I think I mentioned how the kids’ Knock Knock joke skills are horrendous. . . Here’s the proof:
Posts Tagged ‘Rollie’
Johnson Family Comedy Hour
Monday, August 24th, 2009For Jason B.
Sunday, August 23rd, 2009For Jason, who thinks Rollie and I look so much alike at Rollie’s age. . . check out my mother, at about the same age. In very p.c. Indian headdress, with old Aunt Zelma, and her dog, Peg. Evidently, Zelma used to fart and blame it on Peg all the time. Mom will have to confirm, but I believe this photo was taken at the duplex on either Seminole Dr. or Mason Dr., Chattanooga, Hamilton Co., TN.
Can’t seem to find the picture of me in my Birmingham PeeWees baseball uniform, but Rollie and I look a LOT alike in that one.
Coming up on Dogwood Girl: “Before” photos of our basement; “Before” photos of my gray roots.
Tutu Redux
Friday, August 21st, 2009By popular demand, (okay, an aunt and a couple of Grandmas), here is the video I have so far of the Tills in a tutu. . . .
This first one is Tiller and her class in the hallway at the rec center, getting some water. Kind of boring at first, but you get to see Ms. D, the bigger-than-life trashy, bleached blonde sixty-something woman, who teaches the class. She is wearing the I Love New York shirt. The first time I met her, she was dressed like Jennifer Beals in Flashdance. My neighbor said one time she taught the class wearing a “Roofers do it on top” shirt. Effin’ awesome!
I need to work on my camera skills, but it was the first time I’ve used this camera. . . . This is Tills leaving class to go to the car.
And one more on the way to the car. Really, this is all about the tutu. If you have ever met Tiller, you will realize that her in a tutu is about as funny as me in a tutu.
Forget About Me, God
Wednesday, August 19th, 2009I woke Rollie up this morning. (After Todd woke me up; I almost never hear the alarm. He usually has to nudge me awake.) Rollie is having trouble waking up in the mornings, after a summer of sleeping later and waking with the sun. It is still dark at 6:45 and he usually mumbles something like, “I want to stay under the covers,” and I kiss him on the forehead and whisper, “I do too.”
I made sure he was awake and then went down to start coffee, make oatmeal, and fix his lunch. He came down, sleepy-eyed, and hair sticking up in a thousand different directions. (I call him, “Little Cecil,” because his hair is just like my dad’s – thick, slightly curly, and sticks up when he’s been sleeping on it.) I told him to put on his shoes, and then he came into the kitchen and said, “Mom, I am going to tell you a joke.” I turned around from my coffee, ready for the laughs.
Now, any parent of a preschooler or young elementary-age kid will understand that this means you will probably get a Knock Knock joke that makes absolutely zero sense. For instance, Todd told Rollie and Tiller the old Knock Knock joke that ends in “Orange you glad . . . .” They have improvised on this theme and will say, “Aren’t you glad I didn’t say Banana?” Or “Knock Knock. Who’s there? Table!” And then they explode into laughter, thinking they made a joke. You laugh, too, because otherwise you would be crying.
It is possibly one of the most torturous parts of parenting, being stuck at a dinner table with young Knock Knock joke comedians.
So, I really wasn’t expecting this joke to be unusual, and definitely wasn’t expecting it to be funny. I really wasn’t expecting this:
Me: “Okay, let’s hear it.”
Rollie: “Forget about me, God!” [He twists his face into a goofy expression, one that indicates that he is trying to be funny.]
I stare at him.
Me: “Rollie, that’s not funny.”
Rollie: “Well, I think it’s funny!” [Runs off into the den, balls up on the couch and wails and cries.]
I stand there thinking, “Well, shit.” I guess he expected me to laugh. We always laugh.
Now, I am not the most religious person in the world. I would say I am not religious at all. But I do think about God, I think there might be a God, but I am not sure. Because sometimes I also think that we are all just millions of ants in a huge anthill, waiting to get stomped on, or have a huge Dixie Cup of Kool Aid dumped over our hill, washing us all away in a red typhoon. But I was raised to believe in God, and so i have a great respect for that belief (which I think is sorely missing in our society today) and I would be mortified if my child ever said that to a believer.
I took a deep breath. Looked longingly at the coffee just starting to trickle it’s way into the pot. Thought, once again, that some mornings there just isn’t enough coffee in the world. Went in and sat on the couch next to Rollie.
I asked if he knew why his joke wasn’t funny. He protested that his joke was funny. I finally had to tell him that he would lose privileges if he kept using the joke, because the joke might be offensive to other people. I then had to try to explain the word, “offensive,” which just came off as “might hurt someone’s feelings.” I explained that it would hurt his Grandparents’ feelings to hear that joke. That one of his friends might really have their feelings hurt if he said it to them. He said, “okay,” all the while still claiming that it was funny. (No idea where he gets this stubborn streak from.)
I asked where he heard this joke.
He replied that he made it up.
I am going to need a whole bunch more coffee to ponder how on earth my son came up with this in the first place, and what it might mean to him. Should I be glad that he has a concept of a higher being, and that somehow he is thinking about his place in the world? Is he thinking about his place in the world? Maybe he just liked the way it sounded.
It was only 7:15 a.m. when I finished this conversation with him. Have you ever seen me in the morning before coffee?
Parenting is fucking hard.
I am Busy, I am Bad
Wednesday, August 5th, 2009So, this week has been crazy. I started back on Weight Watchers. I started training for the Thanksgiving Half-Marathon. Todd and I are trying to plan our basement renovations. I am writing the first monthly newsletter for my kids’ school. It has to go to the printer the same day that school starts. I am babysitting my nephew tonight and tomorrow.
Got off to a terrible start this morning when I showed up at the open house registration with the wrong paperwork. The list of required documentation said “Proof of Residency, such as a utility bill, deed, et.” I brought my Comcast bill. They said they needed a utility bill and that phone didn’t count. Since when is phone not considered a utility bill!? Luckily, Todd had one in his car and ran out and got it, but I am pretty sure that I will be known in the future as “that bitchy Mom that got all huffy over the Comcast bill.” Oh, well. I have been called worse. And would it have killed the folks at the school to apologize to me for the confusion? Am i off base here?
We proceeded to get Rollie squared away, and found his new Kindergarten classroom. His teacher seems nice, but I would be lying if I didn’t wish that her grammar was a little better. (Not sure if that makes me a snob or what. Is it too much to ask that my child’s teacher be well-spoken?) I do believe that what kids learn at home trumps what they learn in the classroom, though, and so I am sure he will be fine. And I do like that she seems kind of old school otherwise.
Anyway, it’s Wednesday, and Rollie starts back to school on Monday. It will be nice to get back on schedule. Even if it means that I am old enough to have a Kindergartner! And oh, my GOD. He is going to ride the bus. I am scared. Very scared. And busy, and I guess kind of bad for being so judgmental about my kid’s teacher.
Wait til you hear about me buying his baseball equipment. Now that is a funny story.
Just wondering . . .
Thursday, July 30th, 2009I would love to know why it will cost $110 dollars for my six-year-old to play Fall t-ball. I mean, really. . . what the hell? Do they give them golden gloves?
Amazing
Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009Feeling kind of ill after stomach dropped out upon hearing shrieks, screaming, and crying from Rollie in the backyard. He got stung by a yellow jacket. First bee sting in six years. Hasn’t swollen up yet, thank god. Always worry about that, since my Grandma was deathly allergic. Amazing that I knew IMMEDIATELY that it was not a normal Tiller-pissed-me-off scream.
I’m Back!
Sunday, June 14th, 2009And still alive. So is Pop. Spent the week at the lake with Dad, the kids, Lisa, Dash, Mom, and the three pups. Todd worked his butt off in Atlanta.
Seeing Pop was hard. I know he knew me, but couldn’t tell me my name. Mom and Dad are hanging in there. The kids and i took full advantage of the great weather. I worked at the lake (mowing, getting rid of junk piles that have been there for thirty years, tearing down that deathtrap of a swing set that my grandfather made when i was about three) while the kids swam. We took breaks to tear up the lake on the JetSki. Okay, I tore it up. The kids took leisurely tours with Mama, looking for goats on Goat Island, spying cool long-legged birds, and looking for the strange aeries in the tops of the power lines. Hopefully some knowledgeable birder can tell me what the heck bird lives up there! For the time being, the party line is that Big Bird’s southern cousin, Bubba Bird, lives up there.
And another thing, I really want a GPS thingie for geo-cacheing. I know that is geeky, but there are caches all over the lake and what better way to go look for them than on the JetSki. And yeah, I want a fancy Garmin for running too. Can i use the same one for both purposes, i wonder? Hmmm. Something to look into.
Snake count: 0 (Yes! A great count for almost a week there.)
We did get a little sunburned this morning. I thought i had us covered. This is your heads up that you should be buying stock in that spray sunscreen; I used four cans this week.
And I know, skin cancer, blahblahblah, but is there anything better than that feeling of having spent the day in the sun, being active the whole time, climbing all over boats and jetskis, in and out of the water, and just plain feeling waterlogged. I didn’t even miss my computer. And the Fat Tire I am drinking now tastes better than I could have imagined.
Still working on race report.
Morning Mayhem
Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009So, I’m not getting a ton of my work done this morning, but boy are the kids having fun. Two dogs, two five-year-olds, and three, count them, three, three-year-olds, all over at the house playing.
Funny how my kids are so much more well-behaved when they have friends over.
Flowers, Sculpture, Fountains, Friends
Monday, June 1st, 2009I took the kids to the Atlanta Botanical Garden with some friends on Saturday. It was hot as Hades, although the Savannahians claimed I don’t know what hot is. Whatevs. . . .
Although I had both kids (Todd had a shoot on Saturday), I did get a chance to chat with Jason and Alison about new baby Averil, talk to Donnie, and get to know his awesome girlfriend Lisa. And the kids had a great time, too. I also took the new camera and took some pictures. Fun! Would have been more fun taking pictures sans kids, but it was a good time.
You can mouse over the photos below for captions, or see even more in my Flickr set to the right.
There is something so relaxing and centering about seeing old friends. We all turned out a-okay.