I am avoiding Dogwood Girl. I have lots of little things that i could write about: Things the kids are doing, my weight, workouts, the garden. But I need to write about Pop, and I’ve been putting it off. I know that the reason I am not sleeping at night is that I need to get it out of my head and onto paper (screen).
But it won’t be this morning. Too many things will get in the way, draw me away, and I will let them.
Archive for July, 2009
Avoidance
Monday, July 20th, 2009Doing the Tourist Thing
Monday, July 13th, 2009I used to think the touristy thing was stupid. Now I just realize that it is often what is easiest and most entertaining to do with children. You end up feeling like a dork, but they love it.
Off to the beach!
A Tale of Two Sweets
Sunday, July 12th, 2009We took the kids for ice cream this afternoon. Oddly, Rollie wanted a Sprite instead. Todd and I decided we’d all share a bigass rice krispie treat, too.
Tiller went for the ice cream (birthday cake) and a handful of rice krispie treat, too. Sometimes it was hard for her to decide which to bite from. . . .
I am feeling ungrateful and babyish today. I love my kids. They are fun. But I miss the trips with leisurely walks, and less argument, less potty emergencies. I miss strolling around, stopping for a coffee or a beer. I miss perusing bookstores for an hour at a time, and window shopping, and not having to have a destination or a time schedule.
I know I will have it again someday. I just mourn it sometimes. And it is hard to stay dissatisfied when they look this happy.
Balm
Sunday, July 12th, 2009Maybe there is a greater power at work. Kids are a balm for grief. No one with young kids has time to sit around and ponder what it was like to hold a loved one’s hand as he took his last shallow breath, exhaled, and departed this world. Sure, it comes to you in flashes, but you don’t have time to really process it.
I know I will, though. It will catch up with me, and I will wrestle with it.
Pop
Saturday, July 11th, 2009
Pop had photos of him and Grandma made and then, if you look closely, you can see where he signed his “Love, Walter.”
If It Wouldn’t Make Such a Mess, I Would Mark My Territory All Over The House
Friday, July 10th, 2009Home, sweet home. How i love you. I feel like I’ve been all over Ga this week. Atlanta to Perry on Sunday. Spent night at hospital in Perry, then Monday night with Mom and Dad in Warner Robins. Got up on Tuesday to come to Atlanta, pack for funeral and pick up kids. Drove back to Warner Robins on Tuesday afternoon. Went to Warner Robins service on Wednesday morning, then drove to Savannah that afternoon. Went to burial in Savannah yesterday, then drove back to Warner Robins and spent the night, then packed up again to come back to Atlanta today.
We leave for the beach on Sunday or Monday and I barely even want to go, I am so tired of the car.
I love you, couch. I love you DVR. I love you, washing machine. I missed you, Dog and Cats. Ah, home.
[Rolling around rubbing my face on the couch and my very own bed, smelling everything like Sam on True Blood.]
Small as a wish in a well
Tuesday, July 7th, 2009Walter Woodrow Palmer
Born January 5th, 1916
Died July 6, 2009
Rest in peace, Pops. I love you.
This song is sticking with me this morning.
Iron & Wine
Sodom, South Georgia
Closer
Sunday, July 5th, 2009Pop’s not doing so well. Got the call that his vitals were all going downhill pretty quickly. Lisa and I both felt like we wanted to be here for mom and Dad, and for Pop. We took separate cars, to accommodate our adult schedules.
Driving down this afternoon was strange. I cried in my car on the highway, driving 80 mph listening to Guns N’ Roses version of “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door,” and coming up on a wall of thunderstorm seen from a distance. I could see curtains of rain coming down from the sky, with light shining through too, in that weird way that happens with storms, all green and grey and silver and purple. Some moments the heavens just seem closer.
Cookout!
Saturday, July 4th, 2009Cookout. Julie Merry in town. Haven’t seen her in ages. Much fun had by all. Adults got sloshy. Kids stayed up til after ten.
p.s. Happy fourth of july. I love that all the people I love are free to be the wonderful people they are.
The Lake
Friday, July 3rd, 2009Todd and I had the opportunity to spend three days at the lake a couple weeks ago, sans kids. Thanks to the bravery and generosity of my in-laws, who took the kids for a week. Sure, they sent them to Vacation Bible School, and Todd and I are “jury is still out” on the whole organized religion question, but let’s be honest: They could take them to Vacation Satanic Verses School, or Vacation Pimps and Hos School, and I would be okay with it, as long as I got my little kid-free vacation.
I was so relaxed, that I didn’t even take any pictures, other than these shots I took when a storm rolled in from across the lake. Love to watch storms from the screened porch.
