had put on my new nightgown, which I purchased mostly because I needed pajamas of some sort that didn’t have any holes in them, and this was the same price as some crap that I returned from Christmas that I will never wear. And so I bought a nightgown. I have not had a new nightgown in over ten years. Over that, I put on my Bitter Southerner sweatshirt, which I love, (Thanks, Todd!) because, as I mentioned, it is cold.

So, Tiller cuts me down, and then everyone laughs at my expense, and I pretended to be mad, but let’s be honest, the joke’s on them:  I was all warm and toasty in my slippers and comfy clothes, and I had taken off my bra after wearing it all day, which all women of bra-wearing age universally acknowledge as the second coming of Jesus Christ.

Let’s cut to the chase. I looked like this:

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Nobody wore Uggs knockoff slippers in the 90s. This sweatshirt didn’t even exist five years ago. And I weighed about 40 pounds less. The kitchen, on the other hand, is completely stuck in the 80s. . . .

And then Tills and I goofed off.

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See how she’s wearing a fleece at dinner? Because it’s cold.

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Brody doesn’t like wrestling or demonstrations of affection of any kind. I mentioned it’s cold, right?

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Part II

So, then, we sit down and eat. Rollie is reading a book at the table. Todd doesn’t like reading at the table, which is anathema to me. He finds it rude. But somehow over the years we’ve come to a truce, and I only do it when I’m having the absolute worst day ever. Or when he is out of town. Then Tiller, Rollie, and I all get giddy and grab our reading material and sit around the table in ecstasy.

“Rollie, are you reading at the table?” I ask.

“Yes.” Sullen 12-year-old. I look at Todd to see his reaction.

“Are we allowed to read at the table?” I ask.

Todd says, “Of course, although I don’t know why you wouldn’t want to sit and talk with your family.”

Rollie, deadpan: “Because we could be reading books.”

Rollie and I high five.

I ask Rollie, “What are you reading?”

Tiller says, “He’s reading my new copy of The Graveyard Book, and he’s bent up all the pages!”

“Dogeared it, you mean, Tiller?” I say. “Rollie, did you ask if you could read her copy of the book? We already have a copy, but either way, you should have asked. And you definitely don’t dogear someone’s book without their permission.”

“Okay.” He doesn’t even look up from the book.

I say, “Thank you for letting him borrow your book, Tiller. Likewise, he has lots of books, and since he doesn’t mind dogearing, I think you can dogear his books when you borrow them. But I would ask first.”

Tiller is aghast. “I wouldn’t want to dog-ear his books! It crumples up all the pages and looks messy!”

My two children are night and day. And that female one . . . well, if I didn’t see her come out with my own two eyes, I would swear we were unrelated.

Part III

Oh Lord. This one takes the cake. I get up from the table to do the dishes. Someone makes a comment about my butt, and my son says: “Dat Turnaround Doe.” Um, if you don’t understand this language (and I really can’t blame you for that one bit), this and this will probably help clear it up. A little. The misspelling will never make sense to me, nor be okay. It’s just wrong.

[needle scratches across record]

Todd and I do turn around and stare at him, and in near unison, “What did you just say?”

R. (tentatively, the boy ain’t dumb) repeats it.

Todd says, “You don’t say that to your mother, first of all.”

“Where did you learn that?” I ask.

Rollie looks at us like we’re dumber than a box of rocks. “The Internet. Duh.”

“Do you even know what that means?” Todd asks.

“Not really.”

“If you heard it on the internet and you don’t know what it means, you don’t need to be saying it,” I chime in.

“Okay, okay.”

Y’all. I’m not sure I’m going to make it through a whole month. I love my family. They make me laugh. But this stuff is part of the reason I drink.

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Cousin Jane, and Beulah’s Pickle Recipe

Friday, June 15th, 2012

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It’s been one year, today, since my Cousin Jane was brutally murdered in her home in Chattanooga. What a difficult year it has been for her family and friends, grappling with ideas of good and evil, and heaven and loss. Not a day goes by for those who loved her that they don’t think of her, with both sadness and fondness. So, like others who loved her, I have been dreading this day, and my heart has felt heavy all week.

But life goes on, whether we want it to or not. Bills to be paid, kids to feed, etc. I got a new iPhone this week, and I was cleaning out my email inbox before setting it up, and let’s just say I had emails saved from YEARS ago. I still had an email that Jane had sent me in November of 2009. My mom had told me that the pickles I’d made were okay, but that I needed to get the recipe for her Aunt Beulah’s pickles from Jane; Beulah’s bread and butter pickles were just the best, said Mom. So, I had emailed Jane, and she had promised to send me the recipe, and sure enough she did.

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When you layer the cucumber, onion and bell pepper, I usually sprinkle with a little of the canning salt and a layer of ice, ending with ice on top. You will quickly get your fill of slicing the cucumbers. If you run low on syrup, just whip up some more, maybe cutting the recipe in half. 2 ½ cups of sugar and vinegar, etc. I usually clean my kitchen sink and put all the vegetables in it. Leave the drain open So, at the end of next summer, I expect a jar of pickles. Enjoy, Jane.

I can’t tell you how much I regret not making those pickles, and not taking a jar up to Jane in Chattanooga, and letting her try them, and having her tell me whether they tasted like Beulah’s. Jane and Beulah are gone now (hell, Beulah was gone long before I was born!), so I hope they won’t be mad at me for sharing the family recipe. I think I might make some this summer, and maybe get Tiller to help, then take a jar to my Mama and see if they taste right. I thought other folks, especially those who loved Jane, might have cucumbers coming in, and want to make some of Beulah’s Bread and Butter Pickles. If you do, say a little thank you to Jane and Beulah for sharing with us. I’m not sure why passing down recipes is comforting, but I do know that there is still good in the world and that I found Beulah’s pickle recipe in my inbox this week for a reason.

With Love and a few tears,
Annie

Happy New Year!

Sunday, January 2nd, 2011

We stayed home last night, and friends came over. Ned and Vanessa also didn’t have a sitter, so we decided to do a slumber party again this year. Surprisingly, our friends Matt and Shannon, and Carlie and Brandon, both childless, came also. I guess we are all getting old and they didn’t want to do the whole bar/party scene. (I did sneak out for an hour to my neighbor’s party, and would liked to have been in two places at once. Looked fun.)

Ned and Vanessa brought their lab, Summer, and Matt and Shannon brought their dogs, Omar and Bodhi. There were dogs everywhere, and Simon (the black cat) is still livid even after they have all been gone for hours. If I die by an anvil falling on my head, Simon is most certainly responsible.

Lisa and Dashie came, too. They just stayed for dinner.

Lisa and Dashie came, too. They just stayed for dinner.

Rollie, Scarlett, and Tiller watched movies.

Rollie, Scarlett, and Tiller watched movies.

Then, the kids started going crazy, wanting sparklers.

Then, the kids started going crazy, wanting sparklers.

And more crazy.

And more crazy.

Yes, those PJs are flammable. @NervousNellieMother

Yes, those PJs are flammable. @NervousNellieMother

I love those damn goofy kids.

I love those damn goofy kids.

So cute together.

So cute together.

Kids waiting not so patiently for Ned to fire up the big fireworks.

Kids waiting not so patiently for Ned to fire up the big fireworks.

Scarlett used her time to strike some poses. Nessie claims that she didn't teach her this, but come on. We've all seen Nessa get self-whiplash to get into the proper pose before the camera clicks.

Scarlett used her time to strike some poses. Nessie claims that she didn't teach her this, but come on. We've all seen Nessa get self-whiplash to get into the proper pose before the camera clicks.

The kids ran like crazy in the front yard inbetween the big fireworks. Carlie and I cowered in fear behind some bushes.

The kids ran like crazy in the front yard inbetween the big fireworks. Carlie and I cowered in fear behind some bushes.

Ned and Carlie relaxing after setting things on fire.

Ned and Carlie relaxing after setting things on fire.

This is Matt. He is probably saying snarky, back-handed things about UGA.

This is Matt. He is probably saying snarky, back-handed things about UGA.

Before midnight, we did some hanging by the fire with the dogs.

Before midnight, we did some hanging by the fire with the dogs.

All the couples kissed at midnight. We are all cute. Then we all kissed each others husbands and wives. Yeah, that's how it is.

All the couples kissed at midnight. We are all cute. Then we all kissed each others husbands and wives. Yeah, that's how it is.

I totally threw Brandon under the bus on this one, but Carlie looked so cute, I had to include this one.

I totally threw Brandon under the bus on this one, but Carlie looked so cute, I had to include this one.

And Ned and Nessie. Isn't her new hair color cute?

And Ned and Nessie. Isn't her new hair color cute?

And me and Mr. Dogwood. Not a great picture, but the only one of the two of us.

And me and Mr. Dogwood. Not a great picture, but the only one of the two of us.

Love these girls!

Love these girls!

Matt ruined the picture watching tv. We've all been spending NYE together since Y2K! Except we used to go to the beach and we didn't have kids. We did have puzzles and other recreational activities. And a lot of alcohol.

Matt ruined the picture watching tv. We've all been spending NYE together since Y2K! Except we used to go to the beach and we didn't have kids. We did have puzzles and other recreational activities. And a lot of alcohol.

Shannon and Nessie and I solved all the problems of the world after midnight. Unfortunately, I cannot remember what we decided now.

Shannon and Nessie and I solved all the problems of the world after midnight. Unfortunately, I cannot remember what we decided now.

Matt was dressed like a WWII airplane mechanic. Lisa and I called him Hawkeye.

Matt was dressed like a WWII airplane mechanic. Lisa and I called him Hawkeye.

And Ned, back in black, tending the fire.

And Ned, back in black, tending the fire.

So, overall, a very low-key night. The kids never made it to midnight, but I think they could next year. They were still up at 7 this morning. It was fun to get up in the chaos of coffee-making, casserole-baking, cereal-pouring, and dog petting. What a madhouse. We ate breakfast and chatted and lounged with dogs, then everyone left.

I put on the greens and the black eyed peas. Lounged on the couch with Tiller and watched about ten episodes of Tom and Jerry. (Thank you, Boomerang!) Watched some football with Todd and Rollie. Ate two helpings of the peas and greens. Tiller had the worst hangover – she fell asleep on the couch and slept for almost two hours. I fell asleep on the floor with my dog. Can’t remember the last time I fell asleep on the floor in the middle of the afternoon. It was nice, but that weird waking-up-in-the-dark thing always makes me feel strange.

Kids are in bed now, and I watched Saving Private Ryan (sucks me in every time), while eating a Bowl of Shame for the ages. I think Bridget Jones said it best:

I do think New Year’s resolutions can’t technically be expected to begin on New Year’s Day, don’t you? Since, because it’s an extension of New Year’s Eve, smokers are already on a smoking roll and cannot be expected to stop abruptly on the stroke of midnight with so much nicotine in the system. Also dieting on New Year’s Day isn’t a good idea as you can’t eat rationally but really need to be free to consume whatever is necessary, moment by moment, in order to ease your hangover. I think it would be much more sensible if resolutions began generally on January the second. ~Helen Fielding, Bridget Jones’s Diary

So, my resolution, to hit the Weight Watcher’s again, will start Tuesday morning. The kids go back to school that day, and no sane person would spend over two weeks with their offspring, 24 hours a day, and then try to quit drinking before the reinforcements come. That would be crazy.

So, I bid you all a Happy New Year! I am too tired to go on. Sweet dreams from Dogwood Girl.

Official Fudge Tester, Christmas 2010

Thursday, December 23rd, 2010

Official Fudge Tester of the 2010 Christmas Season

A Good Day

Sunday, December 5th, 2010

I thought I was having kind of a crazy day. I started my period yesterday, and I had to do a newsletter for a non-profit, and we still had a bare Christmas tree just sitting around undecorated. We got it on Friday and didn’t even have time to decorate it until late this afternoon, and the kids were just driving me batshit crazy about all the Christmas stuff in piles that wasn’t put up yet.

But then my wonderful husband went to the store for tampons for me when I really didn’t feel like it. He took the kids with him. Then he came home, cooked me dinner, and made brownies for dessert. He is mine, girls. Mine, all mine! Taken!

Then, as I was eating a Brownie bowl of shame, a friend sent me a v. nice message about enjoying my blog (consider this your shout out!) and now I kind of feel pretty happy.

Not a bad day. Lots to be thankful for – I can’t complain. Nothing like good friends, a hot brownie, and a full box of tampons to turn your day around.

I Love Summer

Friday, June 25th, 2010

Got this outta my garden, and made four batches of pesto, too.

Bounty

Especially loving the Asparagus beans. . . Can’t wait till the cutting tomatoes come in and i can have a tomato sandwich for lunch every day. Ahhhhhh.

Summer Breakfast

Tuesday, June 15th, 2010

I love summer. Picked this stuff this morning and then couldn’t wait to eat it. Tomato Basil Sandwich. Sliced cucumbers. Asparagus Beans sauteed in garlic and red pepper.

Summer Breakfast

Disjointed Beach Post

Friday, April 2nd, 2010

Fair warning: This will be a very disjointed post. I’m all over the place this morning, with lots of little things to say and none of them important. (Self-promotion, you see, is not my strong point.)

We’re at Hilton Head for the weekend. Todd needed a bit of a vacation before he starts the new job in a couple weeks. I’ll hit the high points for you:

It’s supposed to be in the 80s all weekend and no rain.

I bought my first Disney Princess product for Tiller last night. For some reason, the Princess and the Frog seems less Disneyish to me, and really, that’s just because it’s all New Orleans and has an African American princess on it. I am not self-aware enough to know exactly what this says about me. Suffice to say that Tiller has new Disney “fwip fwops.”

The Fwip Fwop of My Discontent

Carrie, I passed that gas station where you felt pukey after girl’s weekend and I thought of you.

I had the grouper last night.

I never knew that one condo could contain this many lighthouses.

The buggies at Bi Lo have drink holders in them. Brilliant.

Drink Holders in the Buggies at Bi-Lo

Todd found the Holy Grail at a local restaurant. The cup. The Holy Grail of Au Jus.

We found the Holy Grail of Au Jus.

I miss my dog. Hilton Head is nice, and I love the paths running all over the island and the drive is much easier, but in Cape San Blas, I can sit on the beach with my best buddy. He is going to the lake with Aunt Lisa for the weekend, so he will be a happy camper and never miss me, but I miss him.

The Pirate Queen, and her Former Associates

Saturday, March 6th, 2010

So, I am the Pirate Queen. I know, I know. . . I should have told you all. But we don’t really talk about it.

That’s a lie. Todd finally told the kids about a year ago.

“Your Mother’s The Pirate Queen.”

I was a little miffed that he didn’t tell them i am The Bandit Queen, because i love her, but I guess Pirate Queen is pretty bitchin’ too. The kids were in awe. They scream and get that scared look when I play pirate queen. We even have an old trunk in our bedroom that belonged to my Aunt Lessie. Todd told the kids that they can’t go into the trunk because it contains a skeleton. In reality, it holds:

a couple of tees that belonged to the kids when they were babies

Love letters and crap from a couple of ex-boyfriends (guess i should get rid of them, but i think they are funny)

three old hat boxes

mardi gras beads

college diploma and cap and gown

pennies

photos

God knows what else. (I don’t open it! There’s a skeleton in there!)

So, the other day, Tiller and I were at Jason’s Deli. The cool thing about JD is that they have both ice cream and a salad bar. I can get healthy stuff and tiller can get diabetes. Win win.

So, we are sitting there. Tiller has her ice cream cone in one hand and her potato chip in another, dipping the chips into the ice cream. Her hair makes her look like a mental patient, because she cut it herself that morning with craft scissors. I am on my iPhone, getting my ass kicked in Scrabble by Jerry Kane, which is sad, because i have like a million hours to come up with a play while Tiller, the slowest eater in the East, finishes her Ice Cream Chips.

Tiller whispers, pointing a finger over my head, her eyes HUGE in her face: “Mama.”

Me, distractedly, because how am I going to overcome the damn EIGHTY POINT WORD JERRY KANE JUST LAID ON ME? “Yes, baby?”

Tiller: “Mama, look. It’s a pirate.” Her frightened whisper catches my attention.

Me, pushing her pointing finger down to the tabletop: “Baby, it’s not nice to point.” I look over my right shoulder as a man walks past. I watch him walk to his table, his back to us, then he pulls out a chair, sits down, and his face is revealed to me as he turns to his dining partner.

He’s wearing an eye patch.

The Decemberists’ The Bandit Queen, for reference: