Posts Tagged ‘Sisters’

A Tale of Two Sisters in Overalls, Part III

Tuesday, August 10th, 2010

Continued from A Tale of Two Sisters in Overalls, Part II. . .

Busted Flat in Nashville
I got a flat north of Nashville. So, when my tire blew out, and my sister was right in front of me, she didn’t happen to see me swerve across three lanes of traffic and into the emergency lane. She just looked in the rear view mirror and I was nowhere to be found, and thought, “uh-oh.” And then got off at the next exit, turned back around and went north on 75, and drove until she saw me broken down on the southbound side, then found the next exit, and got back on 75 South, and drove until she found me. Because we didn’t have cel phones. i swear to God, it was like living in the dark ages; we are lucky to have survived.

I was just sitting on the back bumper of the truck, because I’d already inspected the blowout. When you are driving from Colorado, getting a flat in Nashville is like getting a flat in your neighborhood. You are so close, and yet so far. You are so tired. You so don’t want to fucking change a tire. Which is good, because it turns out, even if you did, there are no spare tires on Ryder trucks. You have to call Ryder.

So, i sat there, and waited for Lisa to find me, and then told her what was up, and then sent her to the next exit to get drinks and call for help. I sat there a really long time. It was August 2, sitting on the side of 75 southbound, just north of Nashville. It was, to put it lightly, hot as fucking Hades.

Lisa came back. She said it would probably be a couple of hours. Have you ever sat on the side of 75 South in the midday sun for a couple of hours? It is horrific. We plowed through our snacks. The seats of the truck were like molten lava. Lisa was grumpy and sitting in the only shady spot in the truck. She is not a lover of the heat.
Lisa Heatstroke, Outside Nashville

Me? I was trying to keep it fun. I had on red overalls. Nothing says fun like red overalls. I got a piece of dried grass and made Hee Haw jokes and tried to make Leelee laugh.
HeeHaw Annie in Nashville!

It didn’t work.

If Looks Could Kill, With Maybe a Touch of Laughter

The sun was high up in the sky. There were almost no shadows. We sat on the back bumper of the truck, because it was the only way we could get some shade. I sat closest to the road, and Lisa sat right next to the edge closest to the grass on the side of the road. We didn’t talk. We watched cars fly by. Each one gave us a hot breeze, and the ones closest to us rocked the van. Some of them honked. Lisa and I sat in a daze, until a red jeep with three boys was coming towards us. There was something shouted, and then I heard and felt a loud, “thunk!” when something hit the van. Lisa immediately let out an “uuugggghhh!”

I looked over at her, and she had something yellow on her face and in her hair. She burst into tears. And, God help me. I’m not proud of it.

I laughed.

Those Nashville fuckers had thrown a half-eaten piece of corn on the cob at us. The kind you get from KFC.
Corn Cob

They didn’t just toss it either, as evidenced by the splat on the truck, directly over Lisa’s head.

Corn Splat

They winged that thing.

We sat for almost another hour until the guy came to fix the tire.

Tire Guy. Yep, I took his picture too.

We finally got back on the road. We would have made it home before dark. Instead, we made it home in the middle of the night. And the next morning, I was ready for my new (old) life.

Home

And yeah, really just posted that last one to show that I had on cutoffs. Something else that I never wear anymore, although i would if I was skinny.

In my new life, I would move into an apartment with my sister, and I would meet my future husband in an East Atlanta bar, and move in with him, and get a couple of cats and a dog and drink a lot, and then end up with two kids and a minivan in the burbs, wondering how the hell that happened.

And none of it would have happened if it wasn’t for the red overalls. I’m sure of it.

A Tale of Two Sisters in Overalls

Sunday, August 8th, 2010

It was the summer of 1998. I can still remember it like it was yesterday, even though it was pre-Todd, pre-Rollie and Tiller, Pre-Quint and Simon, and Scully. Hard to imagine that now.

My sister was my best friend. No one else even came close, except maybe that boy. We were parting ways. He was off to Phoenix. It was an amicable parting, but i think I knew it was over forever. I’m not sure he knew yet. I was headed back to Atlanta, back to the South, back Home. The open road was like the first sheet in a blank book just waiting to be written.

I had me a Ryder truck, and a sister who agreed to follow me, driving my car back. It was the same car that I had in Atlanta the day I crapped in my pants on the connector, caught in the worst traffic jam ever, and just having left Three Dollar Cafe. It wasn’t pretty.

But that is a story for another day.

We left Denver on a sunny, hot, dry day. It was July 31st. We broke down later that day in Victoria, Kansas. You are probably thinking, “they didn’t get very far” and if you are thinking that, then you have never driven across Kansas, because Kansas is a never ending Son of a bitch.

Lisa flagged me down, driving the Acura, and waving frantically. This was in the olden days, when people didn’t have cel phones, unless they were selling drugs, and I didn’t even know what I was missing. I know that is hard to imagine, what with me having my iPhone surgically attached to my hand and all. If I were to do that drive today, without my phone, it would feel just like walking across Kansas naked.

I pulled over at the next stop. Which looked just like the last stop and every other one in Kansas, too. I pulled up next to Lisa and probably said something along the lines of “What the fuck?”

And she probably said something along the lines of, “There are fucking flames coming out from under your truck!”

Okay, they were just sparks. We had a muffler. It wouldn’t stay attached to the fucking truck. I didn’t know it was the muffler until we got down on our stomachs at a truck stop in Kansas and looked under and saw this round tubular thing hanging down.

So, we found the number for Ryder, and we found the payphone, the one around the corner, against the cinder block building wall, in the baking heat. We were on hold forfuckingever.

Lisa on Hold with Ryder.

Lisa on Hold with Ryder.


This is what she looked like when I first handed off the phone after I had been on hold so long that my ear had fallen asleep. I went and got the camera out of boredom. And this is what she looked like another thirty minutes later:
And yes, yes she is wearing overalls. I'm getting to that.

And yes, yes she is wearing overalls. I'm getting to that.

So, when we finally got a hold of Ryder on the FUCKING PAYPHONE, we told them we had a problem with our sparky tubular metal thing under the truck. And they said, “ma’am, you got yourself a muffler problem,” and we said, “Right, the muffler. Isn’t that what I just said? Great, how soon can you be here to fix it?” And he said, “Where are you?” and we said, “Kansas.”

Silence.

“Uh, where in Kansas?”

Lisa runs in the gas station to figure out where the fuck in Kansas we are.

“We’re in Victoria, Kansas.”

Silence. Then, “Well, we can get someone out to Victoria tomorrow.”

I look around me in dismay, because this is what it looks like where we are.

View from Gas Station, Victoria, KS. July 31st, 1998

View from Gas Station, Victoria, KS. July 31st, 1998

“Um, okay,” i say, “so, what would you do if you had a muffler problem like this and y’all couldn’t get here til tomorrow?”
“Well, Ma’am, I’d find some baling wire and tie it back up.”
And that’s what we did.
Muffler with Baling Wire, Victoria, KS
We walked around a gas station in Victoria, KS, begging a piece of bailing wire from men in trucks. Turns out it’s not that hard to find baling wire in Kansas. And then I got my ass down on the hot pavement, and climbed under that truck, just like the T-Birds in Grease, and I used that wire and I tied that muffler to the truck so tight it was never gonna come off!

At least, not until East St. Louis.

To be continued, in A Tale of Two Sisters in Overalls, Part II.

SisterSpeak

Wednesday, December 30th, 2009

Because I was picking cotton today, I was reminded that my sister and I have our own language. As our friend Harris famously once said, “You guys are freakishly close.”

How well do you know me and Leelee? Do you know the meaning of these words and phrases?

Waggy Butt
whermp
salmon
cotton
catface
strap on the feedbag
We should bitch more
shark
him’s bad

Lisa, what would you add to this list? I know there are more. This was off the top of my head when I was picking cotton this morning.

(Um, yeah, this is just a post for fun while i finish up a longer one I am working on.)

Even 34 years ago . . .

Monday, December 7th, 2009

I was still there for my little sis. You know, to help her open those gifts. Now I drink the wine with her, and maybe borrow stuff she gets. That’s how I roll.

Look at us, back in ’75! Leelee, I am sure that if we diet enough, we can wear these outfits again, and not look like sofas.

Lisa's First Birthday, 1975

I love you, Lee. Have a wonderful birthday.

Trivia

Wednesday, November 28th, 2007

So, I have the most awesomest sister in the world. She worked a twelve hour shift yesterday, wiping geriatric butts, then rushed over to watch my kids so that I could go out and play trivia. Then, she got up with them, fed and dressed them, and took them to school so I could sleep late. Oh, and she is knocked up, so she did it without copious amounts of coffee. What an amazement.

We did okay at trivia last night, and came in third, but I was a little disappointed that we blew the first place lead we carried through the first two rounds. Much fun was had, though, and our all-girls team picked up a few male scabs and . . . well, we didn’t really need them, but it was good to see them. There has been much discussion about whether our trivia team should be open to males or if it is a girls’ only night, and so the desegregation was not bad at all. I even picked up one very funny naked skateboarding story. You can’t beat that.

On to the questions, if i can remember them:

Round 1 –

  1. ATL sports: What is the name of the now defunct professional women’s soccer team in Atlanta?
  2. Barbie: What year was Barbie introduced, within two years:
  3. Bond: What was the name of the last Sean Connery Bond film?
  4. US Capitals: What is the capital of North Dakota?
  5. U2: What was U2’s first full-length release on Island records (hint: 1980):

Bonus: Name the two actors who played Bo and Luke Duke in the recent movie.

Round 2 –

  1. What article of clothing did the invention of the bra replace?
  2. Classical Music: Who wrote the Brandenburg Concerto? (There might be more to this question, but if there is, I don’t remember)
  3. Metal: Kevin Dubrow died this week. What metal band did he front?
  4. East Atlanta Village: What happens at the former location of the Kingfisher school on Thursday evenings and Sunday mornings?
  5. Gods: What is the name of the Egyptian sun god?

Bonus: Name the four members of the Walsh family on Beverly Hills 90210.

Round 3 –

  1. Math: What is the cube root of 152?
  2. Authors – Who wrote the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy?
  3. Cel Phones – What is Boost Mobile a subsidiary of?
  4. Plague – Within ten million, how many people died during the middle ages’ Black Plague?
  5. Cartoonists – Name of the comic written by Berkeley Brethed that spawned another comic strip called Outland?

Bonus – Name the three members of Run DMC. (Either their stage names or real names.)

Final Round –

  1. VPs – Who was the first vice president?
  2. Video Games – What classic video game company created the game Centipede?
  3. Wildlife – What is the only place on earth where alligators and crocs coexist in the wild?
  4. acronyms – What does MARTA stand for?
  5. Beer – Which has the fewest calories? Coors Light, Bud Light, or Miller Light?

Bonus – What are the top five films of all time, based on unadjusted gross receipts?

Freakishly Close

Thursday, October 11th, 2007


I met my sister at the dog park yesterday morning. We spent over an hour together. Afterwards, having just said goodbye to each other in the parking lot at Piedmont Park, I picked up the cel phone to call my sister as I pulled out of the lot. I had forgotten to mention something very important to her.

Her: Hey. What is it?
Me: I haven’t talked to you in a while, and I missed you.
Her: We should talk more often.
Me: I know. So, did you see that mutant mutt dog? I mean, I am a dog lover, but that was the ugliest thing I have ever seen.
Her: I thought he was cute! Like a Bassett raped by a pit bull.
Me: Seriously, that dog looked ridiculous.
Her: He can’t help it that he looks that way.
Me: I know. I would take his ugly brindle ass home anyway.
Her: Me too.
Me: Okay, bye.
Her: Bye. Oh, wait! Are you coming over?
Me: Yeah, I’ll meet you at your house.

So, it has been mentioned before that we are very close to one another. My friend Harris might have used the words, “Freakishly close” to describe our relationship. I don’t give a shit. Everything in my life is better when shared with my sister. Even unfortunate mutt rape victims. I couldn’t not call her and talk about it. Does an ugly mutt at the dog park exist if I don’t call my sister? Yes. But it’s way more fun if i call her about it.