I am trying to get my parents’ dog, Alex, used to my cats. I do not have high hopes. So far, they have been staring each other down for the last forty-five minutes. Anybody ever heard of a Jack Russell that lives with cats? Should I give up?
Archive for the ‘Home’ Category
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Thursday, September 23rd, 2010Big Spider
Saturday, September 11th, 2010Big ass spider in my garden. Picture doesn’t really do justice to his size, or his yellow and black pattern, or the awesome zigzag of his web.
Green Recessionista? Cheap Meanie?
Monday, August 23rd, 2010I’m really not sure whether this makes me eco-conscious, or a big old, no fun stick-in-the-mud. I do know that it looks frighteningly like something Pop would have done, although I did not take it as far as his sister Mary, who would just strike out the writing on cards and then reuse them.
Perhaps would have looked cuter had I saved weeks of comics and wrapped it all in those? Curious to see what Rollie’s reaction will be when his gift is not clad in Spidey or, um, anything with color on it.
So, am i Green or Cheap? (or both?)
We Found It!
Tuesday, August 17th, 2010The proverbial Needle In a Haystack. The diamond in a very messy and large rough. My diamond. We found it.
I was picking veggies from the garden, and I came up to the carport and Todd and the kids were grinning like jackasses eating briars.
“Mama?” Todd said. “Remember when you said you would take the kids to Chuck E. Cheese if they found something for you?”
I knew right away what it was they had found, but I played dumb for effect. For the kiddos. I had promised them, in those first days after losing the diamond, when we were turning the house upside down, and going through the dirt in the vacuum cleaner, that if they found my diamond, I would take them to Chuck E. Cheese’s.
“Did you find something?”
They made me close my eyes and hold out my hand. I did. They told me i could open. I did.
There was my engagement ring, diamond still missing, in the palm of my hand.
Wait. What? Where’s my diamond?!
Rollie walked over and put a gem in my hand.
I looked at Todd. “Where did you find it?” I said, amazed at how small it looked in my hand.
He had been moving the new mattress his parents gave us into Rollie’s room to replace Rollie’s old mattress. He lifted the old mattress up and found a piece of paper and my diamond. It is so small, it is a miracle that he saw it. I remembered, then, that one of the places that I remembered my ring hanging up on things was in Rollie’s room when I changed his sheets. It must have come off then.
What are the odds of getting a new mattress a month after losing your diamond and then finding the diamond under the old mattress? Was it God? Maybe. I waver between thinking there are no coincidences and thinking that life is all a series of hits and misses without any rhyme or reason. This definitely made me swing back to the side of fate and destiny and higher power. At least for a moment; For a moment, things seemed clear and magical at the same time.
“That’s it, isn’t it?” Todd said.
“Yeah, I think so.” Diamonds look different when they aren’t in the setting. In all honesty, it kind of looked fake.
“It kind of looks fake, though, doesn’t it?” Todd said.
“Yeah, kind of.”
But I set it in the prongs of my ring and it fit perfectly.
We went inside and the kids celebrated “their” find. I put my arms around my husband and hugged him and remembered how wonderful it is that he asked me to marry him. I have not ever, not once, ever regretted saying, “Yes.” It is the most important “Yes” i ever uttered. Then, we all ate dinner together.
And that’s how, after seven years of parental avoidance, yet another wall came down, another line crossed, and I finally had to break down and take the kids to Fuck E. Cheese’s.
SkeeBall is still fun. The pizza is still disgusting.
A Tale of Two Sisters in Overalls, Part III
Tuesday, August 10th, 2010Continued from A Tale of Two Sisters in Overalls, Part II. . .
I got a flat north of Nashville. So, when my tire blew out, and my sister was right in front of me, she didn’t happen to see me swerve across three lanes of traffic and into the emergency lane. She just looked in the rear view mirror and I was nowhere to be found, and thought, “uh-oh.” And then got off at the next exit, turned back around and went north on 75, and drove until she saw me broken down on the southbound side, then found the next exit, and got back on 75 South, and drove until she found me. Because we didn’t have cel phones. i swear to God, it was like living in the dark ages; we are lucky to have survived.
I was just sitting on the back bumper of the truck, because I’d already inspected the blowout. When you are driving from Colorado, getting a flat in Nashville is like getting a flat in your neighborhood. You are so close, and yet so far. You are so tired. You so don’t want to fucking change a tire. Which is good, because it turns out, even if you did, there are no spare tires on Ryder trucks. You have to call Ryder.
So, i sat there, and waited for Lisa to find me, and then told her what was up, and then sent her to the next exit to get drinks and call for help. I sat there a really long time. It was August 2, sitting on the side of 75 southbound, just north of Nashville. It was, to put it lightly, hot as fucking Hades.
Lisa came back. She said it would probably be a couple of hours. Have you ever sat on the side of 75 South in the midday sun for a couple of hours? It is horrific. We plowed through our snacks. The seats of the truck were like molten lava. Lisa was grumpy and sitting in the only shady spot in the truck. She is not a lover of the heat.
Me? I was trying to keep it fun. I had on red overalls. Nothing says fun like red overalls. I got a piece of dried grass and made Hee Haw jokes and tried to make Leelee laugh.
It didn’t work.
The sun was high up in the sky. There were almost no shadows. We sat on the back bumper of the truck, because it was the only way we could get some shade. I sat closest to the road, and Lisa sat right next to the edge closest to the grass on the side of the road. We didn’t talk. We watched cars fly by. Each one gave us a hot breeze, and the ones closest to us rocked the van. Some of them honked. Lisa and I sat in a daze, until a red jeep with three boys was coming towards us. There was something shouted, and then I heard and felt a loud, “thunk!” when something hit the van. Lisa immediately let out an “uuugggghhh!”
I looked over at her, and she had something yellow on her face and in her hair. She burst into tears. And, God help me. I’m not proud of it.
I laughed.
Those Nashville fuckers had thrown a half-eaten piece of corn on the cob at us. The kind you get from KFC.
They didn’t just toss it either, as evidenced by the splat on the truck, directly over Lisa’s head.
They winged that thing.
We sat for almost another hour until the guy came to fix the tire.
We finally got back on the road. We would have made it home before dark. Instead, we made it home in the middle of the night. And the next morning, I was ready for my new (old) life.
And yeah, really just posted that last one to show that I had on cutoffs. Something else that I never wear anymore, although i would if I was skinny.
In my new life, I would move into an apartment with my sister, and I would meet my future husband in an East Atlanta bar, and move in with him, and get a couple of cats and a dog and drink a lot, and then end up with two kids and a minivan in the burbs, wondering how the hell that happened.
And none of it would have happened if it wasn’t for the red overalls. I’m sure of it.
That’s Chocolate, Not Blood
Friday, August 6th, 2010
On his cheek. We had Brown Cow. Then, Rollie said his tooth was wiggly and he wanted me to pull it. We pretend to go get the pliers and pull his tooth. We threaten to tie a string around his tooth, tie the other to the doorknob, and then slam the door shut.
Then we do the delicate dance, the one that parents and children have done for thousands of years – Indeed, I am sure that some Kid in a cave had the same exact experience a millennia ago.
“Okay, Mom. Pull it.”
“You want me to pull it? Are you sure?”
“Yes. Just pull it.”
“Okay, tell me if it hurts, okay? Come over here into the light where I can see it.”
I wiggle the tooth with two fingers. I am scared to pull hard.
“Mom! I can do it. Stop! I don’t want you to pull it.”
“Okay, it’s bleeding a little, so take this paper towel. I don’t want you bleeding on my couch, you hear me?”
“I KNOW, Mama!”
I start unloading the dishwasher. Rollie comes back in.
“Mama, I think it is really loose. It is ready to come out. It is coming out now. Mama, pull it.”
“Okay, give me that paper towel.”
Todd and Uncle Wade come into the kitchen to watch with interest. We all stand under the light of the Kitchen. I fold over the paper towel and grip Rollie’s tooth between my two fingers, covered in paper towel to cut down on slippage. I tilt his head back so i can see his mouth in the light.
I wiggle the tooth, back and forth, front to back.
Rollie screams and bats my hands away.
He goes back into the den to watch Harry Potter. Todd and Wade follow him. I continue to do dishes.
I hear Todd say, “ugh.” Rollie comes back in. He just bares his teeth to me, then says, “See?” His tooth is bent forward perpendicular to his gums.
Ewww.
Then I think, that bitch is ready to come out.
I grab the paper towel again. I wiggle front and back. I wiggle side to side. Todd and Wade come in and are looking over my shoulder, and they are cringing as I wiggle, and grab again, and I ask Rollie if I’m hurting.
Nothing.
I think for a minute.
I twist the tooth.
A crack.
A small bloody tooth between my two fingers, white and red in the bright light of the kitchen. I lay it in my other palm, so small. My baby’s tooth – much different than the two that came home from school in plastic bags. My baby’s tooth.
“I lost my tooth! My tooth. Tiller! My tooth came out! The Tooth Fairy’s coming tonight!”
Truth be told? I have an iron stomach, and blood doesn’t bother me. But that little crack of my baby boy’s tooth coming out of the socket? I felt that one in my bones.
Sure, he lost two bottom baby teeth already. He lost them both at school, though. Not here in my kitchen. So, this is kinda a first.
And my baby? Now he really looks like a little boy, with a gap-toothed smile and the inability to say his esses without sounding like Voldemort when he gets all snaky.
Help Me Pull the Trigger
Tuesday, July 13th, 2010On a dining room lighting choice.
So, this is going to be a decorating post. I know. Very out of character. Bear with me. . .
My tastes veer toward antique, junk, found objects, metal, rust, peeling paint. This fit in pretty fine when Todd and I were in our first house in EAV.
I loved that house.
Then we got knocked up and had to move to a bigger house.
Furniture still worked. Schools didn’t.
And now we are in a great school, but in something i never thought i would own. A split-level. And my furniture? It still works, but I am finding that I need to mix it with more modern elements to keep it from looking incongruous with its surroundings.
So, I am getting a new piece of furniture, an old pie safe, from my in-laws. It is beautiful, and I will post a photo when it moves in, and give the whole scoop on its history. (I know. You are just riveted now, aren’t you?) It will go in the dining room. My dining room, with its farm table, beat up junk store chairs, and weird Pop objects: old iron, churn, huge antique crocks. Old photos on the walls.
I decided I wanted to repaint the den and dining room, to brighten the area. I love the color that we picked, but it is turning out to be too dark in those rooms (the den and dining area are connected). The dining room only has one window. I figured while I repainted, I would also use that as an excuse to get rid of the dining room light. It is the exact same fixture my grandparents had in THEIR house in Warner Robins. Need I say more? That bitch needs to go.
I started looking at fixtures. Realized the more traditional fixtures were going to make my dining room look like a Cracker Barrel. Decided what I really wanted was something more funky. Lighter, airier, brighter, less heavy.
This is new for me. I found myself looking at fixtures I would never have looked at before. I got Todd on board. We are in agreement. And now I’ve narrowed them down to a few I like.
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- #1
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- #2
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- #3
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- We are thinking about knocking out the windows and putting doors to a screened porch. (Which will add to darkness, but i want one.)
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- Stairs up to BRs. Stairs down to basement. Thinking i should repaint this room too, since they are adjoining.
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- Quint and Scully stay, as do couch, door on wall, drawing in frame.
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- Will probably paint dining room door white to brighten room.
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- Red hutch in back is going. Mirror on wall is going. Keeping the armillary sphere. Armoire is going somewhere else – too overpowering in this space.
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- See what I mean? Small. No light. (Let’s concentrate on the dining area for now – yes, Kitchen’s Grandma wallpaper is going from kitchen. Baby steps.)
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- Walls will be painted white/off-white. Junk in left back corner will be gone. Hutch in back right corner will be gone. Table and chairs stay. See how dark it is?
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- This thing is gone. Have to lighten things up in here.
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- Good example of stuff i like – repurposed wooden table, vintage enamel bowl with red trim.
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- Love the purples and greens. My favorite colors. Wish I could wear two patterns like this and not look like a sofa or a crazy bag lady.
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- She loves my camera.
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- #4
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- #5
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- #6
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- #7
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- #8
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- #9
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- #10
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- #11
I always have trouble pulling the trigger on decisions like this, though. I have a favorite. Todd has a favorite.
Which is your favorite?
Update: Added photos of dining room and adjoining living room.
We Don’t Smell Other People’s Bottoms
Thursday, July 8th, 2010I overhear Rollie telling Tiller “Smell my finger.”
Having been friends with more boys than girls along the way, all sorts of alarms went off in my head, backed by a “Master of Puppets” soundtrack. (‘m looking at you. You know who you are. Coming out of your girlfriend’s house, when you went in to “see what was taking her so long” when we picked her up on the way to school, and then making me smell your finger? Some scars never go away.)
“Rollie,” I said. “Come here.”
Rollie rolls his eyes (remind me again why I’m not allowed to slap his face?) and comes to stand in front of me.
“Why did you ask Tiller to smell your finger?”
“I didn’t.” [You little liar.]
“Yes, you did. I just heard you. Why?”
“I don’t remember.”
[I’m staring at him and he is staring back at me, rebelliously unblinking and wide-eyed.]
“Why did you say it?”
“Oh, never mind!” He walks away.
“Get back here.” [Try to control voice so it is not a yell.] “I say when we are done. Why did you ask her to smell your finger?”
[Comes back and stares at me.]
“Why? We can stand here all day until you tell me.”
“Because it’s stinky.”
“Why is it stinky?”
“Because i wiped it on my bottom.”
What. The. Fuck.
Is this normal older brother behavior? Am I raising a psychopath?
He got sent to the bathroom to wash his hands and then to his room. I asked Tiller, “Has your brother made you smell his finger before?”
She thinks, eyes on the ceiling.
“No. But he did ask me to smell his bottom one time. I said ‘No.'”
“Good girl. We don’t smell other people’s bottoms.”
Parenting is sometimes completely absurd. It never occurred to me to teach my kids that we don’t smell other people’s bottoms. But it is a lesson they need to know. Sometimes you end up hearing yourself actually saying words like, “We don’t smell other people’s bottoms.” You think, “what the hell has become of me?”
Parenting is fucking hard.
I Love Summer
Friday, June 25th, 2010Got this outta my garden, and made four batches of pesto, too.
Especially loving the Asparagus beans. . . Can’t wait till the cutting tomatoes come in and i can have a tomato sandwich for lunch every day. Ahhhhhh.
Snug as Two Bugs in a Rug
Friday, June 18th, 2010They were fighting five minutes before this and not five minutes after, but for a few moments this morning, my kiddos were snug as two bugs in a rug.
