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It’s a Wonderful Life

December 25th, 2011

We had Christmas Eve at our house today.

We ate lasagna and drank wine. The kids fought and whined and cried and laughed. We let the kids open a present each. They loved it.

The kids were all riled up.

The kids were all riled up.

We snuggled on the couch. Lisa and I even took a nap on the couch together.

We snuggled on the couch. Lisa and I even took a nap on the couch together.

And the kids, did I mention they were cute and all riled up? They were crazy.

And the kids, did I mention they were cute and all riled up? They were crazy.

I got to hang with my two favorite girls.

I got to hang with my two favorite girls.

And then tonight, Todd and I played Santa, and stuffed stockings.

And then tonight, Todd and I played Santa, and stuffed stockings.

This guy helped. And hindered. I miss Q, but I am glad to have him here, even if he is a fat pain in my ass.

This guy helped. And hindered. I miss Q, but I am glad to have him here, even if he is a fat pain in my ass.


And then we ate camembert and summer sausage for dinner, and drank more. We ate cookies and laughed over the letter Tiller wrote to Santa.
 She is a sweetheart. (page 1)

And read the letter Tills wrote to Santa. She is a sweetheart. (page 1)

Page 2: You have done well.

Page 2: You have done well.

And page 3.

And page 3.

And then we watched my fave - It's a Wonderful Life.

And then we watched my fave - It's a Wonderful Life.

I watch it every Christmas Eve. Something new is revealed every year – This year it was when Clarence died. After Tom Sawyer was published, but before Huck Finn. And this year, it rings just a little more true. Perhaps it is my age, but i think it more likely that it is the past year, which has taught me how fragile life has been, and that we all have, at most, a tenuous grasp of life on this earth, and it doesn’t matter whether we are plant or animal, young or old. We are at the mercy of things completely out of our control. To pretend otherwise is ridiculous. As is the very real desire to worry ourselves sick at the thought.

I cannot stop time and make my dog forever young. I can’t stop someone from murdering my loved one. I cannot stop a car wreck from taking a child away in mere seconds, or keep his parents for suffering as he lingers for weeks, holding on to life by a thread, against all hope.

It is all completely and totally out of my control, and all i can do is try to enjoy the now, because while we have it, it’s a Wonderful Life.

Merry Christmas, y’all!

Part II, a.k.a. Shotgun Blast of Thanks

December 21st, 2011

I am thankful that I happened to come across a blog post i wrote two years ago on the Winter Solstice. I am thankful that I spent that lovely evening with my dog, Quint. I am thankful that I wrote about it, so I can remember what it was like to sit in the cold on the lake with him and watch stars. I am thankful I still remember what his ears felt like.

This year has been rough and a lot sad, and it has made me even more sad that I haven’t written as much as I normally do. This is part two of looking on the bright side, so that two years from now, I will maybe look back and remember the good things, not the sad ones.

I am thankful for this little guy, and that he likes baseball.

I am thankful for this little guy, and that he likes baseball.

That I had the pleasure of seeing Harmony at baseball games, and know the strangeness of old friends having kids play sports together. Always surreal.

That I had the pleasure of seeing Harmony at baseball games, and know the strangeness of old friends having kids play sports together. Always surreal.

Thankful for the wonderful people who always step up to the plate and coach my kids' teams. This guy cracked us up by coming out to pitch the last inning of a v. close final game dressed as Braveheart. I am thankful for the weird and the absurd in people.

Thankful for the wonderful people who always step up to the plate and coach my kids' teams. This guy cracked us up by coming out to pitch the last inning of a v. close final game dressed as Braveheart. I am thankful for the weird and the absurd in people.

Thankful for Yankees in rural Georgia. They make me laugh.

Thankful for Yankees in rural Georgia. They make me laugh.

And for quiet, woodsy solitude at sunset.

And for quiet, woodsy solitude at sunset.

And that I had time to play hair with friends. I miss those simple time-wasters.

And that I had time to play hair with friends. I miss those simple time-wasters.

And good Chardonnay. Don't get the good stuff nearly often enough.

And good Chardonnay. Don't get the good stuff nearly often enough.

For a sunny cool day spent shopping with friends.

For a sunny cool day spent shopping with friends.

A day spent trying on hats.

A day spent trying on hats.

and being reminded of my long-gone hat collection and how much joy it brought me. (i am a freak!)

and being reminded of my long-gone hat collection and how much joy it brought me. (i am a freak!)

And girls drinking in trucks.

And girls drinking in trucks.

Thankful that I rarely forget to take in the view.

Thankful that I rarely forget to take in the view.

And for time spent in front of outdoor fireplaces. (I will have one, one day. I will!) And for the sweet gift of the MacQueen tartan scarf my Daddy gave me. I love it.

And for time spent in front of outdoor fireplaces. (I will have one, one day. I will!) And for the sweet gift of the MacQueen tartan scarf my Daddy gave me. I love it.

And thankful that I have more girlfriends at 39 than i ever did as a young girl.

And thankful that I have more girlfriends at 39 than i ever did as a young girl.

Thankful that Mom finally made it to Alaska and loved it as much as she thought she would.

Thankful that Mom finally made it to Alaska and loved it as much as she thought she would.

Thankful for the beautiful day I spent with friends in Athens.

Thankful for the beautiful day I spent with friends in Athens.

And that my husband still takes me to the game every other year.

And that my husband still takes me to the game every other year.

Even though I bark in the Auburn section, and I am usually bad luck for Todd's Tigers.

Even though I bark in the Auburn section, and I am usually bad luck for Todd's Tigers.

Thankful for my sweet, artistic girl, and the chalk drawings she does in the garage.

Thankful for my sweet, artistic girl, and the chalk drawings she does in the garage.

Sad that they are not permanent, but that Todd and I managed to capture her precious misspellings. Thankful she lists the things she loves - the cuirur green, sparkely shoes, her dog. - Perhaps she is a bit like her mother sometimes.

Sad that they are not permanent, but that Todd and I managed to capture her precious misspellings. Thankful she lists the things she loves - the cuirur green, sparkely shoes, her dog. - Perhaps she is a bit like her mother sometimes.

I'm thankful for decorative gourd season, mutherfuckers!

I'm thankful for decorative gourd season, mutherfuckers!

Because it still makes me laugh every time I think of it. It is a cornucopia of laughter.

I am thankful that I know what it means to have a daughter.

I am thankful that I know what it means to have a daughter.

And for a most peaceful thanksgiving with my parents. Also, for a husband who has the patience to show my mother how to put books on her iPad. He is worth his weight in gold.

And for a most peaceful thanksgiving with my parents. Also, for a husband who has the patience to show my mother how to put books on her iPad. He is worth his weight in gold.

And that we still do EAV Santa.

And that we still do EAV Santa.

Thankful for my husband's brothers' wife and fiancee. I am lucky we have no drama. And that we all talk when the boys are stoic and quiet.

Thankful for my husband's brothers' wife and fiancee. I am lucky we have no drama. And that we all talk when the boys are stoic and quiet.

Thankful for my sweet niece, Luci. Lucky to have a niece and a nephew.

Thankful for my sweet niece, Luci. Lucky to have a niece and a nephew.

Did I mention Tills? She is my heart.

Did I mention Tills? She is my heart.

And thankful to know what it is to have a large family. My in-laws are so devoid of drama. They are so very normal. It is nice to have something to balance out the crazy.

And thankful to know what it is to have a large family. My in-laws are so devoid of drama. They are so very normal. It is nice to have something to balance out the crazy.

I am so thankful for happy engagements.

I am so thankful for happy engagements.

And that my children will know the love of cousins.

And that my children will know the love of cousins.

For the wonderful Johnson men. It is a comfort to know that they are such a wonderful example for my son.

For the wonderful Johnson men. It is a comfort to know that they are such a wonderful example for my son.

And that I still love my husband and he still (I think?) loves me.

And that I still love my husband and he still (I think?) loves me.

Thankful for Ned and Vanessa and their sweet girl Scarlett, and for the wonderful afternoon we spent tailgating for Iron Bowl. I love that our kids experience that tradition every year.

Thankful for Ned and Vanessa and their sweet girl Scarlett, and for the wonderful afternoon we spent tailgating for Iron Bowl. I love that our kids experience that tradition every year.

And there you have it. One huge shotgun blast of thankfulness. My life is good. Really good.

Thankful

December 19th, 2011

So, damn. That last post was a real downer. Sorry about that. I am pretty good at the ostrich thing, though. I do lots of fun stuff, and I am lucky to have a healthy family, and I still have both parents, and my husband is the best one in the whole wide world ever (for me.) So, here are some things I’m thankful for . . . Think of it as one whole post about shit I’m thankful for, rather than an annoying “I’m Thankful” facebook post every damn day of November. See how good I am to you? So thoughtful . . . .

My friends Shannon and Matt had a baby and we finally visited him.

Tills and DannyBoy

Tills and DannyBoy


We have beer on Main Street now.

We have beer on Main Street now.


I got to spend an afternoon with my sister and our kids. Sadly, that almost never happens anymore.

I got to spend an afternoon with my sister and our kids. Sadly, that almost never happens anymore.

Tills broke her arm, but I still got to go to NYC with Todd.

Tills broke her arm, but I still got to go to NYC with Todd.

I had breakfast that i bought at Union Square Greenmarket. I ate it on a bench and watched schoolchildren.

I had breakfast that i bought at Union Square Greenmarket. I ate it on a bench and watched schoolchildren.

I drank coffee and rode the Staten Island Ferry just for the view. I didn't care that it was cloudy and was repaid with some sunny patches.

I drank coffee and rode the Staten Island Ferry just for the view. I didn't care that it was cloudy and was repaid with some sunny patches.

I ate a pear in Trinity Church Cemetery, where my 5G grandfather was buried in 1786. Or at least records say he is. His grave is lost to time now. I thought about that while I ate my pear.

I ate a pear in Trinity Church Cemetery, where my 5G grandfather was buried in 1786. Or at least records say he is. His grave is lost to time now. I thought about that while I ate my pear.

Todd and I had dinner with my friend Harris and his girlfriend Anne. I am still always surprised that Harris wears button-downs to work. In my mind, he is always wearing a navy blue hoodie.

Todd and I had dinner with my friend Harris and his girlfriend Anne. I am still always surprised that Harris wears button-downs to work. In my mind, he is always wearing a navy blue hoodie.

And then we all went to a bar and played shuffleboard.

And then we all went to a bar and played shuffleboard.

We also stayed at the Gramercy Park Hotel. Tres fancy.

We stayed at the Gramercy Park Hotel. Tres fancy.

Posting these so that Harris can see what the rooms were like (he was curious):

The room had FOUR windows. And a beautiful rug. And original hardwoods.

The room had three, count'em three, windows. And a beautiful rug. And original hardwoods.

And here's the bed. Nice linens, velvety headboard, good lighting.

And here's the bed. Nice linens, velvety headboard, good lighting.

Pretty sure the bathroom was bigger than most NYC apartments. However, for the cost, i think they could have worked in a tub. (My only problem with the room.)

Pretty sure the bathroom was bigger than most NYC apartments. However, for the cost, i think they could have worked in a tub. (My only problem with the room.)

Even the closet was fancy.

Even the closet was fancy.

And here is a view of the sitting area from the front door. We had a SETTEE, y'all!

And here is a view of the sitting area from the front door. We had a SETTEE, y'all!

The rooms also come with access to the park. It is a private park that you have to have a key to get into. That’s pretty cool. And snobby and elitist. . . but cool.

So, the next day it was cold and pouring down rain. I made plans to meet Anne at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. It was so god-awful crowded, and wet and damp, but we had a lovely afternoon. I forgot to each lunch I was enjoying myself so much. We mostly wandered, took in the current exhibitions. (Romare Bearden was one Anne really wanted to see and I thought it was great, and was also surprised I had not heard of him in my Harlem Renaissance class in college).

Anne and I both checked out my favorite part – Arms and Armor. I think when she suggested it to me, she must have realized how much I would love it. She probably didn’t realize that I would take so long that she would get hungry and have to leave me there. (Sorry, Anne!) I could have spent all day there looking at the amazing things people have killed other people with over the years! They even had a helm that was (probably erroneously) said to have been worn by Joan of Arc – I have had a preoccupation with Joan since i first read about her as a child. (I also have a weird interest in Marie Curie, Belle Star, Annie Oakley, and Bonnie Parker, among others. I know. I am a freak.)

Joan of Arc Helm

Joan of Arc Helm

There was an interesting Stieglitz exhibition, about him and his artists (O’Keefe, Matisse, etc.) While I enjoyed it, i was way more interested in this tiny little exhibit of his early art photography collection. I could have looked at it all day.

And best of all, I found some new (to me) artists to adore: Like Francis Bacon; Like a painting entitled, “End of the Hunt” by Dale Nichols (Anne, that is the one that you loved!);

The photo doesn't do it justice. The light is so amazing in it in person.

The photo doesn't do it justice. The light is so amazing in it in person.

Or these two huge pieces by Stephen Hannock. You totally can’t see it online, but he put all this writing and mixed media collage stuff in these two works. I almost wanted to cry it was so cool. Oooh, actually, if you go to this link then click on the photo, then zoom in, you can see the writing. Awesome.

Like this one by Paul Cadmus.

His Seven Deadly Sins were awesome! This is Lust.

His Seven Deadly Sins were awesome! This is Lust.

Looks like a really cool graphic novel, right? He made it in 1945. Mind-blowing.

When i left the museum, I was starving, and it was raining cats and dogs, and todd wanted me to meet him for a beer at some place near his conference in Times Square, and i was all like, “Ugh, Times Square.” But the bar was actually pretty awesome, with cheap beer, and seemingly no tourists other than myself. It was warm and the barmaid was kind of bitchy, which I can respect, and I sat next to a guy who makes full-length concert DVDs for a ton of bands, some of whom i thought were crappy. But he also worked with Chrissy Hinde, and so I was all interested in hearing about that, because I heart The Pretenders.

Then we left and had to make it back to the hotel to change for drinks with work people, and it was raining and i felt kind of sorry for all the working sad sack new yorkers just trying to get home, but there is something very romantic about a rainy evening with my husband, and taking cover in Grand Central Station to get away from the rain, and just watching the people.

Blurry, rainy evening at Grand Central Station.

Blurry, rainy evening at Grand Central Station.

And then i put on my nice stuff, and we went to The Standard Hotel for drinks, and damn, they have a really nice view from their rooftop bar, which, i kid you not, is called The Boom Boom Room. Sometimes I think New York comes up with stupid shit like that just to make me laugh at them. The bathrooms in the bar were rooms with no lights and no window coverings, where you could look out over the skyline while you are taking a shit. Ridiculous, but fun. I was luckily warned first, or I would have thought I was trippin’ in some crazy house of mirrors.

I had my jeans down around my ankles and I was peeing while I took this.

I had my jeans down around my ankles and I was peeing while I took this.


After that? Yummy burgers and home to bed because we were both wet, cold, and exhausted.

A lovely trip. I’ll end here for now, as I have gone on and on, and will never click publish at this rate. It shall be a two parter.

Inoperable Ostrichism

December 8th, 2011

Okay, not really. But i have not really been able to write ever since losing the Q-man and my cousin this past summer. (Apologies to those who are offended for lumping them together, but in my heart, they are both gaping holes. Do not judge my pain.)

I am not usually one to avoid difficult subjects, or as my sister and I call it, “ostrich” (the action of sticking one’s head in the sand), but I keep finding reasons not to write about the things that have been on my mind this year. I will be glad to see this year go – it has been painful in so many ways, and it seems that every time I turn around, i see someone near me affected negatively by some circumstance or accident, or unforeseen crappy event. I think maybe part of that is that the events of this year for my family were so negative that I have on my dark lenses when I look at anything going on around me. I hate that.

I am usually one to try and not get bogged down in negativity. I come from a family of . . shall we say, ‘realists.” We are not a positive people. We save for a rainy day. We look at things with a critical eye. But i am aware of it, and I try, day in and day out, to be thankful for the things that i have and that are going well. But it is and always will be a struggle for me to do that. I have to work at it.

If you think i am irreverent or i make too many jokes when things go awry, you are seeing me fight my basest instinct to get bogged down in the shit.

Maybe that is why i haven’t written about losing my best friend this year. Yes, he’s a dog, and yes, I loved him so very much, and when I think of him, all i can think of is . . I am not ready to write about it yet. I am hopeful that I will get there. Or about what it means to live with the thought that someone you love was brutally murdered, and most likely knew what was happening the whole time.

I will never write about that.

I will continue to push that one down. It seems to get almost more unreal, yet never goes away. I think of it almost every day, in that quiet time when the kids are in bed and i am doing dishes. Every night.

I don’t write about these things because I don’t want to get lost in them. I want to look on the positive side. I want to be positive. Sometimes? There isn’t a positive side. So i ostrich.

And so I don’t write, because i have almost always sat down at Dogwood Girl in the mornings to write about the things that were foremost in my head. It was my therapy. I wrote them down, just as if I had cut my skull down the hairline, pried it apart, and pulled out the malignancy in my brain. But the issues weren’t so heavy before. These thoughts and images are inoperable.

I will get to the dog. I will write about him. The other? It is terminal. Not in the sense that I will die from it, but in the sense that I will die with it. [wipes tear from cheek.]

p.s. Wow. I started to write about what I’ve been up to since Halloween. And this came out. I guess the writing is good therapy after all. If you are still reading my blog, thank you. I know I haven’t been funny, or sentimental, or nostalgic – all the things that people say they like most about reading my blog. I want to be her, Dogwood Girl, again. She is still here. I promise.

Yeah, I Wore Pink Tulle. So what?

November 2nd, 2011

“Mama?” Tiller said.
“Yes, baby?” I muttered while cooking dinner.
Tiller: “Mama, will you be a fairy with me?”
Me: “huh?”
Tiller: “Will you be a fairy with me?”
Me: “I don’t think so, baby. I’m not pretty enough to be a fairy.”
Todd: “You know, we just did a tooth fairy spot. I can get you a fairy costume easy.”
Me: “Shut up, Todd.”

And that’s how I came to be a pink fairy for Halloween.

A little background first:

Something that Scares Me

October 24th, 2011

Ferris Wheels. I actually cursed that Ferris guy for inventing the damn things while riding one last night. They really, really scare me. Rollie was determined to ride the double ferris wheel in the background of the picture below, and thank god in heaven, Todd took one for the team and rode with him. I would have had the big one.

So, Tiller decided she would go on the smaller one. I was all like, “Are you sure? It looks pretty scary up there, baby.” And she was all like, “YEAH! SCARY and FUN! Let’s go ride it, Mama!” and I was all like, Well, FUUUUCK. (In my head. I’m not that bad a mother.) And then, when we had to sit at the top of the damn thing, just a swangin’, while they loaded more people, and then the thing started up again, and we came around the front side, going down, nothing but clouds, trees, air and pavement in front of us, I said it again. Out loud.

“Fuck.”

Under my breath, one hand’s knuckles clamped tight and white around the metal bar in front of us, the other one white-knuckling a handful of Tiller’s shirt, my arm wrapped all the way around her back, under her arm, ready to snatch her from the jaws of death at any moment.

Tiller: “What’s that?”

Me: “Yuck. I said Yuck. Ferris Wheels make me feel yucky, like I might throw up.”

And the girl just laughed and laughed, kicking her legs, setting our seat to riotous swinging.

and that’s why I can’t send you Christmas cards

October 23rd, 2011

There’s this song I like by the band Tokyo Police Club. (I hate their band name. Kinda bugs me.) All their songs are so catchy. There is this one song that has the line . . .

and that’s why I can’t send you Christmas cards
it’s why I had to keep you in the dark

Whenever I hear it, it reminds me of someone, and I always think i should write about it, but i always forget, riding in the car or listening to it while I run. And for once, i was sitting at my desk when it came on.

Someone once told me that they never wanted us to end up being people who just exchanged Christmas cards. And sure enough, we aren’t. We don’t. But i think of him every Christmas when the cards start coming in, and I think of him whenever I hear that song.

I find it interesting how prescient that comment was, as if he knew what would happen. And how telling it is that I made note of it at the time, even in the throes of overconfident young love, as if really, deep down, I knew how it would end, too.

None of it matters now, and it doesn’t hurt anymore to see the cards on mutual friends’ refrigerators. If anything, they make me smile. That was lifetimes ago. And songs like that, that remind me of my other lives, make me smile where they once made me cry. And they make me laugh, too, at the naivete of my youth.

And I wonder how many other people think about the Christmas cards they don’t get at Christmas.

Update: Got all nostalgic and made a soundtrack for the post. Enjoy.

One Eyed Willie’s Treasure Hunt

October 10th, 2011
The week before her birthday, Tiller was a show dog in the Kindergarten Circus. She was v. cute, even though she had some trouble jumping through the hoop. She can be less than coordinated at times. I thought she might cry when she fell (twice), but she got up smiling and tried again. I was very proud of her.

The week before her birthday, Tiller was a show dog in the Kindergarten Circus. She was v. cute, even though she had some trouble jumping through the hoop. She can be less than coordinated at times. I thought she might cry when she fell (twice), but she got up smiling and tried again. I was very proud of her. I also am very proud of the fact that I sewed ears and a tail, which is why i included it in the birthday post. This is my blog, after all, even if I've been neglecting it.

So, about Tiller’s birthday. She turned six on Saturday. SIX. Hard for me to fathom. Tiller wanted to have a scavenger hunt party, and we had just watched The Goonies as a family, so I made it a One-Eyed Willie’s Treasure Hunt.

oneeyedwillie

Every kid got a copy of One Eyed Willie’s treasure map when they arrived. (We also had pirate cupcakes, Twinkies and Baby Ruths. I also bought Rocky Road, but totally forgot to pull it out, which is a good thing, because i was worried about angry mobs of parents attacking my house after they found out how much sugar I gave their kids.)

Love that some of the kiddos' moms took it upon themselves to dress them like pirates. Fun!

Love that some of the kiddos' moms took it upon themselves to dress them like pirates. Fun!

Margaret and Leelee accompanied their boys to the party.

Margaret and Leelee accompanied their boys to the party. Um, they don't have boys together. They have their own boys. With their husbands.

The kids are waiting to hear the next clue. Todd wrote the clues and i wish I could copy them down here - they were awesome. They all rhymed.

The kids are waiting to hear the next clue. Todd wrote the clues and i wish I could copy them down here - they were awesome. They all rhymed.

Kate won the award for cutest pirate hat and sash.

Kate won the award for cutest pirate hat and sash.

Children are like sheep. One would think they had the answer and run off yelling, "I know where the next clue is!" and all the other sheep would follow, and Todd would still be standing there finishing the clue. And they would have the wrong location. Every time.

Children are like sheep. One would think they had the answer and run off yelling, I know where the next clue is! and all the other sheep would follow, and Todd would still be standing there finishing the clue. And they would have the wrong location. Every time.

One of R's teachers does this thing in class where they have to decode an encrypted message to figure out what to do that day in class. So, Rollie helped us create one, and the older kids had to decode that clue for the younger ones. This is Rollie and Milo working with pencil and paper to decode the clue.

One of R's teachers does this thing in class where they have to decode an encrypted message to figure out what to do that day in class. So, Rollie helped us create one, and the older kids had to decode that clue for the younger ones. This is Rollie and Milo working with pencil and paper to decode the clue.

. . . with the help of the older twins, Leah and Sydney. Syd needs snack to help her think.

. . . with the help of the older twins, Leah and Sydney. Syd needs snack to help her think.

The girls use the map to figure out the next clue.

The girls use the map to figure out the next clue.

The girls (Matilda, Scarlett, Liliana - i think- Sydney, and Kate) working together!

The girls (Matilda, Scarlett, Liliana - i think- Sydney, and Kate) working together!

Todd, the Cluemaster, about to be stampeded by children with the Ghoulish Garden clue.

Todd, the Cluemaster, about to be stampeded by children with the Ghoulish Garden clue.

The girls listen to clues intently. Boys mostly push each other and climb trees while they are being read.

The girls listen to clues intently. Boys mostly push each other and climb trees while they are being read.

Tiller blowing out her candle as Sydney and Chloe look on.

Tiller blowing out her candle as Sydney and Chloe look on.

Me and the girl after she blew out her candles. Let's talk about the ponytail for a minute. Yeah, there's just one. That's her new thing. It cracks me up. It also reminds me of Natalie Wolfe and Elizabeth Wilcoxin wearing ponytails in middle school and putting their Swatches around them. That just kills me.

Me and the girl after she blew out her candles. Let's talk about the ponytail for a minute. Yeah, there's just one. That's her new thing. It cracks me up. It also reminds me of Natalie Wolfe and Elizabeth Wilcoxin wearing ponytails in middle school and putting their Swatches around them. That just kills me.

Not a great photo, but a rare moment where the kiddos are lovingly touching one another. Had to be captured.

Not a great photo, but a rare moment where the kiddos are lovingly touching one another. Had to be captured.

Disappointed we didn't get Cousin Luci in there, but here are Tiller and R. with Baby Dash. He's not really a baby anymore.

Disappointed we didn't get Cousin Luci in there, but here are Tiller and R. with Baby Dash. He's not really a baby anymore.

Oh! There's cousin Luci!

Oh! There's cousin Luci!

Josie hearts cupcakes.

Josie hearts cupcakes.

So does Chloe. I deduce.

So does Chloe. I deduce.

Leah liked the rings from the treasure.

Leah liked the rings from the treasure.

Syndey, wearing her beads from the treasure chest.

Syndey, wearing her beads from the treasure chest.

Sydney loves balloons!

Sydney loves balloons!

Chuck and Cass helped us keep track of all the kiddos.

Chuck and Cass helped us keep track of all the kiddos.

These two grew up together in Auburn. Always fun to have the 2nd generation at a party.

These two grew up together in Auburn. Always fun to have the 2nd generation at a party.

Okay, actually, Nathan listened closely to the clues. . . .

Okay, actually, Nathan listened closely to the clues. . . .

Treasure Hunters in a group by the tree. Surprisingly, the biggest hit from the pirate treasure? Balloons.

Treasure Hunters in a group by the tree. Surprisingly, the biggest hit from the pirate treasure? Balloons.

So, then we opened gifts. Tills got Ramona from Uncle Lyle and Aunt Denise!

So, then we opened gifts. Tills got Ramona from Uncle Lyle and Aunt Denise!

My little nephew Dash, waiting to see the presents.

My little nephew Dash, waiting to see the presents.

These three are crazy floor rolling laughers!

These three are crazy floor rolling laughers!

Normally, i wouldn't include such an unflattering picture of myself, but dang! I never think Tiller and I look much alike, but evidently, there is some resemblance. When we are flapping our gums.

Normally, i wouldn't include such an unflattering picture of myself, but dang! I never think Tiller and I look much alike, but evidently, there is some resemblance. When we are flapping our gums.

She got pretty excited about Littlest Pet Shop. We have a LOT of Littlest Pet Shop. Like, nuclear levels.

She got pretty excited about Littlest Pet Shop. We have a LOT of Littlest Pet Shop. Like, nuclear levels.

And later that night, Tiller stayed up too late, and then fell asleep on my chest during the Georgia game. So sweet.

And later that night, Tiller stayed up too late, and then fell asleep on my chest during the Georgia game. So sweet.

Happy birthday to my little girl. I love you very much, Tiller Badiller, Mac and chiller, Saspariller, Thriller from maniller!

– Your Loving Mama

Lost Tooth

September 25th, 2011



Lost Tooth

Originally uploaded by Dogwood Girl

Tiller lost her first tooth this morning. Age 5. Sept. 25, 2011. My husband also turned 40 today. I have a 40-year-old husband and both my babies are not babies any more.

Cue Wilco . . .

What’s In a Name?

September 24th, 2011

“Mama?” Tiller said, putting her head on my shoulder as we sat on the couch, her watching Mermaidia and me reading a book.

“Yes, Baby?” I said, turning to look at her, eye to eye.

“What’s your name?”

“Anne. My name is Anne.”

“What’s your other name?”

“You mean my middle name?”

“Yeah. Your middle name.”

“My middle name is Dunstan.”

“Huh?!”

“Dunstan. Anne Dunstan Palmer.

“What’s Dunstan?”

“It was my Grandma’s maiden name. Her last name, before she was married. Like mine was Palmer before I married your Daddy. She was Vivian Arenda Dunstan.”

“Oh.”

She sat thinking for a second.

“So, she was my great grandmother.”

“Yes. Yes, she was. Your Grandma Palmer’s mother. She died before you were born, though. But you would have loved her. And she would have loved you very, very much.”

“How come?”

“Because she and I loved each other very, very much. She was so much fun. She taught me to play cards, and Sorry, and build card houses, and to dance the Charleston. She liked to watch The Price is Right with me, and I Love Lucy. And she had the best laugh ever.”

“I wish I could have met her.”

“I do, too, baby. I do, too.”

Amazing that talking to my baby girl about my Grandma can make her seem like she is almost here. I can almost imagine her sitting here with us right now. And it sure does make me miss her, even almost 20 years later. We loved each other very, very much.

Grandma and Me, 1972