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Our Weekend in Savannah: Part II

Tuesday, February 20th, 2007

As I said, I felt like SHIT on Saturday. Nausea and splitting headache, which i think were due more to lack of sleep than quantity of alcohol. Complete and utter shit, all the same. I told Todd I didn’t want to drink a lot, so that I would feel good on Saturday. He made me drink.

We woke up, ate some continental breakfast, then headed out to get a new digital camera. (Ours finally pissed us off enough to be retired.) Then we had a tasty sandwich at a sub place and headed back to the room for naps. I was disappointed that I was so tired on Saturday – I far would have preferred strolling the squares all day Saturday, but knew I must sleep or I would never make it through the wedding on Saturday night.

We slept for two hours, then woke up, had a snack and dressed for the wedding. The trolley (ring! ring! ring! goes the bell) was picking up at 5:40 for the 6:30 wedding. We rushed around getting dressed and got on the trolley. We picked up more wedding guests at the Mulberry Inn and the Desoto Hilton. I have never seen so many women wearing dead animals in my life.

The wedding was at The Oglethorpe Club. Another beautiful house, right across the street from the original Armstrong College, where my father once attended classes. As we pulled up around the corner on to Bull St., we heard the piper playing. I swear to God, they had a bagpiper greeting the guests on the corner.

We got off the trolley, then proceeded up the stairs (festooned in beautiful greenery and white roses – I think they spent more on flowers than I spent on my whole wedding. There were white roses all over the whole house.) We checked my coat, then went up to the second floor for the ceremony. They conducted the ceremony in an upstairs, wood-paneled, long and narrow room. It was dark and candlelit. The bride wore a beautiful dress, and the the whole wedding party was decked out in Scottish tartan. The groom and his family wore their tartan; the bride and wedding party wore their own. Women wore a tartan sash with a brooch, including the bride. Nice, unusual touch. The piper piped as the wedding party entered. They also had a four-piece string instrument thing going on. The ceremony was very short, which was nice, because about half of us were standing in the back of the room.

After the ceremony, it was off to the bar. The Oglethorpe is a men’s club. I was a little weirded out about things I have heard about it (no black members, no women allowed to walk up the front steps, etc.) All of that didn’t matter – they could have made me crawl around on my knees as long as I could partake of the buffet.

I’m going to throw down the gauntlet: BEST. WEDDING. BUFFET. EVER. There were the usual carving tables, and an open bar, but the piece de resistance was the asparagus/cheese/tomato sandwich/oyster table. If you know me, you know they had me at “cheese,” but if you throw in tomato sandwiches with the crusts (I still call them “the bones”) cut off, I am yours. There were so many different kinds of stinky, blue-veined cheeses that I would have been sick even trying a bite of each one. Todd, meanie that he is, didn’t think it was appropriate for me to put a whole chunk of cheese in my purse at the end of the evening. I am horrified at the thought of the cheese in a trashcan in the basement of the Oglethorpe Club.

Add in a bottomless pan of freshly-fried, hot oysters? Holy crap! I am surprised I didn’t get sick. I spent half the evening hovering around the oyster dish with a bunch of old southern men, waiting for the next batch to come out. I think I impressed them with my oyster-eating prowess. I was so tired that night, that i took it easy on the drinking. Well, I did start at 7:00 or so and drink till 3 something in the morning, but i was a good girl. I felt fine on Sunday. One reason? I ate my weight in buffet. The reception lasted a long time, and people were pretty toasty by the end. I was pretty sober myself, having spent more time stuffing my face and looking at old weapons and pictures of Civil War generals.

In the end, the bride and groom came down the wide front steps of the club as we showered them with white rose petals. Both had changed: The groom was wearing ridiculous plaid pants, a bowtie, and a tam. The bride wore pants and sweater, along with a wide-brimmed hat and her tartan sash as a scarf. The “getaway” car was not a car at all – Definitely the cutest “Just married” getaway ever: They climbed onto a vintage tandem bike, complete with basket and bell, then rode off into Monterrey Square. (I think it was Monterrey Square). Adorable. I got a little choked up, and I don’t even know them.

We took the trolley back to the hotel, then changed, and met people at the bar the wedding party had chosen. I am going to go ahead and say it was possibly the most hideous place I have ever been. Some kind of karaoke bar, attached to a bar that looked just like an Applebee’s. I guess I am a snob, but I am picky. It is bad enough hearing the original versions of crappy rock songs (think Creed or one of those bands with numbers in their names), but hearing drunks butcher them even further was downright painful.

I drank PBRs with Kate (the bride’s sister and Todd’s friend), her husband, and her lecherous uncle from Bogota. They gave up the ghost and headed home. Todd was just kicking it into high gear (for those of you who know Todd, this is the part where he starts stirring his drink with his fingers, and then licking them merrily one by one) and so despite the fact that I was ready to fall into bed, I took one for the team and accompanied him for a few more hours.

We finally found a couple other like-minded guests who decided to venture with us to another bar, Hang Fire. My friend Donnie had recommended this place as having an excellent jukebox, and so when a fellow wedding guest mentioned it as a place where they might go, I jumped at the chance. It was pretty cool, but by the time we got there, everyone was wasted, and they had a band playing, so I didn’t get a chance to check out the jukebox. I did get to see the shocked look on the face of the little South Carolina girl who had joined us, when she saw two girls making out in the corner and about ten guys taking camera phone pictures of them. That actually made the trip worthwhile. She then got into an argument with her date, who had somehow offended her by putting down “Carolina” and “the status quo in Columbia.” They were a riot. We met a very nice Chicago girl who had been living in Savannah for a couple of years and tried to convince us that since we like Wilco we like jam bands. Ain’t gonna happen. We finally walked back to the hotel with the feuding Columbian (of Columbia, SC) couple. I was asleep within five minutes.

I woke up feeling wonderful; Todd, not so much. Ah, sweet feeling of a Sunday morning without hangover or regret. We looked around in vain for somewhere neat to eat, then in desperation and hunger, I phoned my friend Jason, who recommended The Firefly Cafe, which looked awesome, but had a wait of what looked like hours (think Flying Biscuit waits). We went down the street to a J. Christopher’s, which was actually really good, and had IHOP-style bottomless coffee on the table.

On the way, I caught sight of this guy who was carrying an interesting sign. I am guessing he strolls the streets every Sunday to put fear of God into Saturday night’s hangover victims roving the streets searching for a cure; Everyone out on Sunday morning seemed to be a slow-moving student, or a well-dressed churchgoer in a fancy hat. It was Sunday, crisp and bright, and the people were walking their dogs with coffee in hand, and the church bells rang at noon. Lovely morning. Todd looked like death eating a ham sandwich, which only cast into relief my elation at having a sunny morning without kids or hangover.

Some things are indescribably perfect. We had a wonderful time (hard not to without kids), and I didn’t even mention all the six degrees of separation, or the menage a trois come-ons (or so we like to flatter ourselves,) or the Episcopal Mafia. You can see more of our pictures from the trip by clicking on my Flickr link to the right. They should be up some time today.

Oh, p.s.! On Saturday, even with my hangover, we “discovered” an awesome artist at Chroma Gallery on Barnard. I posted about it here on Atlanta Metblogs, as the artist is an Atlantan. If you ever want to see what I am saying about Atlanta, there are links to my posts on Metroblogging Atlanta to the right.

Kiss My Bass

Tuesday, January 30th, 2007

In addition to the cast of characters we have seen here in Orlando, we also took in some sights. I skipped the theme park stuff, and hit the outlet malls yesterday while Todd was working. I took the trolley line and on the way there, i had the pleasure of being surrounded by a bunch of German conventioneers. i have no idea what they were saying, but it doesn’t really matter, as German accents always sound sinister to me, even when they are laughing and smiling. As if they are going to give me one last cigarette before they make me turn around and shoot me execution-style into the grave I have just finished digging for myself. On the way back, I met a stereotypical large Irish family, replete with mischievous sons. The mom loved the Simon and Garfunkel that looped on the trolley, over and over. The driver on the way back was from Chicago, and he was new, and he didn’t know where he was going. It is not a good sign when you have to tell the driver how to drive his route.

After I got back to the hotel, Todd and I went to Outback, mate. Seems that everything in Orlando is themed, franchised, and a chain. Todd and I competed in a contest against one another for who could come up with the most Australian words (bonzer! Billabong! Didgeridoo?); they must be pronounced with an Australian accent, of course. Anyone who knows my husband knows that he killed me in this game. If there is anything Todd loves, it is slang. He also loves to make me do any kind of accent or sound effect, because I am exceedingly terrible at both. If you want to illicit giggles from the both of us, the way to do it is to get me to do a machine gun sound effect, or get Todd to do R2D2 imitating Chewbacca. Good stuff. Chains are lame, but don’t worry, I managed to choke down a prime rib and a bottle of wine. I will survive.

After that, we headed back to the mall (Orlando is basically one big mall with some roller coasters thrown in for good measure.) Todd had a balance left over on a $500 gift certificate a client gave him last Christmas to Bass Pro Shops. Todd doesn’t really hunt, so we have been stretching the gift certificate for years now.

Me and Fish PillowBass Pro Shops are just awesome. There is so much stuff that you don’t need in there to catch a fish! There are also knives, guns, ammo, live fish tanks, and camping stuff. Did I mention the bird calls and cute dog toys to teach your lab to retrieve dead birds? They have huge boats in the parking lot and ATVs on the showroom floor inside. They also have really nice Columbia clothing that makes me want to go camping. By the way, ladies, if you are ever stranded in a Bass Pro Shops megastore, just go to the electronics section and get the cute young Irish boy to show you how the GPS works. You will have no idea what they are talking about, or if you do, just act like you don’t, and he will keep on talking. In that accent. Until your husband comes and finds you and breaks the two of you up. (Actually, i really did want to check out the GPS, because I am fascinated by them and want to try Geocacheing. But I wasn’t about to tell Patrick the Irish boy that.)

One more thing about Bass Pro Shops? You can play these fun target practice games. It is fun as shit, and old, grizzled hunter types think you are really cute when you whoop and holler when you hit the targets and make the bells and whistles go off. What I’m saying, girls, is Bass Pro Shops is a great ego-booster. You are so much cuter than the other wives in there, with their “Kiss My Bass” shirts on.

Okay, so after that, we went back to the hotel bar to have one last drink, because I was really tired, but we ended up drinking with a bunch of tire salesmen from all over the southeast until about 2 a.m. One of them looked like a cross between Al Sharpton and Morris Day. (See picture of him from across hotel bar.)
I felt a little doodieish this morning, but still managed to get out for lunch and to go with Todd to drop off Ronnie at Universal Studios. It was a real live backlot for a film studio, and I saw absolutely no famous people. Tonight? Dinner and a movie. Home tomorrow to kiss my babies, whom I miss very much, not that you can tell it from anything I’ve written here.

The Suckness

Sunday, January 21st, 2007

I don’t really like to feel sorry for myself, but I would be lying if I said i didn’t feel like a complete fucking loser sitting at home on the Saturday night before my birthday, sipping on my fifth beer, waiting for Saturday Night Live to come on, while my husband is out drinking beer with the guys at The Local and my sister and parents are living it up in Vegas.

This kind of sucks.

Danger!

Tuesday, January 16th, 2007

I come from some wild women. . .

1870motherDanger

This was in my mom’s family photos. The photo says “Mother 1870,” but that seems a little early for this one, especially since the sign says something about auto insurance. Would love to be able to research the clothing to date it more accurately. We are also not sure who “Mother” is (she is the one third from the right), but have it narrowed down to one of the following:

  • My Grandmother Vivian’s mother, Ida Stevens Dunstan
  • My mother’s Aunt Zelma’s mother who, do to an out-of-wedlock pregnancy and adoption, could have referred to her birth mother, who was my grandmother’s mother (Ida)
  • Ida’s sister, Beulah, who adopted and raised Zelma.

Confused yet? Anyway, I love the picture and think it is just the coolest thing ever. They look like trouble. I think they are holding instruments, too. Nice twist.

This is my mom (right), with her best friend Judy in Daytona Beach.

Virginia and Judy Sitting On Johnny Dunstan's Car, Daytona Beach, 1960

Then there’s Grandma and Aunt Dot. My cousin remarked that he thought this picture was staged. I don’t think so. This is what family gatherings in my childhood looked like. Seriously.

1977_78ColchesterVT

I’ll leave the wild woman pictures of myself for Matilda to blog. Plus, I ain’t finished. Grandma and Aunt Dot were still doin’ it in their 80’s. I’m not even 35 yet.

You Think You’ve Seen Some Shit?

Friday, January 5th, 2007

My grandfather turns 91 today. You ain’t seen nothin’. He’s seen four wars (not including these two latest ones), the holocaust, the coming of electricity, running water, automobiles, the telephone, the radio, and television. I’m pretty sure he thinks the way a mouse operates is simply magic.

I wrote a really long post about him for his 90th last year. My mom thought it was cool. Yes, my mom reads my blog; Frightening, no? Just what you want your mama to read: This, or this, or this. She printed the post out and showed it to him. He read it, smiled, and was quiet for a few seconds, then said, “I guess she’ll just put the death dates on later.” He is a funny guy. Happy birthday, Pop! I love you!
That’s us together in Christmas of ’77: From left – Dad, Me, Grandma Smith, Pop, Lisa, and Grandma Palmer.

Dance Recital, 1978

Thursday, December 28th, 2006

Tomboy in red dotted tulle, lipstick, Dorothy Hammill hair. Alpharetta, Georgia.

Great Expectations

Friday, November 3rd, 2006

This morning. I posted about it on Atlanta Metroblogging, but must also brag here on the people who were working the polls. They were so surprisingly courteous. Anyone who knows me knows there is just about nothing i hate more than shitty or rude service. In government employees, it makes me see red. I expected the usual surliness and rolling eyes, but instead was very pleasantly surprised.

Before we go hailing Dekalb County as a mecca for great service-oriented government employees, I must add that I also had completely rude and dismissive service earlier in the week when seeking information on redistricting the Dekalb County schools from an Area Superintendent. However, i am giving said rude bitch (with a doctorate no less! Can anyone get one of those things?) a chance to reply to my latest request for information before posting anything further. Maybe she (and her two higher-ups, whom I copied on the email) are just out of town for a long weekend. I am sure they will be back by Monday.

Halloween Pictures

Thursday, November 2nd, 2006

Rollie doesn’t have school on Tuesday, so costume day was Monday at school. They don’t allow anything scary, or weapons or masks, so Rollie’s costume was out. Instead, he went as a cowboy. This is Matilda (in her Little Pumpkin outfit) and Rollie before school.

For Halloween, we invited friends Ned, Vanessa, and Scarlett over, and Jackie, er. . . i mean, my sister, Lisa also joined us for the festivities. I made a bigass (Trust me. It’s one word.) pot of chicken chili and cornbread. Mostly, we put away some wine and beer, and a tad too much candy. I was a little foggy yesterday.

Tiller and me. She’s a fairy and I’m . . well, me, but with some icky makeup on.

Lisa held down the fort while Vanessa, Todd, and I took Scarlett, Tiller, and Rollie out trick or treating in the neighborhood. I was completely surprised with how well everyone took the experience – zero tears, despite it being almost bedtime, and the fact that Rollie had no nap and Tiller was teething.

This is Rollie at the first house, the monks next door.

Rollie taking the steps in stride.

Our little Yoda

Rollie did a great job, walking the whole way, taking the steps in stride (only a few spills), and dealing with a malfunctioning pumpkin handle that dumped his candy all over the street a few times. Todd and I were immensely proud that he sometimes said “thank you” without prompting.

Vanessa and Scarlett (as Raggedy Ann)

A boy and his Daddy

Todd, Rollie, Vanessa, and Scarlett at “The Jackpot House”

Tiller, with wand, which she held onto the entire time we trick or treated. (Which wasn’t very long, because Tiller and Scar don’t get candy, and there was wine for the mamas back at the house.)

My little Fairy (rear view)

My little fairy, amazingly smiley for past bedtime
Okay, let’s take this picture and open more wine.

Retirement: Halloween Quote

Wednesday, November 1st, 2006

One need not be a chamber to be haunted;
One need not be a house;
The brain has corridors surpassing
Material place.
~Emily Dickinson

Halloween Soundtrack, Vol. II: Big Kids Mix

Tuesday, October 31st, 2006

While creating my kids Halloween mix, I first culled a ton of Halloween-appropriate stuff from our collection. It came out to be about 3.4 hours. I decided that a lot of it was a bit much for the kids, but perfect for the big kids, so i shortened it to create the following 1.6 hour list. Like yesterday’s kids mix, this was just what I could find in our collection, and when I looked at the list, i realized there were a ton of things that I would have put on the list if I was allowing myself downloads. Some Ministry, Danzig, and The Cramps; stuff that I used to listen to in the olden days when music came on tapes, but which i never bought on CD. Todd also pointed out that I should have included Motley Crue’s “Shout at the Devil.”

The Big Kids Mix

  1. Please Mr. Gravedigger – David Bowie
  2. Spooky – Portastatic
  3. Lullaby – The Cure
  4. I Bleed – The Pixies
  5. I’m a Ghost – Ted Leo & The Pharmacists
  6. Hypnotise – The White Stripes
  7. Necromancing – Gnarls Barkley
  8. Dracula’s Wedding – Andre 3000
  9. I am Stretched On Your Grave – Dead Can Dance
  10. Hellbound – The Breeders
  11. Psycho Killer – Talking Heads
  12. Scary Monsters (and Super Creatures) – David Bowie
  13. Paint it Black – The Rolling Stones
  14. Tombstone Blues – Bob Dylan
  15. Little Ghost – The White Stripes
  16. Werewolf – Cat Power
  17. Moon Over Bourbon Street – Sting
  18. Leslie Anne Levine – The Decemberists
  19. God’s Gonna Cut You Down – Johnny Cash
  20. Willow Garden – Charlie Monroe
  21. Bringing Mary Home – The Country Gentlemen
  22. Mother’s Only Sleeping – Bill Monroe
  23. How to Disappear Completely – Radiohead
  24. O Death – Ralph Stanley
  25. I Will Follow You Into the Dark – Death Cab for Cutie
  26. What’s He Building In There? – Tom Waits
  27. Eyepennies – Sparklehorse
  28. Nosferatu Man – Slint

On another note, I mentioned the song, “The Ghost of John” and a friendly net-wanderer named Stephen suggested this website that has a version of the song available for download. I went to the website, found the song (albeit not the version I remembered – it’s on the flip side of the Teeny Tiny Woman album), and then proceeded to spend an hour looking at all the gems this guy has collected. He evidently collects old Halloween-themed albums. There were quite a few that I remembered from my childhood, and he also included the album covers, and the artwork is total timewarp.

My favorite download: “Sounds to Make You Shiver! Bloodcurdling! Terror! Horror!” (1974). I am pretty sure that my neighbors had this (or one of the other Sounds to Make You Shiver albums) when I lived in New York. We played it in my basement when we made a haunted house.

Wanna find that particular spooky album you remember from childhood? Take a look at The Spooky So Far, an album cover image-linked list of all the stuff he has available for download.

This website is the perfect Halloween timekiller.