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Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

The Bear Went Over the Mountain

Friday, September 19th, 2014

It has all come full circle. I have become my parents.

 

Tonight we watched Forrest Gump with the kids. I do not recommend this movie for 8 and 11-year-olds. Sure, Forrest is sweet, but bullying, child abuse, racism, war, death, amputation, implied nudity, sex, drugs, cancer, AIDs. This is not a kid’s movie. We watched it anyway. We had some good discussions and a lot went over their heads. They actually really liked the movie, and of course they think it is funny when I cry. Which i do, pretty much the whole movie.

 

So, there is this one scene, where Forrest goes to see Jenny at her all girls’ college, and she takes her bra off (but you don’t see anything, but Forrest does), and Forrest ejaculates. And when that scene came on, and we realized what was about to happen, Todd, sitting between Tiller and Rollie on the couch, put his hands over Tiller’s eyes, and he told Rollie not to look, and Rollie wanted to look, so I did exactly what I was taught to do in that situation.

 

I sang “The Bear Went Over the Mountain” at the top of my voice, distracting the kids from the TV and drowning out the sound of the movie. Todd joined in, as if my father passed down this little coping mechanism to him the day of our wedding. And then we acted like nothing much happened.

 

Yep, as a kid, my father sang “The Bear went over the Mountain” during any romantic or sex scene in any tv or movie. Until i was at least sixteen.

 

Oh. Except that time he took me to the theater to see Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan. It’s hard to sing “The Bear Went Over the Mountain” at the movie theater at Roswell Mall. So, instead, there was 12 year old me, sitting next to my Dad, who was lusting after Andie McDowell the whole time. (Pretty sure he still does.)

 

The Bear Went Over the Mountain: Because it’s easier than talking to your children honestly about sex.

 

(Footnote: When Forrest is sitting on the bench in Savannah, waiting on the bus, and he gives Jenny’s address to the lady next to him, it is Henry St. Where my grandparents lived. Pretty weird.)

Recipe for a Good Weekend: The Five Bs

Monday, September 1st, 2014

I know everyone else says their Labor Day weekend was great, but I’m pretty sure mine was the best.

 

First of all, I have an 11 year old now. We took him and five of his friends to the G braves game. The main thing you need to know about the Gwinnett Braves is that THEY SELL BOILED P-NUTS AT THE STADIUM.

 

It makes me feel a little off-kilter when I see how big the boys have all gotten. . .

 

(l-r) Jonah, Milo, Jack, Ben, Aidan, and Rollie, at the Gwinnett Braves.

(l-r) Jonah, Milo, Jack, Ben, Aidan, and Rollie, at the Gwinnett Braves.

 

They talk. A LOT. Mostly about farts. They are at a crazy age where they are still little kids, and yet almost teenagers sometimes. They listen to REALLY bad music. I mean, really bad. They think it’s good. One of them went so far as to say, “Parents don’t get it. Pop is the music of the future.” And “Mary broke her middle finger. Now she can’t use it any more.” Me: “Use it for what?” Kid: “Playing the recorder.” So, these six stayed up til like 1 am, laughing, inhaling pizza, talking smack, and playing video games. And now my basement smells like puberty.

 

~~~~~

And then there was this:

Oh, baby.

Oh, baby.

On Saturday, my sainted husband took the kids and dog to the lake, and Brett came and picked me up. Brett is my ex-husband from high school. I have known him since middle school, through high school, and into college. We have somehow stayed in touch, even though we have not lived in the same city (and sometimes country) since college. He is like family now. And the fact that he gave me first dibs on tickets (after his own family, of course) meant a lot. So, it’s not often that married folks get to spend an hour or so riding in a car, hanging out and chatting. And Brett and I got all day. (Luckily, we made it through the hellacious turn he made off of 316 into the gas station parking lot. There were squealing tires. Brett is very wild.)

 

So, we drove to Athens, parked at OMG-IT-WAS-SO-FAR. And then we walked. A lot. Fitbit says I walked over nine miles, which explains why on Sunday I felt rather similarly to the way i felt after running a half-marathon. And I didn’t even drink any bourbon while running that one.

 

What a beautiful (Hot) day it was for a walk in Athens. Oh, the people-watching. There is just not much like an SEC football town on a Saturday. So, we walked all the way from the intramural fields to North Campus. We found Brett’s cousins’ tailgate. (what the heck did people do to find each other before cel phones? I have trouble remembering.) They were gracious and gentlemanly and had lovely girlfriends (ah, to be 20-something again), and had ice and beer and . .  no mixers for the bourbon. That’s okay, it seems I can be charming when i want to – i sweet-talked some poor Clemson boy for Coke. He didn’t know what hit him.

 

Then Jason and his friend Brian showed up, and wheee! Seriously nothing better than a sunny Saturday, drinking bourbon, and people-watching with two of your oldest, favoritest people, and about 80,000 strangers.

Brett, Me, and Jason. I love these two like the brothers I never had.

Brett, Me, and Jason. I love these two like the brothers I never had.

 

So, it came time to move on. Kickoff was at 5:30. Brett and I bade goodbye to our gracious hosts, hugged Jason, and set off to grab something to eat. I cannot begin to explain the crowds. We grabbed a hotdog from a corner vendor (flashbacks of my bachelorette party, anyone?), walked through the arches, and sat on the steps of one of the North Campus buildings and just watched people go by. There are old fans, and young fans, and couples, and the endless stream of ridiculous plays on the red and black dress. We finished up and headed towards the stadium. We took the scenic route and sat on the steps of Park Hall, just like the old days. I could have been sitting next to Kevin Fagan, doing the Red and Black crossword, smoking before class. Park has a great view, kind of up on a hill from the stadium, and the streams of people going by, and the sun hanging low in the west, and the sweet, sweet anticipation of kickoff never cease to wow me.

 

So, we headed towards the stadium in a bourbon haze, in a sea of red, and then we purchased the most trashy red and black t-shirts ever made. They are unable to be worn around children, or in polite company. (They cracked us up, and fueled by bourbon, it seemed like a good idea at the time. I am hoping that Brett will get a photo of Lucy wearing his, and send it to me. Brett and I both suspect we will get nothing but disapproving shakes of the head from our spouses, though.)

 

And then, a wave of people walking into the stadium, and to find our seats.

 

It's pretty fun to watch Gurley hurtling towards you.

It’s pretty fun to watch Gurley hurtling towards you.

 

Great seats! Okay, the good thing about the seats were the location, the view and the overhang, shielding you from the sun. The bad thing is that it was probably 95 in the shade, and then the heat was rising from below and it seemed to just sit up under the overhang. I was never so thankful for the free fan. Talk about a way to feel southern. Dress in the same colors as the other 80,000 people around you, drink bourbon on early 18th century steps, and then use a fan to cool yourself off.

 

Well, I declare, I thought Brett might have a heatstroke up in that stadium. He’s almost a Yankee now, living out there on the west coast. I guess he just wasn’t used to our heat. Bless his heart.

 

(That was my best Scarlett O’Hara. That’s all I got.)

 

So, then? The game. Brett and I spent the first half being uneasy and nervous. Dawgs just didn’t look too . . . inspired. Well, that all changed, and we got quite a show in the 2nd half. That’s all I’m gonna say about that, because I believe in jinxes, and I’ve had my heart smashed to pieces the last two seasons, and I’m not sure if I’m ready for any outward emotional investment yet.

 

So, we got out of the game and rode the shuttle back out to the car, and drove back to Atlanta. All in all, it was a good day to be a Dawg.

 

 

~~~~~

Sunday, i woke up early, feet blistered, and packed a bag for the Lake. And i got there about 11. And it was, you guessed it, so hot. But i read on the dock, and the kids swam, and I drank beer with my two best friends, and I caught a bass and ate a persimmon and some berries right off the tree and vine, and then we at a steak dinner. And I watched the second half of the replay of the game, and it was just as good, and I got maybe a little excited, but JINXES. And then my husband and I did one of our favorite things, which is to sit on the dock, and listen to music, and gaze at the stars. (And a few fireworks across the lake.) The stargazing was not its best last night, a cloud covered most of the lake, but the Big Dipper and the moon were hanging low and bright in the clear western sky. It was hot and I had not showered, so i went swimming, and night swimming in the still lake, gazing at the crescent moon, with the faint notes of music in my ear is pretty damn near heaven.

 

I slept late (9? Is that late? I guess i am old.) I ate cold pancakes and drank coffee on the screened porch. And then Tiller and I rode the jet-ski, and we went to Goat Island, and it amazes/saddens me that she is so big now that she doesn’t even hold on to me when we ride. We did not see the goats, but boy was the lake busy today. And then i got back to the dock and i took Rollie out. Or should i say, he took me out. Yes, my boy is old enough to drive the thing, and I am just along for the ride. That is both wonderful and scary at the same time. (Still not old enough to take it out on his own, of course.) And my favorite part about that is that we get to have some time together, just the two of us, and we have fun, stopping to swim, and exploring the lake, and stuff like that.

 

So, i had to come home. Which makes me sad. When i was little, i used to cry about leaving the lake. I love it so. I still get sad to come back home. And now, back to the real world. The work week. The grind. But I feel pretty certain there will be a little Tuesday daydreaming about day drinking in Athens, 100-yard punt returns, fishing, swimming, and the stars.

Recipe for a good weekend: Boiled peanuts, Baseball, Bourbon, Bulldogs, and Bass.

 

*Photos courtesy of Brett Shell. It’s really hard to hold a drink while shaking one of those pom-poms and taking photos at the same time.

An Update on Jane

Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

I thought i would post an update about my cousin Jane’s murder case. The man who killed her was sentenced today. I was going to just put the link on Facebook, but I know there are some folks who read my blog who aren’t on Facebook, and also, I just felt like i needed to write a little about it. I haven’t written about it all very much, but it is one of those things that stays with you, and reminds you that there is true evil in the world.

 

I know that will sound hokey, and i hope that if it does, you will never know what it feels like to have it touch your life, and that you can continue to think there is no such thing as evil. I hope you never experience the equivalent of being unable to put away leftovers in your own home without thinking of your cousin’s murder. I hope you never have to get a call and hear a loved one’s voice as they try to tell you what happened, or look in their eyes and see the complete shock and disbelief. I hope you never have to wait years to see one iota of justice, and i hope you never have to truly know what you really, deep down, when put in the situation, think of the Death Penalty. I hope you never have to sit in a courtroom with the person accused of killing your loved one, or know what it’s like to see him living and breathing while you look at coroner’s drawings of your loved one. I hope you never know this much about damn zip ties.

 

That stuff goes away most of the time, but then every once in a while it comes at you, and you still just can’t believe it is real and not some CSI Miami show.

 

It is truly magnificent, though, that when you see someone lost so suddenly and in such a tragic, violent way, that you are also reminded of how many lives they touched, how much of an impact each and every one of us can have on one another, and of how strong people can be in the face of unspeakable circumstances.

 

I will take away from this my wonderful memories of my cousin, of time spent in her warm, cozy home, of the wonderful weekend i spent with her when i was in college and visited for a weekend, of the time she and her brother, Finley, and Mom and I sat up until 3 in the morning and i wrote down every story they told, and of the times we spent with her when I was a child at my grandma’s apartment. I will never forget the last time I saw her, on Mother’s Day two years ago, when she gave my mom, Sister, and I the pleasure of her company for Mother’s Day Lunch. She was one of a kind. And as Rachel so eloquently says, she definitely “told it like it was.”

 

Some things run in families.

 

That is one other thing i will take away from this: I am so proud of my cousins for the way they have handled themselves throughout this all. I come from some strong people. Some damn strong people.

 

Chattanooga news story featuring my cousin Rachel, Jane’s granddaughter

The most recent post by my cousin on Justice for Jane.

 

Thanks to everyone who still continues to pray for my family and keep us in your thoughts, and who continue to ask for updates on the case, and who never met my cousins, but ask after them with true and genuine concern, and to all of the wonderful people whom I don’t even know, who take care of my cousins every day in their “real lives.” There is evil in the world, but there is also good. And i think the good always rises to meet the bad.

 

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L-R: Cousins Nancy, John, Jane, and Virginia (my mama)

 

Even 20 Years Later

Friday, June 28th, 2013

Yeah, long week. And yeah, that was me walking up the street in flip flops, my shorts, pj top, no bra, carrying a bottle of wine i mooched off my awesome neighbors because I went to the store to get wine, came home with US weekly, bad red box movies, and ice cream, but forgot the wine. Watched HORRIBLE movie with my sis, and I guess it was the borrowed wine, because it tugged at all sorts of sad, cliched heartstrings that I guess I could blog about but it would just be sad, and cliched, and also, I’m just not ready to talk about it, even 20 years later.

Dang. And I have to leave at 7:05 pm for kids’ county swim meet. That should be fun.

Wait. It’s 10:45 pm on a Friday. 20 years ago I would have gone OUT at 10:45 pm.

Oh, the irony.

Here. Have a Sevin with your beer.

Thursday, June 20th, 2013

This photo pretty much sums up my childhood. Dad keeps the Sevin dust (for his tomatoes) on top of the guest mini-fridge in the basement. “Here, have a beer and sprinkle this around.” Then you paint some stuff for him. “Oh, yeah, that’s oil-based. Let me pour some gasoline on ya. Here’s this dirty old rag. Rub the gas until your skin is burning and bleeding and then it’ll come off.” “Oh. I cut your finger with the saw? Okay, stop crying. Lets finish sawing this board and then we’ll go inside and out some methiolate on it.

Okay. That last one was Pop.

This is mostly for leelee’s benefit. Because sometimes it’s nice to be reminded that we came by the crazy honestly.

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Simplicity

Friday, April 12th, 2013

I fight to keep my kids away from the tv. Even when we are at the lake, with all of nature around us. So today, I finally said, turn off the tv. We’re going fishing. We did it old school. We walked around the whole cove. We stopped to poke sticks in ant hills. We saw a snake and just watched it. We talked about the birds we saw. We untangled fishing lines from trees. I stayed patient. The dog followed us and laid down and rubbed his face in things that smelled dead. We laughed at a startled turtle flopping off a log into the water. We talked about the old outhouse and what it was for. We peeked in a deserted house. I showed the kids how you could use a vine like a whip and how cool the sound is. We poke more sticks in anthills.

We didn’t catch a thing.

We walked back home. We sat on the dock. I made them bait their own hooks. They did it and didn’t cry, poke eyes out, or let the dog eat a hook. I drank a Moscow mule as the sun set. We laughed.

We came in, took a shower and heated up leftovers. We ate them on the screen porch, by candlelight. We talked.

After dinner, we went down to the dock. We had left the lights on for night fishing. We caught three fish. (Not exactly a mess o’crappie, but enough to keep’em interested.) tiller brought her blankie. We watched the poles, and we looked at the stars. We talked about Jupiter, and life on other planets. We talked about the moon.

The kids got cold. Rollie grabbed my hand to hold as we walked back up to the house. He’s 9. Almost ten. He might not reach for my hand next April.

We had a really perfect day. The kind that I think I’ll recall 20 years from now.

Or maybe just on a Thursday afternoon next week when I’m sitting in a cubicle, wishing life were more simple than it is.

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Still Mouse

Friday, February 1st, 2013

When I was a little girl, my nickname was “Annie Mouse.” (Lisa was “Sport Model.”) I wanted to be Annie Horse, because I loved horses so much. I’m not sure where the Mouse came from – maybe mom or dad will chime in with an answer to that. My Grandma Smith called me Annie Boo. And even when Grandma was in her eighties, she called my Mom “Baby.” And now I’m a parent and i understand why grandma called her 40 something daughter “baby” until the day she died.

Not sure where I’m going with this one, except that I know I’m still their baby, and now I understand why.

So, it was really cute when I got this card from mom and dad for my 41st birthday. I think it would be kind of hard to find a birthday card for a grown child that doesn’t sound hokey. Mom was super excited – she said she was so excited to find it because it is perfect for me. And I have to admit; it really is. Pretty much sums it up. Mom knocked it out of the park. (Cash is still good too, though, Ma.)
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Sorry about all the times I worried you sick; I know payback will be hell. And it’s still not that easy to get me to wear a dress, but good job – I survived! Thank you for reminding me that you always loved me, despite the tomboy ways, the explosiveness, the skinned knees when I did wear a dress (and this was well into my 30s!), the times I just had to see for myself; Y’all were more often right than not, but thank you for not resenting that I didn’t believe you until I tried it anyway.

I know it’s just a card, but it’s nice to know I’m loved for who I am. I’m gonna try my damnedest to do the same for my own Boos.

All in All Okay

Tuesday, September 11th, 2012

Day 2 of Todd Johnson’s two week absence:

# of hours slept last night: maybe 6?
#book reports completed: 0
# cat poops cleaned off carpet: 2
# cats still living: 2
# pissed off neighbors: 1
# of favors owed Lauren Sullivan Shankman and Scott Shankman: 4
# times i cried about 9/11: 3
# of nights i’ve gone without doing dishes: 2
# miles run: 0
# old friends I got to hug: 1
# episodes of Buffy watched: 2
# points over for day in Weight Watchers: Five million
# vodka tonics: 1 (large)
# children still living: 2

But it’s okay. We have our health. . .

Even Echoes are Good

Wednesday, September 5th, 2012

Wow. I am really flattered by the number of people who liked and shared my last post. (Most especially the strangers, because they didn’t have to share out of pity, friendship, love, or familial obligation.) I almost didn’t click “Publish” on that post; i felt it was rambling, inflammatory, too revealing of my political leanings. It is nice to know that others feel similarly about politics these days; I sometimes feel that I am on an island, politically. I do wish more people I know who are firmly on the right or the left read it and shared it. It seems that the people it most struck a chord with are the ones that mirror me politically, and are stuck in the middle, wondering why things can’t be different. I wonder if it just didn’t ring true to the others. I also think that perhaps those who did share it did it less because they support civility and more because they relate to what it feels like to be a political paradox.

A few other things to mention, that have come to my attentions since I published it yesterday:

My Mom was not offended by the “asshole” comment. She’s pretty thick-skinned, I guess. She spends enough time around my Dad and I that I guess she needs to be. It really wasn’t about my mom, or the friend who made the comment, in the first place, but more about the unintended consequences of being rude on Facebook for God and everyone and their Mama to see.

A commenter pointed out that there is a children’s book, The Crayon Box That Talked, which promotes diversity using the Crayola analogy. I had never read it, but thought i would mention it. There are no new ideas, I guess.

Again, thanks to those who shared on Facebook and who weighed in there, and to those new folks who left me comments. I used to blog every day, and I fell off the wagon through a combination of fear of speaking out about things, a busy life, and wrestling with some things in life that, if written about on my blog, might cause pain to those I love. Hell, writing about them might cause pain to me! So, I fell out of the habit, and lost my mojo, or at least my fearlessness. I think I might be getting it back a little. It is true that time helps heal things. But the response to this post has helped with my confidence, too – It is hard to pen these posts and then send them off into the ether, with no response, not even an echo. So, a big thank you to those who responded to this one. It did not go unnoticed, and is much appreciated.

The Boy Who Smashed My Snow Globe

Monday, August 27th, 2012

At about 5:20, nine years ago today, this little guy came into my life. He totally picked it up like it was a snow globe, turned it around, shook it up. Really, i think the globe just busted wide open, and shattered into a million pieces, catching the summer afternoon light as they skittered across the floor.

He really did absolutely change everything: Who I thought I was, who I am now, who I wanted to be, how I saw everything. Absolutely, irrevocably altered forever. It was the most awesome (in the true sense of the word) thing that has happened to me before or since. That is not to minimize the impact my daughter has had on me, or to say that she is any less important to me. But when she came into my life, I was already far different than the person I had been three years before her birth.

Rollie has become such a boy. No longer a baby. He swims, and dives and spends the night out and runs and goes to the bathroom by himself and buys things at the cashier without me. He likes a girl. He won’t tell me who. He is sweet and sullen. He has stickers and a keep out sign on his bedroom door and he likes The Beatles and Beyblades. He is mean to his little sister in the most malicious and puckish ways – It makes my sister and i laugh to see him torture Tiller as I tortured Lisa. And yet, he will still burst into tears and fly off the handle like a toddler. He will still sometimes hold my hand, or ask to sleep with us, or climb up on the couch next to me and put his sweet head on my chest. I understand now why I will always be my Mama’s baby, why her Mama called her “Baby” until the day she died. My boy has shot up in size, and looking at the pictures of him, I just don’t understand how nine years went by so fast. NINE.

The rest? Unless you are a grandma or aunt, you probably won’t care. It will just be some kid, pretty decent-looking kid, but somebody else’s boy. To me? He is The Boy Who Smashed My Snow Globe.

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Todd and Rollie at Johnson's

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Rollie Reading

Rollie Loves Trucks II

Built To last

Us at the Park

Alvin, Simon, Theodore, Rollie

Rollie with Mailboxes

Cool Dude

The Wedding Suit

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Rollie at Waverly 280 Boogie

Boy Loves Tractor

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Rowdy Rollie Rodeo

Happy Rollie

Fun with Trucker Hat III

Rollie From Above

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Rollie Cut His Own Hair II

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Would It Kill You to Smile?

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Snow Day Parkas

Lego Nerd

Rollie

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First 5k

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JP and Kids

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Me and Rollie

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Cousins!

First day of school, 2012. 3rd & 1st. Sniff.