So, if you don’t read the Chunklet blog, you should. Love the little gems that Henry and friends come across. Two recent posts caught my eye, and brought me back. Yeah!
A little something for the Athens/REM collecting nerds (Jason B.): Limbo District
And for my boys in Chapel Hill this week: Henry on Merge’s 20th.
Enjoy!
(Thanks, Chunklet, for doing what you do.)
Feeling kind of ill after stomach dropped out upon hearing shrieks, screaming, and crying from Rollie in the backyard. He got stung by a yellow jacket. First bee sting in six years. Hasn’t swollen up yet, thank god. Always worry about that, since my Grandma was deathly allergic. Amazing that I knew IMMEDIATELY that it was not a normal Tiller-pissed-me-off scream.
So, in the course of any given day, I have about five to ten main things I want to get done. I am terrible at completing tasks. TERRIBLE. I get very overwhelmed by a pile of tasks at hand, and if I don’t just concentrate on only my top priority, I will make myself crazy. Things that I stress about include:
Making doctor’s appointments for me, the kids.
I need to start taking a multivitamin.
I did not write a word today.
I have not been keeping up with my blog.
I feel like posting about anything on my blog other than the things I am REALLY preoccupied with is “false.”
I have not worked out today.
I have not called the doctor about my ankle, and if my ankle is going to get better, I need to do that.
If my ankle isn’t better, how will I run?
I am fat.
I need to eat better.
I need a new composting solution.
I need to check work email.
I need to do work.
Facebook is the devil.
I need to stop drinking so much during the week.
I need to clean litter box.
I need to trim shrubbery.
I need to work more in yard.
We never finished renovations on house.
There is cat puke on the bedspread and i haven’t cleaned it up yet.
I need to help my mom and dad.
I need to help my sister.
I haven’t worked on my family history files in ages. What if I die? They will never get done.
What if I die?
Do i have anxiety?
I have anxiety.
I have never had anxiety before.
I need to get the oil changed.
I wish I was more like Todd when it comes to laundry.
I hate laundry.
I hate putting away laundry.
I hate feeling guilty about doing laundry.
Do you think today is the day todd will divorce me over the laundry?
I need more large pots for my patio.
I should go to yard sales to find them for cheap.
Don’t forget to pick up a cushion for the lounge chair at the lake.
On clearance.
The kids need to turn off the tv and get more exercise.
I haven’t finished the dates for the damn school newsletter schedule yet, or i’d take them to the pool. No, I wouldn’t because I need to start dinner.
I am going to let down 500 elementary school kids who won’t have a newsletter.
I am going to let down my family
I am going to let down myself.
You get the idea. So, any time that I can take one thing off my plate, i am for it.
Which is why I have decided that I am going to stop dyeing my hair.
I have been going gray since college. I guess it is God’s way of punishing me for all the dyeing and crazy hair colors of my youth that now i am doomed to the albatross of dyeing my hair twice a month. As it is, I dye it at home. When I say, “I,” I mean Todd. Yes, Todd dons the plastic gloves, which are way too small for his manly hands, and he dyes my hair like a pro. Sort of. Having the salon dye my hair is not an option: It is too expensive and time-consuming to have it done, and at the rate that my hair grows out, and with the amount of gray that I have, it needs to be done about every two weeks.
Whatever. I am over it. I am chucking the outdated, Loving Care Loreal ideal of beauty in a box. I am embracing my gray. Now, you probably have some questions about this process. Hopefully, the following will help answer those:
Okay! Who’s with me? Hello? Hellooo! Whatever. Screw you fancy dye-job, black-rooted, broke-ass, slave-to-fashion bitches!
I already feel better about having one less damn thing to worry about. FTW!
I am avoiding Dogwood Girl. I have lots of little things that i could write about: Things the kids are doing, my weight, workouts, the garden. But I need to write about Pop, and I’ve been putting it off. I know that the reason I am not sleeping at night is that I need to get it out of my head and onto paper (screen).
But it won’t be this morning. Too many things will get in the way, draw me away, and I will let them.
I used to think the touristy thing was stupid. Now I just realize that it is often what is easiest and most entertaining to do with children. You end up feeling like a dork, but they love it.
Off to the beach!
We took the kids for ice cream this afternoon. Oddly, Rollie wanted a Sprite instead. Todd and I decided we’d all share a bigass rice krispie treat, too.
Tiller went for the ice cream (birthday cake) and a handful of rice krispie treat, too. Sometimes it was hard for her to decide which to bite from. . . .
I am feeling ungrateful and babyish today. I love my kids. They are fun. But I miss the trips with leisurely walks, and less argument, less potty emergencies. I miss strolling around, stopping for a coffee or a beer. I miss perusing bookstores for an hour at a time, and window shopping, and not having to have a destination or a time schedule.
I know I will have it again someday. I just mourn it sometimes. And it is hard to stay dissatisfied when they look this happy.
Maybe there is a greater power at work. Kids are a balm for grief. No one with young kids has time to sit around and ponder what it was like to hold a loved one’s hand as he took his last shallow breath, exhaled, and departed this world. Sure, it comes to you in flashes, but you don’t have time to really process it.
I know I will, though. It will catch up with me, and I will wrestle with it.
Pop had photos of him and Grandma made and then, if you look closely, you can see where he signed his “Love, Walter.”
Home, sweet home. How i love you. I feel like I’ve been all over Ga this week. Atlanta to Perry on Sunday. Spent night at hospital in Perry, then Monday night with Mom and Dad in Warner Robins. Got up on Tuesday to come to Atlanta, pack for funeral and pick up kids. Drove back to Warner Robins on Tuesday afternoon. Went to Warner Robins service on Wednesday morning, then drove to Savannah that afternoon. Went to burial in Savannah yesterday, then drove back to Warner Robins and spent the night, then packed up again to come back to Atlanta today.
We leave for the beach on Sunday or Monday and I barely even want to go, I am so tired of the car.
I love you, couch. I love you DVR. I love you, washing machine. I missed you, Dog and Cats. Ah, home.
[Rolling around rubbing my face on the couch and my very own bed, smelling everything like Sam on True Blood.]
Walter Woodrow Palmer
Born January 5th, 1916
Died July 6, 2009
Rest in peace, Pops. I love you.
This song is sticking with me this morning.
Iron & Wine
Sodom, South Georgia