This just never becomes unfunny to me. My kids love it. I love the crappy production look of it – very 80s rock video. My cats are completely offended by it, but they better come around, because I see a video shoot in their near future.
Jingle Cats
December 20th, 2007Goat Man Takes New York
December 19th, 2007
Spent the weekend in NYC with Camille. For those of you who know me, you know about me being the Goatman. See the link for info on the real Goat Man. I never actually saw the Goat Man myself, but my Grandma Palmer always told Pop, when he came in the kitchen door with muddy shoes, or filthy from working in the yard, “Hoooooooooo-Weeeeeeee! You look like the Goat Man!” My family has always referred to someone dressed like crap or dirty or smelly as the Goat Man. (Possibly from dumpster diving with their Grandfather? Not that I would know anything about that.) Pop is the Goatman. I am Goatman Junior.
It is funny how families have inside jokes that become part of their own language, and I often forget that not everyone knows what it is to be The Goat Man. Just like only a select few know what is to have a hair “shark” or “whermp,” “accordion stomach,” or for a dog to have “salmon.” Wet paper is anathema to us. As are Band-Aids stuck to the side of a pool. Suffice it to say that we as a family are all quirkily insane (insanely quirky?) But I digress – Camille and I decided that we would call this trip Goat Man Takes New York.
While I tend to avoid the mob scene at all costs, it was pretty fun to just give in to all the touristy Christmas stuff happening up there, and I have to admit it gave me a little of the Christmas spirit. I had never been to NY during Christmas before, and they do not mess around. They even decorate the scaffolding on buildings under construction. I wonder how anyone with kids manages to keep the Santa secret, because at any given time, you can be walking the city sidewalks in a throng of Santas. The usual street musicians play Christmas carols (my favorite was the steel drum version), and I have never seen so many tourists wearing Christmas sweaters, Santa Claus hats, and bells around their necks in my life. I did wonder how more of them didn’t get splatted by taxis, because I don’t think one single person within a mile radius of Rockefeller Center was doing anything but looking up. The whole scene is fun, and pretty contagious. That being said, I was completely annoyed by the mass material consumption. I am not a shopping lover by nature, and it baffled me how throngs of people wanted to do nothing but buy!buy!buy! when they could be enjoying all the city has to offer. By Sunday morning, I was ready to shove into oncoming traffic the next threesome of midwesterners who pulled up short in front of me right in the middle sidewalk (wearing Christmas vests and Uggs, no less).
On Friday, we checked into the Intercontinental, then headed over for the Empire State Building. The view is great, and the I am glad I did it, but I will probably never subject myself to it again. I felt just a little too much like cattle. Here is my video from the line. (What can I say? I got bored. I had to mock with mooing. It had to be done.)
Camille and I kept a running list of the New York jobs that seemed to suck the most. I personally detest any job where a person is forced to hawk their wares, or anything that involves a song and dance. With that in mind, the guy in the above video has a crappy job. The guys who dance on the piano at FAO Schwartz have a crappy job. But the crappiest job EVER has to be the poor bastards who get to MC the Barbie Catwalk at FAO Schwartz. My absolute worst nightmare. On the other hand, employees get to hang out in the Leaky Cauldron and around a life-size Iorek, so it is not all bad.
Friday night, we had burgers at some Irish(ish) pub and then had beers with Harris and Anne. They live in Brooklyn and get big props for coming in to meet us despite Anne being a little under the weather and Harris leaving the next day for Tokyo. (For those who know Reese, he’s started blogging again – ShiftyEye, we hardly knew ye! – and is documenting his time in Tokyo. Anne is also supposed to be contributing to their blog, but she has yet to appear. Hopefully, she will rectify this soon.)
After they left, we walked around to look at Christmas decorations and enjoy our buzz, strolling along, taking in the Santas galore, and seeing the Rockefeller tree at night. Walked all over to find a place to get another beer, then had one more at the hotel. Got to bed at a reasonable one-ish.
Woke up the next day with a bit of a sinus headache, but headed out to find a bagel and coffee. I love the food choices in the city. I guess I could have called my trip Goat Man Eats New York. Although i am surprised how little I ate while i was there. There is so much to do I just kind of forget to eat.
Saturday was fun. Lots of walking around, and we saw Grease at the Brooks Atkinson Theater. I am not a big fan of musicals, but if there was one I would want to see, this was it. It was good, but not great, although I was really impressed at how much work must go into each production, and i thought the sets and props were way cool. Camille had been planning and looking forward to it for months, so her excitement was contagious. Afterwards, we went to Rockefeller Center for the NBC Studio tour (more feeling like a cow in a cattle chute) and I was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed the tour. Seeing the studios themselves (for Conan and SNL) was pretty eye-opening about how much they trick the audience into thinking they are seeing things that they aren’t. No, there were no famous people there. I was v. impressed with my knowledge of production, though, when the snooty Canadian hipsters didn’t know what Silver Cup was, and I did. Take that, Canadians! My man’s in the biz!
After that we cooled our heels in the room, then changed and headed out to meet my friend Jonathon in . . . the E. Village, i think? (I don’t really know my way around NY that well.) Camille and I decided to do the subway, since we hadn’t used it yet for the trip. Glad we did, as the walk was awesome after getting off and we saw more on foot and subway than we would have in a cab. (Plus, I just love the subway. There is such a sense of accomplishment for me in finding my way around a different city.) We started at Grand Central (which was right by our hotel) and made sure to check out the weird echo in the basement of the station next to the oyster bar. Harris, I’ll be honest – I thought you were fucking with us about that. It was v. cool.
Went to meet Jonathon and his roommate Chris, at Euzkadi. Very cool place, laid back, with great servers. It had perfect lighting. Camille had a salad and it was tasty. I had beer. There is nothing better than drinking beer in a nice warm bar while the snow is coming down. We stayed there for a while, then went back to J. and C.’s apartment (very nice and huge!) for more beer. It was a perfect end to a v. long day – My feet were thanking me for sitting on a couch, drinking beer, and talking music. Oh, yeah, and Chris’ dog, Norman Bates, was cute as all get-out. I mean, I say that about all dogs, but this one was beautiful. 
We caught a cab back to the hotel a little after one. It took a while to catch the cab, and we were being pelted with sleet, but it really doesn’t hurt that much if you drink enough beforehand.
Drank the perfect amount on Saturday, because Camille and I both felt great on Sunday. We headed out into the bitter, windy cold and rain. It had been coming down all night, and the sidewalks were icy and there were huge, ice cold puddles at every crosswalk. Of course, I stepped right in the first one i got to, and couldn’t feel my toes for the rest of the day, but our flight was at 3 pm and decided against buying a new pair of shoes for one morning of walking around. We walked the stores on 5th Avenue and Madison Ave. We stopped in St. Patrick’s during the 11 a.m. service, which was really beautiful. We made fun of people. We decided to go all out and hit the FAO Schwartz, which was crowded but funny.
Worried about the weather, we got back to the hotel in time to check out and make sure our flight was still on schedule. It was, so we grabbed and cab and headed to Laguardia. I was much less nervous about the flight home, which is v. unusual for me, as I am usually a complete nutcase about it. This is partially because I figured out on the flight up that all i really need is a Xanax and TRIVIA IN THE BACK OF EACH SEAT OF THE PLANE. Mother of God, why did they not think of this before? Best invention since pay-at-the-pump! You’re pitted against other people on the plane, so that you can say, “You’re going down, 27C!” when they are beating you. (Except you probably should only say it in your head, or Homeland Security might meet you with handcuffs at the arrival gate.)
I was despondent upon realizing we were bereft of trivia on the flight home. Things took a distinct turn for the worse when the Captain came on the loudspeaker to tell us, “We have had reports of some turbulence upon takeoff here from Laguardia. Much of this has been severe turbulence. Now, let’s put this into perspective: Severe turbulence is not going to damage the aircraft, but it will be very uncomfortable, and will require that you remain in your seat with your seatbelt fastened.” He then proceeded to attempt to convince the passengers of his prowess as a pilot by telling us about his background in the Air Force. Um, okay, so are you comparing this flight to a battle situation? Awesome. Just awesome. Thank God for prescription sedatives. Turns out it wasn’t half as bad as had been reported earlier. Which is good, because I don’t have great bladder control since having children.
We arrived back in Atlanta and I made it home and I was really glad to see the Rugrats, which is the best indicator of a relaxing weekend trip.
I miss New York, though. Great city. Wish I had more time. Didn’t get to hit one museum. I am sure Todd is shaking his head at the thought of having to go with me in the future. Not because he dislikes art, but because he dislikes how long it takes me to meander through museums. I guess I’m already planning my next trip. I think I’ll call it The Goat Man Returns.
More pics in my NYC set on Flickr.
There Is a God
December 18th, 2007And he is giving us Rock of Love 2.
My Kid Rocks!
December 17th, 2007
Tiller and Rollie are enrolled in Mother’s Morning Out/Preschool at a nearby church. Today was their Christmas program, where the parents dress their kids up in the requisite Christmas outfits and then the kids get up in front of the audience and proceed to have a million different kinds of meltdowns. Kids cry, kids talk to their parents, a few kids do their own dances, and not one of them actually sings the Christmas song their music teacher has been teaching them for the last three months. Some of them pick their noses. Some of them hit one another with bells. It is completely amusing. All of this goes on as the proud parents snap photos and take video of their little darlings as if they were Brangelina’s Shiloh.
It has been interesting to sing Christmas carols with the kids this year. We sing with the kids at home, and are constantly looking for music that we like that is also kid-friendly. If I do say so myself, my kids have excellent taste in music; Rollie can identify both Band of Horses and Kings of Leon by ear. He even has this funny pseudo-tough face that he does in conjunction with the heavy metal “devil horns” sign when he’s really rocking out to a song. (By the way, that gesture is actually called a “corna” from the Italian for horns. Who knew?) But Christmas carols just don’t seem cool, until you have a little one whose eyes are all alight with Christmas joy and visions of sugar plums and all that crap. Then, you just have to bite the bullet and sing the hell out of some Jingle Bells at the top of your lungs.
So, there we were, watching the kids perform Christmas carols at the church program. They finished a song, and the audience clapped for them, and Rollie looked at me, wearing his Three Kings outfit and a huge smile on his face, raised his arm, and gave me the clearest, most awesome Corna you ever saw in a Methodist church sanctuary.
My kid fucking rocks.
Winning the Lottery
December 13th, 2007You probably would not know it, even if you know me pretty well, but sometimes I get depressed. It’s never enough to make me unable to function (well, there was that one time after I had the baby, but that was just the hormones), but I just get down. Blah. Uninterested. Bluesy. I don’t really want to leave the house. I don’t really want to clean the house I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to do anything at all. It reminds me of when I was a kid, and it would be raining, and there was nothing to do, and I kept on driving my mom crazy, but whatever she suggested sounded like absolutely no fun to me, and the feeling was just pure frustration.
When I get this way, i think I hide it pretty well from everyone but my sister and my husband. God knows, Todd has certainly been seeing the ill effects of my recent melancholy in the sorry housekeeping I have been doing. But for the most part, I really try to overcome my down days, to find things to do to pull me out of the depression, or at least keep me busy until it passes. Which I guess means that I am not truly depressed at all, because I can still function, can still see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Well, it just seems like lately i have have been bored, depressed, whatever. Maybe it’s the holidays, maybe it’s watching both mine and Todd’s parents deal with their own aging parents, when they should be enjoying their retirements and their golden years. Maybe it is feeling helpless at not being able to make all of the people I love just have it easier, or just get a damn break once in a while.
I am still feeling a little down, but you know what helps? When one of your oldest and dearest friends calls and asks if you can drop everything and help her out by going to New York with her for the weekend. All expenses paid. Because her husband was supposed to go with her and something came up with work and now she will have to go by herself.
Um, okay. I guess so. What? Hells to the yeah, I’ll go! What depression? What boredom?
Who won the lottery?
I did. When I was born to the most awesomest, givingest Mama ever. When I started playing rec-league b-ball with Mealby “Take a Look at My Choices” Barron, and when I met the most understanding, laid-back, fun-loving, hysterical – and yet responsible – man EVER and made my smartest life move yet – Marrying his ass.
My Dad and sister and kids and cutest dog in the world? They are icing on my life cake.
Santa Claus Is Coming to Town
December 10th, 2007If this doesn’t get you into the Christmas spirit, you are dead inside.
Coffee, Santa, Margaritas, and Rudolph = Bliss
December 10th, 2007
Good, hot coffee at Joe’s. Tiller and Rollie sitting on East Atlanta Santa’s lap, with not a tear. Meeting nice new people in my great neighborhood. Margaritas with the Reids and my family at La Casita Cantina. Mmmm. Pork Carnitas. . . .
Coming home and cuddling on the couch with my eldest, dozing to the sounds of him watching Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
Bliss.
Evening Alone
December 9th, 2007So, at first I was kinda bummed that Todd got to go the the EAV Progressive Dinner, but then I realized i would have unadulterated Tifaux to myself; I could watch Survivor after Survivor with nary a snide remark to be heard all night.
Then I realized that I had to get up and go get my own damn beers.
Fuck. This sucks.
Trivia Answers, Dec. 4th, 2007
December 7th, 2007Round 1
- Lucas: What in the ’97 special edition Star Wars movie created an uproar among SW traditionalists? It was in the Greedo/Han confrontation scene. Greedo shoots first.
- Bands: What band was started in 1983 at Univ. of VT by Trey Anastazio, Jeff Hollworth, Mike Fishman, and somebody Goldberg? Phish.
- Cartoons: Where do BooBoo Bear and Yogi Bear live? Jellystone
- Griswolds: Where is Clark taking the family in the first Vacation? WallyWorld
- Authors: What Suspense novelist, best known for fiction, wrote the non-fiction best-sellers “Skipping Christmas” and “Playing for Pizza?” John Grisham.
Bonus – Muppets: What are the names of the two muppets who sit in the balcony on the Muppet Show? Statler and Waldorf
Round 2
- Movies: What is the name of Adam Sandler’s production company, which produced movies such as Little Nicky, Deuce bigelow, and 50 First Dates? Happy Madison
- Guitar Gods: What guitarist played with The Whore, Quiet Riot, and Ozzy before dying in a plane crash in 1982? Randy Rhoades.
- Children’s Authors: Who wrote the Curious George series? H.A. Ray
- EAV: What historically took place on Tuesdays around 9:30ish at The Gravity? Bingo Trivia
- I’ve Got a Shotgun: What vehicle is responsible for our term “Shotgun!” The Stagecoach
Bonus – Cheers: Name the 3 male Bartenders on Cheers. Sam, Woody, and Coach
Round 3
- Judge Judy – What is her full name? Judy Steindlen
- Poetry: What is the term for a word that is spelled like it sounds? Onomonopaeia
- The Soup: Who is the current host of The Soup? Joel (can’t remember the last name)
- Big Words for Small things: What is [I am guessing at the full question and spelling, but it is something along the lines of] “Heterogeneous hydroscopic, antisytropic lignin holding together celluloses and semicelluloses?” Wood
- Howard Stern Regulars: 4′ 1″ tall Henry Joseph Mastiff, Jr., of the WacPack, is also known by what nickname? Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf
Bonus – A Clockwork Orange: Name the 4 Youths responsible for The Ultraviolence. Alex, Dim, Georgia, and Pete.
Round 4
- Smoking: According to advertising, how far would you walk for a Camel? A Mile
- Hockey: Name the last winner of the Stanley Cup. Anaheim Ducks
- Blues Bros: What actress played the ex-fiance of Joliet Jakes (sp?) Carrie Fisher
- The Clermont: Who at the Clermont is famous for crushing beer cans with her breasts? Blondie
- Simpsons: Who is the voice of Homer’s 1/2 brother, Herb Powell? Danny Devito
Bonus – Name the five members of The Breakfast Club. (Characters’ names.) Claire Standish, John Bender, Andrew Clark, Brian Johnson, Allison Reynolds.
Trivia Questions, Dec. 4, 2007
December 5th, 2007Round 1
- Lucas: What in the ’97 special edition Star Wars movie created an uproar among SW traditionalists? It was in the Greedo/Han confrontation scene.
- Bands: What band was started in 1983 at Univ. of VT by Trey Anastazio, Jeff Hollworth, Mike Fishman, and somebody Goldberg?
- Cartoons: Where do BooBoo Bear and Yogi Bear live?
- Griswolds: Where is Clark taking the family in the first Vacation?
- Authors: What Suspense novelist, best known for fiction, wrote the non-fiction best-sellers “Skipping Christmas” and “Playing for Pizza?”
Bonus – Muppets: What are the names of the two muppets who sit in the balcony on the Muppet Show?
Round 2
- Movies: What is the name of Adam Sandler’s production company, which produced movies such as Little Nicky, Deuce bigelow, and 50 First Dates?
- Guitar Gods: What guitarist played with The Whore, Quiet Riot, and Ozzy before dying in a plane crash in 1982?
- Children’s Authors: Who wrote the Curious George series?
- EAV: What historically took place on Tuesdays around 9:30ish at The Gravity?
- I’ve Got a Shotgun: What vehicle is responsible for our term “Shotgun!”
Bonus – Cheers: Name the 3 male Bartenders on Cheers.
Round 3
- Judge Judy – What is her full name?
- Poetry: What is the term for a word that is spelled like it sounds?
- The Soup: Who is the current host of The Soup?
- Big Words for Small things: What is [I am guessing at the full question and spelling, but it is something along the lines of] “Heterogeneous hydroscopic, antisytropic lignin holding together celluloses and semicelluloses?”
- Howard Stern Regulars: 4′ 1″ tall Henry Joseph Mastiff, Jr., of the WacPack, is also known by what nickname?
Bonus – A Clockwork Orange: Name the 4 Youths responsible for The Ultraviolence.
Round 4
- Smoking: According to advertising, how far would you walk for a Camel?
- Hockey: Name the last winner of the Stanley Cup.
- Blues Bros: What actress played the ex-fiance of Joliet Jakes (sp?)
- The Clermont: Who at the Clermont is famous for crushing beer cans with her breasts?
- Simpsons: Who is the voice of Homer’s 1/2 brother, Herb Powell?
Bonus – Name the five members of The Breakfast Club. (Characters’ names.)
Answer in the comments, pretty please, and I’ll post the correct answers tomorrow.