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Archive for August, 2009

Don’t Mess With My Tutu

Friday, August 21st, 2009

Things here in Dogwood Girl world have been a little wild lately. This whole year has been a roller coaster, but the commencement of school has really amped up our schedules. Oddly, though, in the midst of all of the rushing around to practices and stores to find shoes and helmets and gloves and bats and tutus, there have been these wonderful moments where I am struck by deja vu. I have been here before. I have felt this joy. Parenting is funny like that: You reach a milestone in your child’s life, and it brings you back instantly to that time in your own childhood.

Tiller started ballet last Thursday. She takes it at the rec center here in town. The minute I walked in there, I was rushed back to the old rec center at Wills Park in Alpharetta, the one next to the awesome wooden playground thingie – the ultradangerous one, with a bridge that went over a creek and lots of holes high up on the structure for little kids to fall out of. We never did. We also never injured ourselves on that fast merry-go-round; we just went faster and faster, squealing our guts out. Pretty sure those are gone now, replaced by some safer, more plastic, less wood and metal playground, with sustainable mulch or some such crap underneath it. I used to take baton twirling there at the rec center. I think it was maybe only one room, with some public restrooms. As soon as I walked in the dance room, i was brought back. Tutus and tights and little black patent leather tap shoes with ribbon laces. Pale pink ballet slippers.

I had been told that Tiller should ‘wear something comfortable” that first day. She had on shorts and a t-shirt. All of the other little girls wore tutus and had their hair in ponytails or buns. Most of them had their own shoes.

Ballerina Parent Fail.

Tiller didn’t even notice, though. She doesn’t realize yet that her mother is a Bull in a China Shop who never took more than one year of Dance. I was hideous. To this day, my photos from that one year of ballet and tap, taken in a studio that I believe was in the upstairs over the Indian Trading Post toy store in downtown Alpharetta, right across from Milton High school, are still the most-commented-on of all of my childhood pictures. (They do not, however, compare to the still-much-discussed naked run around the parking lot photo from a college game of truth or dare gone awry.) People think they are hysterical. So, before someone leaks them, I will share them here on Dogwood Girl, for all the world to see.

This is me on the left end of this group. I want to say the girl next to me is Heather Flack. Not sure who the other sad girls are. . . . It appears that the red monstrosities are what you wear for tap. I can still feel the material these little numbers were made of . . . .

1978_recital_anne

Okay, this next one is me in. . . I don’t know what this getup is. I think this was the ballet number. Because nothing says graceful ballet like a CountryBumpkinVaudevilleShowgirl costume. Who comes up with these? Nice lipstick, huh?

1978_dancerecital_anne

This is the one that people really dig. . . Look at that poof in my hair. Yes, that is mom’s attempt at giving me a Dorothy Hamill, but I have curly hair, and it never did work. See that polka dot trim? It itched like a motherfucker. Red lipstick on a five-year-old is classy.

1978ca_me 001

Now, this post is about how parenting reminds one of their own childhood. And one time that I was really struck by this was when I took the kids to Tucker Day last year. Tucker Day is for all the world just like I remember the Alpharetta Parade being. Tractors, and farmers, and bands, and groups like baseball teams and dancers. Yes, I believe that my dance troupe was in the parade, and I seem to remember wearing the above red and polka dot-trimmed outfit, while this next picture was being taken of my sister and my cousins, who lived right across the street from me back then. (Yes, I told you I was Southern. Southerners live across the street from their cousins, people!) Mom evidently parked the red Caprice Classic station wagon, with wood on the side, in the filling station parking lot near the Food Lion. (Food Giant? I get those confused.) The one on Hwy 9. She propped Graham, Adam, and Lisa up on the hood, and gave them a couple of bottles of Coke. Please note Lisa’s lionhead. (See also: The Lionhead Files.)

1978_AlpharettaParade_GrahamLisaAdam

This next one is prompted by Rollie playing t-ball. This is my softball team. Before that, I played t-ball with a bunch of boys, and one other girl, Ashley Marvin. Now, I don’t remember exactly why i played t’ball with a bunch of boys. But this next picture is from a softball team I played on. We had an after season party at Ashley’s house. Ashley had an awesome old renovated house near Crabapple, and a pool. Also, please note our totally trippy 70’s-style Fulton Co. Parks and Rec shirts.

1978_Softballawardsparty_ashleymarvinshouse

This final one is just one of my fave pics ever. It is of the spectators at one of my b-ball games. I guess it was when I played on the boys’ team, because my cousin’s mom is there. I LOVE this picture. The folks are sitting on the bleachers at Wills Park. I guess it is cold. Maybe my dad took the picture? My mom is standing to the left, in the plaid pants, smoking a cigarette. The blonde next to her is my cousin’s mom, Connie. That is Adam in her lap – I love that he is twirling his hair, like he always did at that age!.  To my Mom’s left is my sister, Lisa, sitting next to my Uncle Harry, a.,k. a Gran, my grandma Smith’s brother. His wife, Virginia, or Bubba as we called her, is sitting the next row back. You can almost make out her reddish hair. Would love to know who some of the other folks are.

peewees

Now we have the metal bleachers, but there is still that same feel at practices. I am looking forward to enjoying some of those after-game ice creams, and to watching my Tiller keep herself occupied around the field while Rollie plays this season.

Forget About Me, God

Wednesday, August 19th, 2009

I woke Rollie up this morning. (After Todd woke me up; I almost never hear the alarm. He usually has to nudge me awake.) Rollie is having trouble waking up in the mornings, after a summer of sleeping later and waking with the sun. It is still dark at 6:45 and he usually mumbles something like, “I want to stay under the covers,” and I kiss him on the forehead and whisper, “I do too.”

I made sure he was awake and then went down to start coffee, make oatmeal, and fix his lunch. He came down, sleepy-eyed, and hair sticking up in a thousand different directions. (I call him, “Little Cecil,” because his hair is just like my dad’s – thick, slightly curly, and sticks up when he’s been sleeping on it.) I told him to put on his shoes, and then he came into the kitchen and said, “Mom, I am going to tell you a joke.” I turned around from my coffee, ready for the laughs.

Now, any parent of a preschooler or young elementary-age kid will understand that this means you will probably get a Knock Knock joke that makes absolutely zero sense. For instance, Todd told Rollie and Tiller the old Knock Knock joke that ends in “Orange you glad . . . .” They have improvised on this theme and will say, “Aren’t you glad I didn’t say Banana?” Or “Knock Knock. Who’s there? Table!” And then they explode into laughter, thinking they made a joke. You laugh, too, because otherwise you would be crying.

It is possibly one of the most torturous parts of parenting, being stuck at a dinner table with young Knock Knock joke comedians.

So, I really wasn’t expecting this joke to be unusual, and definitely wasn’t expecting it to be funny. I really wasn’t expecting this:

Me: “Okay, let’s hear it.”

Rollie: “Forget about me, God!” [He twists his face into a goofy expression, one that indicates that he is trying to be funny.]

I stare at him.

Me: “Rollie, that’s not funny.”

Rollie: “Well, I think it’s funny!” [Runs off into the den, balls up on the couch and wails and cries.]

I stand there thinking, “Well, shit.” I guess he expected me to laugh. We always laugh.

Now, I am not the most religious person in the world. I would say I am not religious at all. But I do think about God, I think there might be a God, but I am not sure.  Because sometimes I also think that we are all just millions of ants in a huge anthill, waiting to get stomped on, or have a huge Dixie Cup of Kool Aid dumped over our hill, washing us all away in a red typhoon. But I was raised to believe in God, and so i have a great respect for that belief (which I think is sorely missing in our society today) and I would be mortified if my child ever said that to a believer.

I took a deep breath. Looked longingly at the coffee just starting to trickle it’s way into the pot. Thought, once again, that some mornings there just isn’t enough coffee in the world. Went in and sat on the couch next to Rollie.

I asked if he knew why his joke wasn’t funny. He protested that his joke was funny. I finally had to tell him that he would lose privileges if he kept using the joke, because the joke might be offensive to other people. I then had to try to explain the word, “offensive,” which just came off as “might hurt someone’s feelings.” I explained that it would hurt his Grandparents’ feelings to hear that joke. That one of his friends might really have their feelings hurt if he said it to them. He said, “okay,” all the while still claiming that it was funny. (No idea where he gets this stubborn streak from.)

I asked where he heard this joke.

He replied that he made it up.

I am going to need a whole bunch more coffee to ponder how on earth my son came up with this in the first place, and what it might mean to him. Should I be glad that he has a concept of a higher being, and that somehow he is thinking about his place in the world? Is he thinking about his place in the world? Maybe he just liked the way it sounded.

It was only 7:15 a.m. when I finished this conversation with him. Have you ever seen me in the morning before coffee?

Parenting is fucking hard.

What’s Up with Me

Tuesday, August 18th, 2009

Not sure how I always end up so overwhelmed in the Fall. For one thing, school starts at the beginning of August, which, in my head, is still summer. So it catches me off guard.

  • Rollie is in school, and he has his first cold of the school year. It is the second week of school. I also have his first cold of the school year.
  • Tiller doesn’t start for another couple weeks. (I think. Guess I should check on that.)
  • I am volunteering at Rollie’s school, writing the monthly newsletter for the entire school (with a co-chair, thank god.) I also help with Literary Guild once a week.
  • The kids are gearing up for Fall extracurriculars – Both kids did well in soccer last year, so they are both playing again this fall. That means a weekly practice for Rollie, Rollie’s game on Saturdays, and Tiller’s on Sundays. (Tiller’s consists of running around, dancing on the field, drawing in the dirt, and lots and lots of crying.)
  • I am trying to up my mileage a bit to train for the Half at Thanksgiving. So far, ankle is holding up well, and it is just me being out of shape from over a month off my feet after the ankle sprain. I am also doing weight watcher’s at the same time, which makes for a ravenous Annie. Oh, and I am still growing out the dyed hair, hoping to go gray. It is getting more and more noticeable. I know. I still need to post some pics. Will do that one of these days.
  • Tiller started ballet and tap last week. Anyone who knows Tiller can probably imagine how humorous this event is. So, we are running around looking for tap shoes and leotards and ballet slippers. I am mostly wondering how I got myself into the whole mess in the first place.
  • And Rollie is playing baseball (well, t-ball) for the first time. It scares me to death, watching him walk around with a baseball bat. So many heads to crack, so little time. Should be interesting to watch, though. He seems to like to play and is very coordinated.
  • Todd is working his rear off, which is good in this economy, but makes for a stressed-out Todd and a single Mama Anne. I honestly don’t know how you single moms do it. Hats off to you. Todd will get the weekend off and then starts yet another job next week.
  • I am still crafting a complaint to file with Dekalb County schools concerning their botched Magnet lottery system, and especially, the beeyotches that run the program.
  • The car needs to be serviced, the basement is gearing up for renovations, which we are doing ourselves. I am taking a floor-laying class this Saturday. And in the midst of it all, my parents are cleaning out Pop’s house, having a garage sale this weekend, and trying to find a house in Atlanta.
  • Busy Fall.

    Saturday Morning Cartoons

    Saturday, August 15th, 2009

    Some things don’t change. I like that.

    Red Alert: Dogwood Girl is Beyond Angry

    Wednesday, August 12th, 2009

    So, I have some questions about the magnet program at my kid’s school. I cannot get the Dekalb County director of the program to reply to my emails or phone calls. I cannot get her assistant to reply. I have left multiple messages on the numbers that I can find listed for those folks and the department. I have called the main office to be connected to that department, and the Office of Student Assignments. Evidently, Dekalb County schools are being run by computers. Computers that spit out incorrect schedules for thousands of Dekalb County students.

    Luckily, they have humans to make sure that your kids are not wearing flip flops, have a hole in their jeans, or God forbid, have stitching on the pockets of their pants. Because that, that would have to be dealt with by putting the perp into ISS for hours on their first day of sixth grade. Because every young girl, on her first day of middle school, needs to be held up and ridiculed for her clothing.

    I am so thankful (and this is NOT sarcasm, promise) that the wonderful folks at my kid’s elementary school are so helpful and really wanted to help me work this problem out. However, they basically told me there was nothing they could do, because THEY can’t get these folks to reply to them either.

    So, I am kind of feeling sorry for Dekalb County now, because they are going to be really sick of me. If I have to go down to that office in person and get Pat Copeland to respond to my questions, I will do so.

    I just love meeting new people. I think she is really going to dig me.

    Wanna get scared about Dekalb County schools? Read this watchdog blog.

    Or AJC’s Get Schooled.

    Or this Teacher’s advocate blog.

    Bee Sting Trumps Pledge of Allegiance

    Tuesday, August 11th, 2009

    Rollie started Kindergarten yesterday. I took him to school, deciding to forego the bus on the first day, so as to avoid any mishaps. Ha! Joke was on me. I parked on a side road near the school. (First day of school is complete and total mayhem!) We walked through the wooded path on the backside of the school, and just as we were coming out of the trees, it happened.

    Beesting.

    Rollie got stung by a mother-frackin’ bee two minutes before school started on the first day of Kindergarten. So, there i was, wiping his tears, and carrying all his stuff (backpack, lunchbox, plastic Kroger bag of school supplies), and trying to find out where the nurse’s office is, then finding out that the nurse was on vacation. I finally gave up and went to the cafeteria and got him a plastic glove of ice from the lunch ladies. So, yes, while everyone else was quiet, hand over heart, saying the Pledge, and having a moment of silence, that was me leading the sniffling bee sting victim through the halls and into the cafeteria. Bee sting trumps Pledge of Allegiance, people.

    We were late to the classroom of course, but I got him settled in, made sure that the teacher knew he had been stung, and dodged insinuations that I should be room mother again. I kissed him goodbye and headed out for my coffee in front of the school.

    Turns out he did fine all day and had a good time. Me? I think I might make it, too.

    Think Happy Place. Be in the Happy Place.

    Monday, August 10th, 2009

    I have periods where I don’t feel like i have anything to write about, and then periods where i have tons of things to write about, and no time to write about them in.

    This is one of those second times. School. Newsletter. Work. Renovations. Soccer. T-ball. T-ball tryouts (he’s five! WTF!), doctor’s appointments.

    sigh. Need more lake. My happy place right now is on the inner tube, beer in hand, music playing, 2 a.m., under low-hanging, daylight-bright, almost-full moon.

    R.I.P. John Hughes

    Friday, August 7th, 2009

    Not much to say that hasn’t already been said all over the internet. But this guy really got what it was like to be a teenager, and he made all the horrible stuff that goes along with the teen years seem interesting, and funny, and like it was normal. He got us.

    If you haven’t read it, this is pretty sweet, a blog post about a girl who exchanged letters with John Hughes for a couple of years.

    I’m off to the lake for the weekend, but I could see myself watching a John Hughes film or two this weekend.

    For Anyone Who Birthed Dash

    Thursday, August 6th, 2009

    So, today, Dogwood Girl is going to be all about Dash. Dash is my nephew. He is really cute.

    I put together a gallery of shots from this morning. He has a monkey on his pjs, holding a banana. You cannot resist the cuteness. I got up with him at 6:45, but as you can see, I am not his favorite. He and Todd have a little love affair going. I do not like it when i am holding him and todd walks in the room and Dash’s face lights up and he puts his arms out to Todd. Yes, I am that petty.

    And yes, I realize that this is baby picture overkill. If you did not squeeze this baby out of your own vagina, you don’t have to look at every one of them.


    I am Busy, I am Bad

    Wednesday, August 5th, 2009

    So, this week has been crazy. I started back on Weight Watchers. I started training for the Thanksgiving Half-Marathon. Todd and I are trying to plan our basement renovations. I am writing the first monthly newsletter for my kids’ school. It has to go to the printer the same day that school starts. I am babysitting my nephew tonight and tomorrow.

    Got off to a terrible start this morning when I showed up at the open house registration with the wrong paperwork. The list of required documentation said “Proof of Residency, such as a utility bill, deed, et.” I brought my Comcast bill. They said they needed a utility bill and that phone didn’t count. Since when is phone not considered a utility bill!? Luckily, Todd had one in his car and ran out and got it, but I am pretty sure that I will be known in the future as “that bitchy Mom that got all huffy over the Comcast bill.” Oh, well. I have been called worse. And would it have killed the folks at the school to apologize to me for the confusion? Am i off base here?

    We proceeded to get Rollie squared away, and found his new Kindergarten classroom. His teacher seems nice, but I would be lying if I didn’t wish that her grammar was a little better. (Not sure if that makes me a snob or what. Is it too much to ask that my child’s teacher be well-spoken?) I do believe that what kids learn at home trumps what they learn in the classroom, though, and so I am sure he will be fine. And I do like that she seems kind of old school otherwise.

    Anyway, it’s Wednesday, and Rollie starts back to school on Monday. It will be nice to get back on schedule. Even if it means that I am old enough to have a Kindergartner! And oh, my GOD. He is going to ride the bus. I am scared. Very scared. And busy, and I guess kind of bad for being so judgmental about my kid’s teacher.

    Wait til you hear about me buying his baseball equipment. Now that is a funny story.