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Archive for the ‘Parenthood’ Category

WAHM Perks

Tuesday, August 4th, 2009

So, I bitch a lot about staying at home with my kids. It is exhausting being a stay-at-home mom, and even more difficult when you work from home. I don’t work a ton of hours, but I do some freelance Technical Writing, editing, etc. Just a little something to keep me current, and to bring in a little extra dough.

Sometimes, though, I am reminded of how lucky I am, even though I don’t make a ton of money, and it usually takes me twice as long to do things as it would if I had no kids “helping me.”

Like this morning, for instance. I was editing a ColdFusion test, and decided to take a break. When I say, “decided” i mean that the kids came upstairs and starting trying to kill each other, and I thought I should distract them. I had just the thing.
PJs, Paper Planes
Prince, Princess, Kandinsky Ripoff
I need to remind myself every so often that the Work-at-Home-Mom (WAHM) job description includes such awesome perks as:

  • Working in PJs until lunchtime
  • Opportunity to expand knowledge of paper airplane design, engineering, and manufacture
  • Occasional payment in Art
  • Not too bad.

    Family, Friends, Oddities

    Sunday, August 2nd, 2009

    So, had a nice day. Got up early, went to family reunion. I like to see my Mom hang with her family, or as we call them around the house, “her people.” The kids swam like fish, and we ate burgers and dogs, and drank beer. It was awesome to see my cousins that I never get to see, even though we didn’t get nearly enough time together. It is hard to pay attention to people when you are trying to make sure your children aren’t drowning. it is distracting. I think that being distracted is one of the hardest parts of being a parent. You constantly feel distracted.

    Todd stayed home, because he had been out so late the night before, working on a shoot that ended up lasting 21 hours. I gave him a pass on the reunion, because that’s how i roll.

    When i got home, we put kids in pjs, then I took a shower and we headed out to my friend Evan’s. Evan and I have known each other since forever. I think he was 11 and I was 10 when we first met. I can’t believe that I have friends that I have known for TWENTY-SEVEN YEARS. Seriously. That is a long ass time.

    Evan and his wife have a Rock Paper Scissors Tournament every year. Nope. not Kidding. Pretty fun stuff. Evan is also one of the most awesome people that I know, because he does things like build his own Giant Jenga. Have you ever played Jenga? Yeah, it’s fun. Now imagine playing it with big old 2X4s, cut to proportional Jenga size. This is hard to explain, but basically, it creates a Jenga that is as high as you. So, if Jenga falls, you get injured feet. It is pretty fun. I rocked it. Which means somebody else lost and i didn’t get mushed toes. There were also some boys who decided to create their own Danger Jenga, which was basically a bunch of boys piling wood and coolers, and boxes and shit on top of each other to create a tower. I like.

    And then there was the weird Dance Off. It turns out that one of my son’s classmate’s father works with Evan. This father is quietish and the wife is really shy and quiet. Then I hear one day that these folks crashed a NYE party. The father danced like a maniac while the wife watched. Women were amazed by his moves. I was skeptical. So, the guy shows up at Evan’s. He BROUGHT HIS OWN MUSIC. Not kidding.

    And then, after a while, he and another guy proceeded to have a dance off. There were splits, spewing beer, and a stripper pole involved.

    And I was worried that they were going to be upset that their daughter’s room mother knocked back five beers in two hours. . . . silly me. I’m still kind of amazed that i am a parent.

    Oh, tomorrow, I will have to tell you about Play Him Off Keyboard Cat, and also the list that Jason and I gave to Evan. How odd is it to see what you wrote at 18 years of age, after 20 years? So odd.

    Just wondering . . .

    Thursday, July 30th, 2009

    I would love to know why it will cost $110 dollars for my six-year-old to play Fall t-ball. I mean, really. . . what the hell? Do they give them golden gloves?

    Amazing

    Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009

    Feeling kind of ill after stomach dropped out upon hearing shrieks, screaming, and crying from Rollie in the backyard. He got stung by a yellow jacket. First bee sting in six years. Hasn’t swollen up yet, thank god. Always worry about that, since my Grandma was deathly allergic. Amazing that I knew IMMEDIATELY that it was not a normal Tiller-pissed-me-off scream.

    A Tale of Two Sweets

    Sunday, July 12th, 2009

    We took the kids for ice cream this afternoon. Oddly, Rollie wanted a Sprite instead. Todd and I decided we’d all share a bigass rice krispie treat, too.

    Tiller went for the ice cream (birthday cake) and a handful of rice krispie treat, too. Sometimes it was hard for her to decide which to bite from. . . .

    I am feeling ungrateful and babyish today. I love my kids. They are fun. But I miss the trips with leisurely walks, and less argument, less potty emergencies. I miss strolling around, stopping for a coffee or a beer. I miss perusing bookstores for an hour at a time, and window shopping, and not having to have a destination or a time schedule.

    I know I will have it again someday. I just mourn it sometimes. And it is hard to stay dissatisfied when they look this happy.

    The Lake

    Friday, July 3rd, 2009

    Todd and I had the opportunity to spend three days at the lake a couple weeks ago, sans kids. Thanks to the bravery and generosity of my in-laws, who took the kids for a week. Sure, they sent them to Vacation Bible School, and Todd and I are “jury is still out” on the whole organized religion question, but let’s be honest: They could take them to Vacation Satanic Verses School, or Vacation Pimps and Hos School, and I would be okay with it, as long as I got my little kid-free vacation.

    I was so relaxed, that I didn’t even take any pictures, other than these shots I took when a storm rolled in from across the lake. Love to watch storms from the screened porch.

    Possibly Not the Domestic Goddess

    Friday, June 5th, 2009

    . . . that I think I am.

    I was cooking dinner last night (ahem, mac and cheese) and was boiling the macaroni, when the pot boiled over. (Or, “balled” over, as my Daddy with his Savannah accent would say. He also says “aygs” for eggs, “all” for oil, and “tin fall” for tin foil.) Tiller was in the kitchen with me and as the pot boiled over, she looked at me, shaking her head as if in disgust, and said, “That always happens.”

    Night before last, our babysitter Rebecca got to the house, and I was dressed and saying good night to Tiller. She hugged me then pulled back to study my face, as if seeing me for the first time.
    “Mama, what’s wrong with your eyes?”
    “Um, that’s makeup baby.”

    She keeps me honest, that one. No thinking i am a beautiful domestic Goddess with her around.

    Morning Mayhem

    Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009

    So, I’m not getting a ton of my work done this morning, but boy are the kids having fun. Two dogs, two five-year-olds, and three, count them, three, three-year-olds, all over at the house playing.

    Funny how my kids are so much more well-behaved when they have friends over.


    What Are People For?

    Sunday, May 31st, 2009

    Dash spent the night with us last night, while Lisa went to our friend Alexis’ wedding to create a horrendous Sunday morning hangover with old friends. Dash and the kids were up early this morning. I let Todd sleep in, as he had partied with neighbors until the wee hours of the morning. So, i was wrangling my now very mobile nephew (He’s going for the stairs! He’s going for the dog’s bowl! He’s juggling knives!), keeping Malex the Pup from chewing everything in his way, and attempting to make Mama some coffee, all the while fielding the constant barrage of questions, interspersed with their own brand of commentary, that a three and five-year old will throw at us in the mornings.

    What are we having for breakfast? Can we have blueberry pancakes and eggs and apples with peanut butter? We don’t have milk. We should have juice. We can have water, but if we have the water the juice will have to be watermelon. Can I smell that coffee? Dash is funny. Who is the Birdiest of the birds? And so on. The coffee continues to drip in slow motion, not nearly fast enough to save me.

    “Mama?” Rollie says, “What are people for?”
    I look at him blankly.
    “Huh?”
    “What are people for?” he says again, a serious and thoughtful look on his face, his morning hair mussed.

    Todd received Wendell Berry’s essay collection What Are People For? for Christmas, and I have been reading it, ahem. . in the bathroom for a few months. I thought, well, maybe Rollie read the title of the book.

    “That’s a good question, baby,” I said. Damn it, coffee! Drip! For the love of God, drip!

    “I mean, like, what are people for? Why did God make them?”

    Since he started school this past year, he has started describing things using the word, “Like.” It makes him sound like a complete and total dumbass teenager. It is driving me crazy.

    “Well, baby, that is an awesome question. In fact, people have been asking that question for a couple thousand years, and taking years and whole books to answer it. No one has really answered it. And I can’t begin to talk about it without my coffee. We’ll talk about it this afternoon, okay?”

    I was astounded. Holy crap. Not enough coffee in the world.

    Plus: Superfluous Mama needs coffee song. . .

    Home Sweet Home

    Tuesday, May 26th, 2009

    Thank God. We are home as of about an hour ago. I feel like I am on tour with Allman Brothers in the 70’s or something. “On the Road Again” has been stuck in my head for days. I put over 700 miles on the car this week. Went down to meet mom and Dad at the hospital in Macon on Tuesday. Drove to Warner Robins that night. Spent the night. Wednesday, drove to the hospital to see Dad then drove back to Atlanta to pack some clothes, pick up the dog, and check on the kids and my Mother-in-law. (Oh, and kiss my husband before he left for Anchorage the following morning.) Drove back to Warner Robins Wednesday night. Went to bed at 11. Got up at 4 a.m., in time to go with mom and lisa to hospital in Macon before Dad’s surgery at 6 a.m. Sat around hospital all that day til they put him in ICU and said he wasn’t gonna die in the next couple of hours. Left Lisa at the hospital and drove my mom back to Warner Robins. Turned around and drove back to macon to be with sis. Saw Dad. Went back to WR with Lisa for dinner, a glass of wine, Xanax, and bed. (Hotel Virginia is awesome: Before bed, everyone got a glass of wine, a Xanax and a hot bath before putting on jammies and retiring to our respective bedrooms, with our dogs lying by our sides and each of us reading books til we fall asleep.)
    Got up, went to hospital in Macon. Stayed with Dad for a while, then went on a search for men’s pajamas for Daddy, button front (NOT drawstring) and with matching top. They evidently do not make those anymore – Just the PJs bottoms with drawstrings, and coordinating t-shirts. I went three places. No dice. Gave up and went to bookstore and bought whole Sookie Stackhouse box set instead. Went home, and went to bed. Next morning, got up and packed all three dogs (Quint, Emily, and Malex) and took them to the lake, because i thought their wrestling in the house and the constant barking might give Mom the big one. Drove over to Milledgeville.

    Got to the lake and realized how very bad Dad must have been feeling before his surgery; the weeds up by the road and the grass around the house were knee-high. I have never in my life seen that yard not mowed weekly, sometimes more during warm weather. I mowed and cut back some shrubbery that was getting out of control.

    Let the dogs go free the weekend, romping in the water, rolling around in dead fish, playing with the country dogs always coming by to see us. At one point, I had eight dogs running around the front yard and in the lake: Our three, two chocolate labs (Josie and Choco – v. original), one unnamed poodle, two yellow labs, one of which they call Lego, but whose name is Legolas (v.literary for Milledgeville) and a pug named Lulu. Oh, that’s nine. Anyway, it was mayhem and it made me happy. It poured down in the afternoon and i sat on the porch and read my vampire book.

    Lisa and Dash came down the next morning. I finished the last of the lawn, then we took the boat and the Seadoo out. It was relaxing to get out on the water and cut up on the seadoo and i knew Dad wished he could be there. V. few Memorial Days have I spent with neither my Dad or my husband. Definitely the first one i have ever spent with just my sister and my nephew.

    Packed up yesterday morning. Drove to Macon, then to Columbus. If I ever bitch about how boring 16 is, just tell me to shut up and remember the poor people who have to drive from Macon to Columbus. I defy anyone to come up with a more boring drive. From Columbus, cut over to Opelika, then Dadeville to get the kids at my in-laws’. Spent the night over there (decided against driving back to Atlanta for two hours, in what would surely have turned into an 85-roadwork+Memorial-Day-Traffic clusterfuck of monumental proportion). I did get to hang out with my brother-in-law and my niece, Luci, who is cute as can be, and was so fun to watch with Rollie and tiller. They are all old enough now to play with each other and she and Tiller even got into a few arguments with one another. Good times!

    Drove back this morning. Had fun discussion with Rollie in car:

    R: “Mama, I want to move to Alabama, so that I can go to Sunday School.”
    Me: [Laughing out loud.] “Baby, they have Sunday School in Georgia, too. What did y’all talk about in Sunday School.”
    R: “We learned about this guy, his name starts with a D.”
    Me: “David? Daniel?”
    R: “There were three guys and they didn’t like the guy with the D name, so they tried to kill him.”
    Me: “Um, okay, can you tell me more? Who else was there?”
    R: “Knights and guys on horses.”
    Me: “And what happened?”
    R: “Well, the d guy, he had a plan. Also, the other two guys had a plan also. God was going to save them from being killed.”

    This went on and on for about ten minutes, me trying to figure out what the heck bible story they had taught him, and him getting frustrated because I kept asking questions. Still haven’t figured this one out. Also haven’t decided if all the learning about people being killed is so great either.

    Got back home. My garden is growing like gangbusters.

    Oh, and Dad went home yesterday. He is driving me crazy, calling every few hours to check on us, tell us things that need to be done (wash the dog, mow the lawn, how is my garden? Don’t forget to fertilize it) and then waiting until we are midsentence in reply, and saying, “bye bye!” and click, he hangs up on us.

    Love, Happy to be Home Dogwood